Hey Vag! Name's Jason, I'll be hanging out for a while

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Nullius, Oct 6, 2009.

  1. Nullius

    Nullius New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2005
    Messages:
    8,259
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maranda
    *updates* Hey Vag! Name's Jason, I'll be hanging out for a while

    EDIT: UPDATES THROUGHOUT - cliffs - took vag's advice, not out of woods yet but much better off

    Just got dumped, here's the cliffs.

    She's 20, i'm 26

    She left her parents at 18 to come to NYC to join broadway

    We've dated a little over 2 years

    (This next part is in the past 4 days):

    She put us on a break cause I was stressed out about her wanting to go out and party more (i was snapping at her cause i resented her decision).

    She got WASTED and slept with one of her coworkers.

    I put us on a break (last night).

    She finally figured out that as much as she loves me she loves her dream more and needs to grow as a person before we can be together (about 3 hours ago).

    She dumps me (about 2 hours ago).

    /cliffs


    She's determined 100% that i'm the one for her but she needs to run around a bit to experience all the wrong so she can then enjoy the right. I fully understand cause I did the same thing a few years ago. I told her she's the only person in my life I ever want to be close with again, and we're going to get back together sometime in the future (who knows when that will be).

    shitty part is we live together, with my little sister (23 years old). and rent is going to be very difficult to make without her.

    I'm not "waiting for her" in the sense that I'm not going to live my own life, but I'm not going to forget about her either, nor am i going to be mad at her for doing what she needs to do to make her life feel complete - i was there once too...

    I'm pretty fucked up and I need friends, already contacted and told 3 people the story, a coworker, a friend, and my sister. I'm going to keep as busy as possible in the next couple months and I don't know if I'm going to see my ex at all.

    How am I taking it so far? Any mistakes in the process? This isn't my first terrible breakup, I know what I need to do and I think I'm a pretty mature person.

    ----------Update---------

    Saw someone in the vag the other day update a thread he had written I've a year ago (I think) and I've got some pretty relevant updates to my story.

    *clears throat*

    Ladies and gentlemen, I'm fucking stupid. She came over my place about a week after she moved out the happiest I've seen her in a while, she said she had slept with the same coworker again (this time she wasn't drunk) and she stopped it 2 mins in and said she wanted nothing but me for the rest of her life.

    I let her move back in after her 3 month lease was up, we had been spending almost every day together having amazing make-up sex and trying to work through the issues.

    Our current lease was up so we moved into a cheaper place up town and made it our happy little home. I took the next 6 months to fully forgive her for what she did, I've been happy ever since.

    Fast forward to about a month ago, she's doing 2 shows (theatre major), plus working 3 nights at a bar and a full class schedule at school - I'm busy with my own shit, we never see each other.

    She starts getting distant again, tells me she has a crush on someone and she's scared, I wave it off saying that it happens from time to time. The crush goes away 2 weeks later for no reason other than it dies down (the guy was just some dude she'd see walking the dog in the park, they never even had a conversation, it was completely visual).

    A month passes, she's even more busy and now she can't hide how distant she feels. Now she's worries that it won't go away once we start spending more time together at the end of the semester.

    She feels like I'm being a bit overbearing (I was a tad, I was scared and holding on a bit too tight) so she freaks out and starts yelling about how "you don't own me." ok fine, she's right, we have to be our own people in order to be happy. So during the day we don't talk or text and just hang when we both get home after work (which ends up being for about half an hour or so each night).

    Things appeared to be getting better, for about 2 days.

    Then last night she says to me, "I want to be a bartender in a hash bar in Amsterdam." Let me translate - "I want to be free to experience life on my own and not have you at home to worry about or worry about getting hurt."

    We talk for about 10 mins and she says even if she stopped being so busy and the love came back, she's always want to go to amsterdam. Meaning: it's over for good and I'll always come back to this conclusion until I actually get to do it.

    So here I am sharing an apartment with a person that refuses to leave even though my name is on the lease with my parents as cosigners (her name not on it at all), and she has nose surgery in January and she's on my insurance - already has the date picked out.

    I am pretty broke and can't get my own place, she's equally as broke but wants a girlfriend of hers to move in with her. I told her if she can get me and my parents off the lease then she can do whatever.

