SRS Hit me with some advice OT- I'm stuck

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Lucky Penny, Jan 19, 2007.

  1. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    So you know my best friend who's being abused by her husband- well he head butted her in the face 3 days ago for not cleaning out their George Forman grill.

    So i'm the only person who knows how bad this abuse is getting- and I live 4 states away from her. She doesn't want to leave or get help- she feels she should stay and help him.

    I've been seriously considering telling her aunt and uncle what's been going on. She's closest to them than anyone else in her family. I think someone besides me needs to know- some one who lives closer to her- some one who may have a bit more sway. I dunno. If he hurts her or my God daughter, and I didn't tell anyone...I don't even know...

    But if I rat her out to her family- there's an excellent chance that she won't talk to me, and probably for a very long time. Which means she no longer has someone she can trust to be on her side.

    Which is worse? Which is better? If I tell her family- do I tell her I told them? Do I not say anything to them and just keep on trying to encourage her to leave. I'm stuck. Ideas anyone?
     
  2. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    Do you like seeing your friend being hurt? Do you realise you have the potential to change the situation, and can you picture that every time she gets hit it could be because of your inactivity?

    If you choose to be inactive, you are not truley her friend!

    Phone her aunt and uncle and the rest of the family immediatly. They will apply pressure to the situation.

    Or, you can let her get kicked around, since that is what a true friend would do for another friend, right?

    It is very possesive to think that it is an option not to tell someone that can do something, and you value a long distance friendship more then her health (mental, physical, emotional, ect, and perhaps the health of a future child).

    You know what the right thing to do is now. Karma on you if you choose not to do it.
     
  3. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    I totally understand what you are saying and I completely agree.

    Though my thought behind not telling her family is not about preserving our friendship. It's about her feeling betrayed and not having anyone she trusts to talk to and help her get out of this mess. Just because her family knows doesn't mean she's going to leave.

    So I can tell her family and hope they do something about it, yet leave her alone and friendless- so she can really feel stuck in her situation. Or I can continue to be there for her and try to keep on encouraging her to get help.
     
  4. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Hm.

    A long time ago a great friend of mine was kidnapped from a party, tied up in a basement, and gang raped for a day. The guys let her go, and she never reported it. Well, over the next few weeks, they figured out where she lived and kept driving by. Clearly they were up to something. She was scared and confided in me that she didn't know what to do.

    I flew up to her state (OR) rented a moving van, and moved her in with me in CA. Did she want to go? No, not really. Did I make her go? Damn straight.

    In your situation I would probably do the same. Would there be hell to pay? Yeah, probably, but sometimes you have to make hard decisions.
     
  5. johan

    johan Active Member

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    You should inform her family. She may not talk to you for a while, but that is a small price to pay to do the right thing.
    It is the right thing, even though she may not realize it at this time.


    Give her these numbers first.

    National Domestic Violence/Child Abuse/ Sexual Abuse: 800-799-SAFE /800-799-7233
    Domestic Violence Hotline:800-829-1122
    These hotlines are staffed 24/7.

    Tell her she has 1 week to call them. If she doesn't...talk to the relatives.
     
  6. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    Thank you Thank you Thank you. You guys are right. I just don't want to make the wrong decision and I feel like I'm too involved in the situation to see it clearly. Your insight is invaluable :hs:
     

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