FRK Hopefully FS Can Answer My Confused Questions

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Bubba Atlantis, Apr 10, 2008.

  1. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    So, I have been debating as to whether I should post this or not. Specifically because I am not fully sure what I am wanting to ask. Lovely and I are going to another Fetish Club Party this weekend. I am really looking forward to it, but not at the same time. We have decided that we are going to extend the amount of playing that we can do with others at this event. We learned last time that there was a lot of interest from others :mamoru:. Anyway, that sounds great, but I am a bit nervous. This nervousness stems from several things. Firstly, I have been only with Lovely since I was 16 and thus I do not really have experience in picking people up. Secondly, I tend to be rather flirtatious (as many of the lovely women here might attest to ;)) but I do not tend to be too forward and direct with my pursuits. This of course is for the obvious reason that I am married and thus am not really pursuing anyone. I noticed this evident last time we went. I was with a girl and chatting with her and although she was almost naked and stated that she was in to me, my instinct is to put my hand on her stomach and not anywhere else. I guess it has its benefits outside of this sort of situation. I tend to be rather respectful and do not push girls boundaries however, in this context it does not work. Finally (well there are more but I will leave it at this), the atmosphere at this place is different than your typical event. People are there having fun, half naked and know that others will show sexual interest in them. Thus a considerable amount of gropping and fondling is expected.

    In the end, I guess my questions that I pose to you is how should I react in this situation? What would be considered appropriate pushing of boundaries with someone? While there, should I just go up to people I am interested in and see what happens? How do I read what a girl wants or is comfortable with? I guess the most logical thing to do in that situation is ask, but that seems awkward to me. I dunno...as you can see by this rambling, I really am in a confused state and do not know what I want. Hopefully someone can help out or at least work it out of me as to what I am needing from the rest of the FS Family.
     
  2. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    It appears that the proper placement for hands on said female who has shown interest would be the :booty:.

    And yes, you should chat up any and all females that you have interest in. From your description of events, if someone returns the interest they will stick around and flirt otherwise they will smile, politely shake their head and wonder off.

    You do so well in PM, now put those flirty skillz to work Bubba! :bigthumb:
     
  3. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    oh I do not have much of a problem with flirting. I guess it is insecurities on my part as to how successful I might be doing so. I mean I can flirt with people here because the purpose is not to hook up with them, but merely to be friendly and have fun. Thus, if rejected it is not really that big of a deal right.

    I guess if someone is not comfortable with something they would say hey? But I dunno, I wouldn't mind hear from some women regarding this. If you feel comfortable with things you will let it go on, if not you will say no right? I guess I just do not know if where I should draw lines and what to expect. I mean I want to be nice and hit on people, but I do not want to be known as the dirty, slimy guy :mamoru:
     
  4. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    We can only go by the info you have provided but I'd have to say...again:
    Yes, they will tell you in a polite manner if they are not interested and if you mis-read someone's signals, they will tell you if what you are doing is not appropriate.

    Ask Lovely if she did not find this to be true.
     
  5. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    I guess...I mean I am nervous but not at the same time. I think it will be okay. I just have not done it for so long that I feel I am a bit rusty and dont' know if I would pick up subtle cues.
     
  6. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    Your pretty bright. I think a set of tits in your face is enough of a clue even if your nervous :mamoru:. Seriously, it seems that folks there are sooo open and even an admission that you are "new to this" will get you a giggle and some assistance/understanding. :)
     
  7. novo

    novo Pokey Man OT Supporter

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    Just relax, be yourself and have fun :)

    if you're not into it, don't force it.
    if you ARE into it, just be honest.
     
  8. Lovely Atlantis

    Lovely Atlantis Luscious Lovely Lady!

