I have never in my life needed anti-depressants. I am a recovering drug addict, and have been clean for over 7 years, and have always prided myself in the fact that i have, until recently, lived a normal life A few months ago, i started getting depressed and having anxiety, and even panic attacks, for no apparent external reason. It has been affecting my work, i've dodged all my friends, i rarely leave the house except to work and attend NA meetings, and even those have been hard. I always, now i see foolishley, looked down on people who have needed anti-depressants, like they could "just get over it" Now, i see, that is not the case. It's like telling a diabetic to regulate his own blood sugar. I started getting increased anger and agitation, couldnt sleep. I wake up multiple times a night in total panic. I made a doctors appointment today to deal with a persistant cold and talk about depression as a secondary reason. When it came time to go this morning, i was, literaly, unable to leave my house. I threw up in the shower from stress (this has been ongoing), couldnt eat, wanted to just die, eat a bottle of pills so i could just have a break in a hospital or something like that. I called my sponsor, and he left work and came and got me, took me to the doctors office, and was with me every step of the way, right down to the exam and everything. The doctor has put me on a 50mg dosage of Zoloft per day. I dont know what to expect. It's my understanding that it is not mood altering, which i cannot take, it just regulates brain chemistry. I did decline a prescription for narcotics to take during panic episodes, I'm an addict and my brain doesnt know the difference between narcotics prescribed for me, and narcotics to ease pain. If i get a panic attack, i'll just ride it out like i have been. The panic and anxiety is attributed to the depression, so zoloft should treat it all. experience? strength? hope?