    My parents live 1.5 hours north by train and my job Is in midtown (Manhatten). I go to school 3 days a week in the city, work 5 days and I'm doing my first degree with the Freemasons tomorrow night. The timing is terrible.

    I'm absolutely devistated but I should have seen it coming. Worst part is I don't blame her cause being confused about what she wanted isn't her fault if she didn't even know herself.

    Have fun with that OT, I'm all ears.
     
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2010
  2. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2004
    Messages:
    23,699
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NoVA
    Sounds like you're handling it well so far. It's gonna suck, no way around that. Your best bet is to cut off contact with her though. Go out with your guy friends on a regular basis, try and stay healthy (exercise, eat right, sleep right), and you'll be fine. Keep your head up. Date someone older next time.
     
  3. THoC

    THoC New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2007
    Messages:
    7,341
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    TRampa, FL
    welcome.

    looks like you are handling it pretty maturely.

    i know you said you are not wating for her but at the same time you still seem like you think she's the one and only.

    careful with that thinking. bc as much as she may say that it means nothing.
     
  4. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2007
    Messages:
    30,849
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Rhode Island
    Just move on, forget about her.
     
  5. Secret Agent Man

    Secret Agent Man New Member

    Joined:
    May 22, 2002
    Messages:
    74,884
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Boston
    :werd:

    Chances are you two are done for good. Move on, don't dwell on her.
     
  6. k624ash

    k624ash New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2006
    Messages:
    446
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Pa
    I had an girl break up with me, told me she still loved me and hoped we would get back together. I havent had any contact with her since. I wouldnt wait for her or expect her to come back. Treat it as if you will never talk to her again. Then if you get back together, cool, if not, no big deal.
     
  7. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2003
    Messages:
    4,729
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Twin Cities, MN
    Typical "I love you, but I want to fuck other people" bullshit...

    She's young and immature. Forget about her and find a better woman.
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    She's 20.

    You're not going to end up together, no matter what bullshit of "I need to grow and live by myself first" she says, she simply means "I need to be single at the highlight of my youth and beauty in a superficial town and industry, and don't need you holding me back."

    Sorry to be blunt, but the last thing you need is to be in denial and even have a sliver of hope you two will get back together one day. Just continue to move on and not talk to her again :wavey:
     
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2009
  9. Gogoplata

    Gogoplata Guest

    marry me?
     
  10. Nullius

    Nullius New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2005
    Messages:
    8,259
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maranda
    I'm at work right now, so I'll probably be pretty active in the thread tonight. As far as eating/sleepig/exercising goes: when I get like this I can't eat anything, I just waste away. Exercise is hard cause I lack the drive and sleep is difficult cause my mind runs away with me when I'm by myself.


    But it's only the first day, I've dealt with this before and I know it gets easier

    this hurts and sucks. I really think we'll have a shot in a few years. But I plan on getting over her in the mean time, not expecting anything, and not waiting for her.

    Bottom line she is the kind of girl you always dream of and I'd still like to end up with her (if it isn't her she'll have to act exactly like her in a lot of ways).



    I don't want anything to do with women right now. The only way I'm fucking anything is if it's through a glory hole, and all the threads about those on OT have completely ruined that possibility

    I think this is gonna be the tactic, in the mean time I'm going to rejoin broly crew and make her crazy jealous.

    I can't let this ruin my life, I have to continue to be a good person and better myself any way I can. I need as much self esteem as I can get and the better I look the better I'll feel.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 7, 2009
  11. Sirian

    Sirian New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2003
    Messages:
    25,106
    Likes Received:
    0
    You have to get that thought out of your head. As long as you hold on to hope you aren't going to be able to move on and truly get over her. It sucks and I know you aren't going to be able to do that right now, or anytime soon probably, but as long as you are holding out hope you aren't going to get over her and she will never come back.

    If she comes back (if she doesn't do it in a few days like girls often do) you want to be truly over her to be able to accurately judge if you all should get back together or not.

    Good luck broseph, I do not envy your situation where she was living with you. :hugot:
     
  12. SquallRm

    SquallRm New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2005
    Messages:
    8,617
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Jerz, ya dig
    she cheated. be out B.
     
