Hit a HUGE bump in my relationship

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Canuckistan, Oct 24, 2007.

  1. Canuckistan

    Canuckistan New Member

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    Well i never really wanted to make a thread on this, but it's about that time.

    Back story, I'm 20, and the gf turns 19 this year, been dating for 3.5 years.

    The last few months have been horrible, I've just been in a pretty emo mood. The gf goes to college and plays for their soccer team. Needless to say shes a pretty busy and cant stay out/up late on fri and sat nights because she has soccer in the mornings. So for 1...that sucks

    Whenever i see her she's just tired, pretty much wants to cuddle and thats about it. I try pretty much every time we're together to get something going, but nada. Its now been 60 days of no sex, and we've talked about it a lot and i thought that this would help and we'd start having sex again..no such luck.

    its just that im third place now, during the summer it was good, i had no problems or complaints at all. and now when i go clubbing with my buddies (cause she goes to bed at 10 on the weekends..which i do see her first) all i wanna do is test the waters because i know there are a lot of girls out there that would like to have a go at me :o

    i don't know what kind of answers I'm looking for here, maybe tell me if you've been through this, or what you'd do? i dont know :wtc:
     
  2. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Been there and it sucks.

    If you really care about her and really see a future with her then just put up with it. Eventually soccer season will end and time will open up for you.

    If you are uncertain about how badly you want to be with her, then it might be worth it to end it. You're 20 y/o and the last few years and the next few (18-25) are going to be your prime ass-getting years and you might strongly regret staying in this relationship down the road.... especially if you never see her and are not even getting sex.
    You said you feel depressed and "emo-moodish" lately due to this. I am not sure I would stay in a relationship with a girl if it was ultimately bringing me down and making me feel bad. Relationships (good ones at least) should do the opposite.

    The way I see it..... She has very little time for you, you guys don't have sex, and on the weekends you go clubbing to "test the waters"... Sounds like it might be time to walk away before things get too hostile/bad with you two.

    When does soccer season end?
     
  3. KMAzz

    KMAzz OT Supporter

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    Way to support her... If sex is the only reason you are in the relationship just end it and go out fucking random sluts nightly. Then you wont have to worry about it.
     
  4. Canuckistan

    Canuckistan New Member

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    Saw this one coming. It's really not like this at all. I do support her, but also hope for something in a realtionship. I work 50 hours a week and wake up at 5am, but im always good to go. The hting is, we've been together for 3.5 years, i love her, but its just getting harder and harder and we're falling further and further apart. Are you saying you stay in the relationship if you got sex once a month or so? It's selfish, but also a important aspect to a realtionship.

    Worst part, shes in school for another 5 years.

    College soccer ends in a month, then starts her winter womens league, then after that starts her spring league. It's year round. It's been fine till this semester with her having 4 classes, and no time for anyone.

    I dont want to be sellfish and make her choose me over a job, but if it was 'love' I think she could find more time for me.
     
  5. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    For some people, romance and sex are linked. :wavey:

    What are you so grouchy about?

    I don't think the OP is obligated to stay in a monogamous relationship that isn't sexual.

    If you enjoy asexual romance that is cool, but we are not all the same.
     
  6. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Has her sex drive changed lately, or has it always been like this?

    I mean... I work 10-14 hours a day and I am still hot for my wife. To me, a lack of sex is something that ruins relationships. :(
     
  7. Canuckistan

    Canuckistan New Member

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    sex was great man..jsut changed since school started.

    its such a big hting to me..and its gone.

    maybe time apart will make her re think things
     
  8. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    You have two options
    1. Leave, and find a relaionship more immediatly fullfililng or
    2. Wait it out, adn hope your current realtionship will stand up this

    I would vote one, but we can't decide for you
     
  9. FloppyCock

    FloppyCock New Member

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    Because two months without sex is a good thing, right? I hope you're a girl, because I just can't imagine a guy saying something like this.

    And if you are indeed a girl, grow up.
     
  10. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    if sex is that important to you (and i'm not judging) then break up with her.
     
  11. Canuckistan

    Canuckistan New Member

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    well when you're 20 it's a pretty important thing, and when it just stops for no reason, it sucks. u can only talk/fight about it so much you know.

    thing is, we discuss it, and then its kinda awkward because then she knows i want to have sex, and that i guess just turns her off and she cant get into the mood. a lot of it is just in her head im thinking.

    i just met up with her and we discussed to go on a break. gonna see if anything changes, and if im important in her life or not. guess we'll see, let some time go past and find out what happens from there.
     
  12. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    gtfo
     
  13. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    soccer is almost over, it will get better. of course she's tired and doesnt wanna be having sex or going out! if she's important to you, you'll wait around for her to get through this. if not, i mean, you've only been together 3 1/2 years
     
  14. Kinks

    Kinks Sup. OT Supporter

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    There is a list of things I need from a relationship:

    1) companionship
    2) sex

    if one of those isn't being met, there's no point. I can get companionship from my mates, and i can get sex from random sluts or prostitutes if i get really desperate.

    could I see myself in a relationship where there was no sex? NO.
     