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    well I've already told you all my info before. But here it is again summarized

    1. Be confident. Don't worry about things so much. You're sexy and any girl would be happy to have you. If they're not into you... so what? You know at the end of the night you're getting laid by me anyway ;)
    2. Be direct. It may seem akward but go ahead and say things outright. I had a guy directly say to me "do you like it rough or soft" as he was pulling my hair.
    3. Give girls an out. For instance, after you've been chatting a bit and start to turn up the heart (ie: putting a hand on her thigh or ass) tell her "You can tell me to fuck off at any moment and I'll be gone". This is exactly what a guy did with me and it made me feel so much more comfortable. It put the control in my court so I didn't feel at all like I was being pressured into something I didn't want. It also shows that you're respectful (which I know you are! That's why you're so worried about all this)
    4. HAVE FUN! Don't overanalyze stuff... just relax and be yourself.
     
  9. chakup

    chakup Guest

    I got to say- it's weird to me to read a thread about a couple going to a fetish party and the concern is from the guy on how to pick up women. nothing at all about her or what not.

    As for what to do- I'm sort of the same. Very flirtatious personality, but don't necessarily mean to or know how to follow up on it. As said I'm married so no need to. In this case- be confident, enjoy yourself. If you end up there and not your thing at the moment, just have fun. You decide you want to push a situation- go for it. Make it comfortable for you and enjoy yourself.
     
  10. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    I think the reason for that Chakup is that, IMO, it is simple for women. The way our society works is that the girl sits there and waits until a guy comes up. If they are interested, they say okay, if they are not, they say go away, and wait for the next. It is up to men to approach the women.

    It seems we are in a similar spot. I guess that is a nice way to put it "I don't necessarily mean to or know how to follow up on it". I guess it will be a good learning situation.

    Lovely says I am attractive and can get people, so I guess we will see
     
  11. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    I am far too shy to say 'I am new to this'. I would get too embarassed. I like being in control of a situation and not letting on that I am having difficulties with things. So, I would go on and try to learn from the situation.


    I didn't last time :wtc:...but if we had gone to the party I would have gotten laid by Bev :mamoru:

    I think it is important to be direct about things. As I said, I would hope that people would say whether they were comfortable or not. See, I guess for me it is taking it from that flirting and joking around to something more serious....it is that transition point that is awkward for me I think.

    I think being straight forward and blunt would be a good thing. I liked the idea of a friend coming with us (sadly she is not now) because it gave me a bit of a safety valve for things. If it wasn't turning out right, I could rely on the friend. However, not having her there might be good as well. It will force me to come out of my shell a bit as well. :)
     
  12. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    As I said in the above...I guess the key problem I am facing is how to move it from the casual to the more intimate. Also, how to know if that girl dancing on the floor by herself wants to be alone or wants someone to come and join her :naughty: Yeah, actually I think those are my two questions :)

    Hmm, this is helping I guess :big grin:
     
  13. razi

    razi New Member

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    It's all personal confidence and class, man. Start small, if you feel you have to (ie don't go around grab-assing until you know the girl is comfortable with you). If you know the physical signs of a girl liking you, you'll know how to proceed. Reinforce your interpretation of body language with direct verbal questions and statements, where in doubt.

    as for your single girl dancing example... approach and politely ask "care for company?" or "may I join you?" Make sure to include a warm, slightly knowing smile... if she says no, "politely move on." if she says yes, get over there, hold her close and do your thing.

    Remember, you are the prize to be won- the handsome gentleman who's a devil in the sack. I'm sure lovely can attest to this.
     
  14. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    lol....wow, such amazing comments from people in here and in Vag :mamoru:

    "handsome gentleman who's a devil in the sack".....are you coming on to me Razi :eek3::rofl::rofl::rofl:

    I think you make some good points. I would attest that I have been good at approaching people and coming off well, so I think if I just approach the situation the same as any other and just try to move it beyond where I usually end things with friends, I should be okay. I guess the key is to not overthink things and just treat it like any other situation :)

    *Yes, Lovely, you did already say this I know :)*
     
  15. razi

    razi New Member

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    If I liked guys, I'd probably go for bears. Sorry if I got your hopes up there, Bubba. ;)
     