  13. Nullius

    Nullius New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2005
    Messages:
    8,259
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maranda
    You're right :sigh: you're right. I have to cut it completely and give up hope. I know she won't come back in a couple days, I just know. My life is about to get very dark again... God this sucks.
     
  14. Nullius

    Nullius New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2005
    Messages:
    8,259
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maranda
    We live in a two bedroom that me and my ex share. We're in one bedroom, my sister in the other.

    My sister and I are already in the process of looking for a new place. For obvious reasons I can't have a roomy move in to pick up the slack. I'm just gonna have to eat the $1725 security deposit we made cause the lease isn't up till march. Sucks.

    The breakup happened this afternoon, I'm planning on spending the night at a friends house tonight, already have it all set up.
     
  15. Sirian

    Sirian New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2003
    Messages:
    25,106
    Likes Received:
    0
    You never know, it seems to be like 50/50 if they come back quickly or not. You just can't let her come back to you and you immediately forgive her and take her back without any changes.

    SHE BROKE UP WITH YOU, if you decide to give her another chance, whether its soon or sometime down the road, you have to remember she has done this to you and cannot just accept her back with a clean slate. Personally, her being 20 is fucking young. She is going to want to have her "wild phase" sooner or later. It's probably best to just let her go now and you go and grow and change also. Once she has grown up, if she ever does, she might come back to you, she might not. You just want to be able to accurately judge her versus other girls that you are going to meet and date in the future to decide if she is truly everything you thought she was or not.

    Stay strong, it's rough, and we are here for ya.
     
  16. Nullius

    Nullius New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2005
    Messages:
    8,259
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maranda
    Ugh, she just called me to see if I'm ok and to give me a heads up that she's bringing people over - few of her girlfriends. I asked her why she was calling and she said, "cause you're my best friend and I love you." I said "oh." very calm. She said "is that ok that I said that? It's just we ended everything on such a positive note today, I thought it would be ok."

    I told her that it's fine but I'm at work so I'd have to talk to her later. This girl really does love me, I know it. The timing just sucks.

    Sucks even more knowing what I'm going to have to do - cutting her off and all.
     
  17. Nullius

    Nullius New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2005
    Messages:
    8,259
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maranda
    Not the best situation to be in to be sure
     
  18. Sirian

    Sirian New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2003
    Messages:
    25,106
    Likes Received:
    0

    If she truly loved you she wouldn't hurt you as bad as she had by breaking up with you. Saying that is just trying to make her feel better about herself, don't believe her.
     
  19. jonno

    jonno New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2003
    Messages:
    63,823
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    fort sam
    like others have said.. let her go. cut all contact for a very long time... and then when you're 110% over her think about if she's worth having has a friend and contact her at this point.
     
  20. Nullius

    Nullius New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2005
    Messages:
    8,259
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maranda
    That's harsh
     
  21. Nullius

    Nullius New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2005
    Messages:
    8,259
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maranda
    Understood but let me ask you this. If I cut all ties she'll understand but it will put a sour taste for me in her mouth. What if I just meet up with her for coffee or maintain a plutonic friendship with her just so that I stay in her mind constantly as "the one for her?"

    that way I'll be constantly in her mind as the love of her life. And when she's ready we can get back together.
     
  22. jonno

    jonno New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2003
    Messages:
    63,823
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    fort sam
    you'll never get over her this way. it'll drag on that process and cause you even more misery.misery. it can take years to fully get over someone.. and seconds for those feelings to come right back. id keep your distance for a long time dude :hs:
     
  23. Nullius

    Nullius New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2005
    Messages:
    8,259
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maranda
    You're right about the feelings. We're gonna talk at our place tonight. All thefeelings are probably going to come right back. I need to be strong but I want to end it positively so she still has a positive idea of me.
     
  24. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Uggggghhhh, reading your comments make me so sad :sad2:
     
  25. Nullius

    Nullius New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2005
    Messages:
    8,259
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maranda
    Jesus I'm such a wreck, such a pathetic wreck. I just stepped out of myself for a second and read what I've been writing... If I were my best friend I'd be kicking my ass.
     

Share This Page