  15. peoplescar

    peoplescar Guest

    I have to go 2 or more weeks without seeing my girlfriend... i don't have a choice. the way i look at it is that it will always get better.

    you need to realize that her playing soccer and this apparent "trouble" you are in isn't going to last forever. you guys will be fucking like jackrabbits in no time...

    on a side note, why don't you do something out of the ordinary for her, like cook her a romantic dinner, or take her out. things like this can really give things a jump start.
     
  16. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You're 20 years old and in college. Do not "test the waters" until you've broken up with her....but I'd say break up with her. In the grand scheme of things you two are most likely not going to last at all. And while you have a lot of history it hasn't been cutting it for a while. You are just holding onto memories at this point but constantly miserable that your relationship can't be better.

    I know you mentioned you guys have talked about the lack of sex and she's agreed that it would change (yet it hasnt), well I'd suggest talking to her heart-to-heart once more and say it's getting old and you are getting over it. If she's not willing to please you I don't see anything getting better. I know she's very busy, I'm familiar with her schedule, but I also didn't have a relationship during that time because I was too stressed and busy! Anywho, say something and honestly think about breaking it off soon if things don't change. Quit dragging it out and denying yourself a fun college life.
     
  17. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Instead of breaking up with her, why don't you pitch the idea of an open relationship to her?

    Seriously, you were young when you started dating. You are probably each other's first real love (I could be wrong). If you aren't, then I'd say you probably don't have many other experiences with others.

    If you truly care about each other then you could have the relationship AND you both can go out and get the other experiences that I would suggest you NEED before you consider something like getting married anyway.

    It's win/win.

    It's either this or break up. Those are really your options because I'm telling you, these problems are going to tear you guys apart if SOMETHING isn't done and it doesn't look like there IS a good solution to this besides splitting up.

    So try it. Try an open relationship. It's win/win.
     
  18. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    open relationships arent for everyone. not everyone can emotionally handle sharing someone theyre in love with, with someone else. as I said before, this problem is only limited by time. If every time I couldnt hang out with my boyfriend because of softball, he went out and cheated on me, I would be seriously pissed. He knew my playing a sport was going to limit our time together even more than it already was (we see each other every few weeks), but he supported me anyway because he knew it would make me happy. She's going to have to do things for herself if your relationship is going to last. It cant be all about you and your need for sex, you should be able to get some kind of happiness out of knowing your girl is doing something she loves.
     
  19. FloppyCock

    FloppyCock New Member

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    Two months of "I'm not in the mood" isn't healthy. He should be able to get some kind of happiness from the relationship, too.
     
  20. peoplescar

    peoplescar Guest

    what is this "she's probably your first love so it doesn't matter" bullshit i'm hearing?
     
  21. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    possibly, but hey at least they seem to be able to be together quite frequently unlike some of us who have to go weeks at a time. maybe she's just so tired from running sprints all day that she wants nothing but to lay and cuddle. of course, if he made the first move, told her she didnt have to do anything except lie back and relax, then maybe once she got going she would be more open to the idea of sex. Plus, there are things that effect a girls' sex drive, like stress...seeing as she's at college, taking classes, and playing a sport, while dealing with the pressure of maintaining a relationship, this is a very real possibility.
     
  22. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Agreeing with everyone else here.

    Sounds like it is just isn't worth it right now.

    And I don't know why some of you guys are saying it's just all about the sex.

    Sex is part of most healthy romantic relationships. Especially at our ages (20's). Now, i understand her being tired from school...but not ONCE in 2 months?

    Come on. Your sex drive doesn't just shut off normally for 2 months. There has to be something else going on, whether it be a loss of interest, illness, major stress, something like that.

    And if it is just stress, maybe she doesn't need to be in a relationship right now (assuming school and all her other things are causing major stress).
     
  23. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I was in her shoes before. I was tired and stressed all the time...but if I had been in a 3.5 year relationship that was crashing and burning I would do everything I could to save it.

    In this case she already knows how he feels about them not having sex and she said she agreed...yet she does nothing. Sounds like she is giving up or expecting him to do everything. Relationships need compromise, if she's not willing to give the kid 5 minutes of sex then I don't see how that's really going to change in a few weeks when she's just got a little bit of time off of soccer with him.
     
  24. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    I've thought a lot about this recently... short end of it is that the words comming out of her mouth don't mean a damn thing.

    her actions clearly show you all you need to know. no girl is that dumb not to know better.
     
  25. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    Because it is, he said it in the OP, that he's thinking about hooking up with other girls because he's sure other people would love to have a "go" at him.

    I thought of something else, maybe she should be the one who's angry, since youre going out clubbing all the time, and thinking about hooking up with other girls, while she's working her tail off at school and soccer.

    I dont know, but it doesnt sound like you're in it for the long haul. might as well give up now i guess and go get your dick wet somewhere.
     

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