Hilarious Programming Analogies

Discussion in 'OT Technology' started by ziptnf, Nov 4, 2007.

  1. ziptnf

    ziptnf huh?

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    TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot.

    C: You shoot yourself in the foot.

    C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying,"That's me, over there."

    FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in each toe until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue with the attempts to shoot yourself anyway because you have no exception-handling capability.

    Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot, no matter how much you need to.

    Java: Shoot yourself in the foot, using a 135 foot .22 Magnum.

    Ada: After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover you can't because your foot is of the wrong type.

    COBOL: Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be re-tied.

    LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...

    FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot.

    Prolog: You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't permit it to explain it to you.

    Ruby: Shoot yourself in the foot, but pull the trigger too hard and the gun turns into a rubber duck.

    BASIC: Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On large systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.

    Visual Basic: You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have had so much fun doing it that you won't care.

    HyperTalk: Put the first bullet of gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result.

    Motif: You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the bullet, its trajectory, and the intricate scrollwork onthe ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.

    Python: You get out your 12-gage and prepare to shoot yourself in the foot, but when you do, it complains because your foot doesn’t look pretty enough.

    APL: You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters.

    SNOBOL: If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot.

    Unix:% ls foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o % rm * .o rm:.o no such file or directory % ls %

    Concurrent Euclid: You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.

    370 JCL: You send your foot down to MIS and include a 400-page document explaining exactly how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.

    Paradox: Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can, too.

    Access: You try to point the gun at your foot, but it shoots holes in all your Borland distribution diskettes instead.

    Revelation: You're sure you're going to be able to shoot yourself in the foot, just as soon as you figure out what all these nifty little bullet-thingies are for.

    Assembler: You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to discover you must first invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot.

    Modula2: After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.
     
  2. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    :rofl:

    I like the one about Assembler.

    And the one about Visual Basic.
     
  3. P07r0457

    P07r0457 New Member

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    indeed.
     
  4. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    Concurrent Euclid :rofl:
     
  5. StevesVR4

    StevesVR4 Get Arrested

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    The Access one is :mamoru:
     
  6. ez4me2c3d

    ez4me2c3d Cold Member

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    I don't get this one

    Ruby: Shoot yourself in the foot, but pull the trigger too hard and the gun turns into a rubber duck.
     
  7. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    It's fragile because it's a scripting language?
     
  8. PC Principle

    PC Principle New Member

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    Wirelessly posted via wap.offtopic.com (Motorola Q: Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows CE; Smartphone; 240x320) Opera 8.65 [en])

    This thread makes me glad that I dont program.
     
  9. midcalbrew

    midcalbrew OT Supporter

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    After just finishing up a programming languages class, this is hilarious. We had to do programs in C, Java, Prolog, and LISP. I think their descriptions are EXACTLY how it was ...
     
  10. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    The sad thing about programming classes is that, for all the technical terminology and whizbangery, it's really just like woodshop -- if you don't WANT to know how to work with wood (or in this case, code), it won't do a goddamned thing to show you why it's worth spending time on.
     

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