  16. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    awww shucks :mamoru:

    Bears hey.....yeah, I do not think that would work for me. I am far too dominant. I think I would go for that girly guy type
     
  17. novo

    novo Pokey Man OT Supporter

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    grrr :cool:


    Bears love that :naughty:
     
  18. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    :mamoru: well then :wavey:
     
  19. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    I think that you have already had some amazing advice. You seem to have a pretty astute mind. You also seem to rather contemplative. Stop it, in these situations. In my experience, being blatantly honest/blunt has been my trump card over all competition. I pretty much call it how I see it to everyone, and I tend to get pretty positive results (from those that I am interested in). And best thing of all, if they aren't that into you, you have streamlined through all of the bullshit.

    Boundaries are all fine and dandy, but a lot of individuals at a fetish party will tell you when they are uncomfortable. That just tends to be who we are, unless you're thing is being dominated...at which point a handler is typically in play and will block you if your presence isn't appreciated.

    Let your guard down (except with that gay guy, since he's a lil confused thanks to your playfully Lovely ladies; you might need to correct his misunderstanding as he might think you like playing hard to get). Have fun!
     
  20. Lovely Atlantis

    Lovely Atlantis Luscious Lovely Lady!

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    I think I have to point out something that happened this last time with that gay guy. BUBBA was leading him on! I did NOTHING last time! Bubba was such a tease to him... letting him undo his shirt and smiling and joking with him and stuff. Here he goes blaming me for the other time and then I saw how he was acting.
     
  21. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    hahahahahahahahahahaha

    A lot of str8 guys like the attention. I find that guys are so accustomed to being the 'chaser' that when the tables are innocently turned, they kinda appreciate it. Or, rather, at least the ones who are comfortable in their masculinity.

    Flirting transcends the lines of sexuality.

    But, I have to admit that it is frustrating to most gay guys, especially in college. So many str8 guys flirt with gay guys, and to the str8 guy they KNOW it isn't going anywhere...but the gay guy is left wishing and hoping and thinking and praying - and then they run off and start threads in the closet! /rant
     
  22. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    lol I wasn't a tease. I was simply being nice :mamoru: I did make it clear though to him that I was not interested.

    When a gay guy hits on me or comments on my photos (like NovaJack did), I jsut take it as a compliment. Regardless as to the gender of an individual, it is nice to be appreciated.

    I find your last comment interesting. Do women not do that to straight guys as well? It is interesting how the tables get turned.

    I will admit, I have been nice to the guy, but I have said a few times that I was not interested. As I mentioned previously, I might have to be a bit more firm the next time and although flattering, cease his flirting with me. I dunno.
     
  23. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    ...I might have just been a lil frustrated by all of the 'do str8 guys do this' threads. Although it is cute to read how various situations can be interpreted, eventually parasympathetic blueballs set in.

    Tap that, already, or move on.
     
  24. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    Yea... But I think that there is a fundamental difference, somehow. At some point the women might decided to actually give the guy some play --you know, because they have complimentary sexualities. There is still the possibility, however distant, that the str8 guy can win the flirty-but-uninterested girl. Can you say the same for str8 guys and gay guys?

    How many (non-questioning, non-DL, non-str8-now-bi-l8tr) str8 guys do you know where the possibility exists that he would give up the goods to a gay guy (ignoring the 'situational' examples such as incarceration, youthful circle-jerks, military camaraderie/solidarity, and the like)...?
     
  25. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    I totally agree with you. Having said that, does not part of the responsibility fall on the gay guy to recognize that the other individual is straight and therefore nothing will happen? I mean take my example for instances. I admit I have been kind to the guy and maybe even flirted a bit (though, for the most part unintentionally); however, I have also stated that I am not interested in him and that he will not get anywhere with me. Therefore, if he continues to persue, I believe that any flirting I do is irrelevant as it is his choice to continually be flirted with or leave, is it not?
     

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