SRS Hotlines

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by kilamasta, Sep 29, 2009.

  1. kilamasta

    kilamasta New Member

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    I just called a suicide hotline but I end up on a robot-machine. So I waited, hearing the options but they were too generic, like "general health care". Then the robot said "I don't understand, please repeat" after I did nothing, so I hung up.

    I feel I have no right to complain to anyone since I got no real problem. I live with my parent (no problem here, appart that we(I) don't really come foward to each other). and I just got out of University and landed the most secure job and it's was easy. Aside from that, I probably am secure financially for the rest of my life, at this point of my life.

    My job is 80 % boring and 20 % very interesting. I feel like I go from extremes, to utterly interresting and challenging to death boring.

    My life is now a 24 h circle : 7:45am - wake up, feel like shit because I didn't sleep enough and have to go to boring job for 8 hours. Take a shower, eat, go to work. At work, like I said, I am bored most of the time. I almost never speak to anyone, although I eat with them and they are friendly. It is just that I avoid and refuse almost every invitation to anything anyone gives me. Then after work, I go home, eat with my family, not really talking and just noding and saying "yes... yes indeed", basically generic responses to my mom talking. Then for the rest of the day until I go to sleep I either play video games(MMO usually), watch tv/ anime then go to sleep. That's the drill for the last 6 month (since graduation)

    Weekends is 16 hours waste of time then sleep 8.

    For anyone who care, yesterday I watched Welcome to the NHK episode 18 and 19 and I broke down in tears when I went to sleep.

    I feel like this life is futile and I don't have any plans for the future. Everything financially and my job is going very well. It would be seriously easier just to go to sleep then never wake up. Much less of a hassle.

    As I said, I have no friend and that is my fault. As I said, I reject everyone who invites me. Social gathering bores me and makes me anxious.

    As you can probably tell, I have a hard time expressing to words how I feel.
    I won't reread my post for syntax errors.

    English is not my first language, so sorry about that.
     
  2. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

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    Seriously? Get up and do something, you do nothing all week long and even on the weekends you don't do anything. No wonder your depressed. Go out and do something with friends, if you don't have friends then just go out and explore. God the world is to small to sit inside your house and play video games all day.
     
  3. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    Limit the video games to 1-2 hours a day. Instead, go to the library, make a fitness goal, learn how to cook new recipes, volunteer, write, get a book on carpentry and build shit, etc...

    Life will seem meaningless and boring if you don't put meaning into your life. Achieving goals and expanding your knowledge will make you feel much more fulfilled.
     
  4. seismic

    seismic New Member

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    I personally feel more depressed the more I play video games because it limits my physical activity. Maybe you feel the same way and don't realize it. There's a balance that can be achieved, like Daria mentioned, but you need to get some physical activity first!
     
  5. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    Physical activity can be fun. DRR and Wii Active or Wii Sports Resort are all game-related physical activities. Even something as a simple 20 minute walk outside doesn't take alot of time and fresh air does wonders for a person's mentality.
     
  6. chickenfeather

    chickenfeather New Member

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    ;__; you just described my life...

    The thing is, are you REALLY satisfied with this lifestyle? You can stay holed up by yourself forever or you can go make something of yourself. You don't have to go to social gatherings, but find something other than MMO and anime to do. Something outdoorsy, like fishing, running, or just wandering aimlessly. To change your outlook on life, start doing things you normally wouldn't do. If someone asks you to go out somewhere, say yes, even if you don't want to go. Reject your true self.

    That being said, I'm just going to keep on doing my boring life cycle... I don't have the guts to take this next step yet. Do as I say, not as I do. Oh yeah, stop watching anime like NHK. WTF is wrong with you, knowing you are depressed and immersing yourself in depressing shit?
     
  7. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    Dude, you're depressed. It's ok to admit it. Talk to your family about it, and get some help.
     
  8. kilamasta

    kilamasta New Member

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    Thanks everyone for the replies. I was expected mean responses but I am surprised. I have not got a lot of time right now I will answer more in a few hours.

    Yes I went to see a (free) therapist(?) at University about that 5 months ago.

    About talking to family, they probably know but I don't want to bother them with that, because I would be annoyed if someone like me came up to me and confessed that.
     
  9. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    ITA with Beth.

    If you are only midly depressed the exercise alone will be very beneficial.
     
  10. Swerve

    Swerve OT Supporter

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    You need some excitement mate.

    Find a local Martial Arts/BJJ club and do some sparring.
     
  11. kilamasta

    kilamasta New Member

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    Yes I actually did a lot of exercise for a month this summer. But the way I did it was not a good idea: I went for High-Intensity Interval training. I got motivated for a short period of time then I stopped. Here's the story on how it began:

    I see a very cute girl at work and I get very excited , so I say to myself : "I need to buff up" (im very thin, about 18ish bmi). So I get my usually 1 month motivation, almost each day 30 to 60 minutes,then I completly stop. I lack motivation a lot.

    I don't think my state changed a lot during that time of exercise unfortunately

    I went to see a couseler 5months ago. She was certain I was gonna get better. My voice tone hides completly my depression.

    I don't completly understand myself because I know what to do in order to get better but I just don't do it, and as I just said, often when I try I just fall back (deeper recently) than I was before. It's a weird "vicious" circle.

    I rationnaly think my depression would be gone if I made some friend, stop having social anxiety and get laid. Even when I was crying 2 days ago I was thinking I probably look retarded ( I was in the dark). That was weird being highly emotional and still think pessimistic

    Anyway I am gonna try to do some efforts and keep you guys up to date. If I don't have any reason to make some efforts (I can't keep a promise to myself, I know it), I am just not gonna do it.

    Your comments help me a lot and I enjoy reading them. I actually feel better than last 2 nights.
     
  12. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

    omg lol

    Ok, seriously now, saying "yes" to something even if you don't want to go has actually been very helpful for me, and I recommend it. However, I find it only works if I do it once in awhile. Surprisingly one movie was inspiring for this. I think it's called "Yes Man". Jim Carrey is the main actor. You can really see how his life turns around after he just starts saying "yes" to things and how crazy his life gets.

    I'll give an example. I HATE family get-togethers with my b/f's family, because I am always feeling stressed that I need to impress them, or have them approve of my behaviour. So I'm uptight the whole visit. And when I go over it's not like it's a short visit. They want to spend the WHOLE evening with us. I end up getting home super-late and being tired for work the next day. His family was constantly inviting us over and I was getting really worn out.

    So, my solution was to simply start saying "no" to family gatherings. After awhile, I realised I hadn't seen them in a long while. My b/f's mother has diabetes and isn't doing so well. She is a very kind woman. I decided to start saying "yes" to family gatherings once in awhile, and I realized that I had been missing out on spending some time with my b/f's mother. Not only does she make awesome desserts, but I can talk to her about all sorts of things and I get a sense of fullfillment of having been in the company of such a kind person.

    I feel like my life is richer for having this person in my life and in turn I feel better about my life. If I don't say "yes" once in awhile to an outing such as this, my life just doesn't feel as full.

    So in short, saying "yes" to events you don't normally want to go to, even just saying "yes" once in awhile, might actually lead you to some exciting, fullfilling experiences that you would have missed out on by saying "no" instead.
     
  13. kilamasta

    kilamasta New Member

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    lol I had miss those lines for some reasons. Indeed it's kinda hilarious from a certain point of view. Although the anime is somehow uplifting sometimes.
     
  14. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    Many people let their fear of the unknown paralyze them, and they stick with what they know even though it is boring and depressing.

    Start accepting some of the invitations you receive. Don't be afraid to say yes. The worst that can happen is that you don't enjoy yourself. But... you're not enjoying yourself now, so you have nothing to lose.
     
  15. kilamasta

    kilamasta New Member

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    Hello everyone, this is my follow up since early october.

    I came to the conclusion that I cannot commit suicide right now, as it would crush my family. I did think about ways to counter that, as in going in some others countries on "vacation" and program automatic emails to send to my family , but I completly abandonned the idea as I've gotten a little better since my first post.

    The best thing I did recently(yesterday) was to delete my MMORPG characters and shift+delete the game directory. I had a pretty good time on it though it was getting as I had done everything in it.

    The job has gotten a little less boring right now. I do think I get badder episodes of depression when I am bored at work. Anyway I don't think I will quit because it is near my home and I don't think it would be that much better somewhere else. I could afford it plenty to search another job and it would not be hard to find another, but I won't.

    I am still living unhealthy. I do not do anything much other than sit at work, sit at home (computer or TV) and sleep. I eat very unhealthy too, but I don't overeat. My sleeping pattern is seriously fucked up ( 12h-13h on weekends, 6-7 on weekdays).

    About television, I recently watch the whole anime series Clannad & Clannad: After Story, in about 4 days. I cried again, but it was not because I was reflecting what I saw to my life, unlike Welcome to the NHK. It was just really sad. Although, this series made me feel good overall.

    I did not make any progress on the social side, although I did not regress.

    Wish me luck.
     

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