SRS Here we go again, please bare with me...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Ruination, Sep 30, 2005.

  1. Ruination

    Ruination New Member

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    So I'm sure at least some of you remember the thread from long ago, "Do you have that special someone?" And I'm sure some of you remember that I did, and that I made a continuation of that thread a ways back. Well, more has developed since then...

    The girl that I have been crazy about for almost three years now (she has had a bf for this whole time), has told me that they are in an open relationship now and that they can date other people. Apparently she is trying to figure out if he really is "the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with." She told me this just out of the blue the other day.

    Here is where my dillemma comes in. Over the last month or so, she has become very physical with me, more so than ever before. I've never had so much as a hug from her before, but now, I know this sounds juvenile, she has been making an effort to make physical contact with me, and has even sat on my lap during class (we have bowling together). Also, she would never tell her parents that she was hanging out with me (while on the phone with them), but now she has been making an effort to tell them that I make dinner for her, go wash her car with her, etc. She also told me that her Mom wanted her to say hi to me when they were on the phone, which has never happened before either.

    So here is my problem... I have been told my a couple of close friends that she is just fucking with me, and that she just wants the attention. I believed that until she told me that she could date other people. So I really don't know what to think of the whole situation.

    Is she fucking with me? Should I forget about her? Or do I have a chance now? Should I make a move?

    Any help is greatly appreciated
     
  2. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Friend Zone.

    http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

    Read it. Know it.

    If you want to know where you stand with her, for SURE, then try this:

    1) Kiss her.

    You won't do that, will you?

    2) Anal Stroking. NO! I mean... ask her. "So, you're dating other people yeah? Ever thought about a date with a happenin' sexy fool like myself?'
     
  3. Ruination

    Ruination New Member

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    I know all about the friend zone, believe me. This seemed different I guess. I don't know if I could kiss her, as much as I've always wanted to....

    :wtc:
     
  4. johan

    johan Active Member

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    What's wrong with making a move on her? Other than some part of you KNOWING that you're in the friendzone, and therefore you stop yourself from moving forward...

    Now understand, there's a right way and a wrong way to make a move. I'm not advocating just blindly turning around and planting one on her.

    But...make that move.

    And ps. if she's into you, then making the move "too soon" is almost meaningless.
    If she's into you, she'll squeal with delight. Know that and live free.
     
  5. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    You are in the friendzone. I could sit here and tell you that maybe this situation is the exception to the rule, but every guy like you in this situation likes to think of themselves as the exception and they hold on to that hope and continue to waste their time.

    You have made the same mistake from the very beginning that guys tend to make, and that is not asking the girl out the moment you started realizing that you were attracted to her. I don't care if she had a boyfriend or whatever excuse you have for not making the move at that time. If she had a boyfriend then you shouldn't have kept talking to her in attempt to become her male girlfriend-and doing so is what sent you running headfirst into friendzone. You should have kept this non-single girl as only a aquaintance, but instead you wanted to be around her and spend time with her, and now you've created a bad situation. It's your fault.

    As far as her attitude suddenly changing, I think you are using wishful thinking. I can already tell that you aren't a take charge kind of guy and that you fear people not liking you, which makes you the doormat guy. How can I tell this? Well for one, you never asked the object of your affection out even though you really wanted to, and secondly, you even now are suspecting that maybe she likes you and yet still you do nothing. You basically want her to hand you a damn letter saying "I like you, ask me out" before you grow the balls to do what you want to do. You're not being a standup guy, you're being a doormat.

    This is why girls don't date doormat guys. They can't respect you romantically because you don't even respect yourself. Don't tell me you do because if you did, you would have too much respect for yourself to allow this situation come to this point. This girl is only your friend, and she has a boyfriend that she undoubtedly complains to you-her emotional tampon-about, because you are always there willing to be used. You don't mind letting her use you at all. Also, why would she want to date you when she can date other people and STILL get to use you as an emotional tampon, a free ride, or a shopping buddy just the same? You are too busy trying to prove to her that you are the uber nice guy perfect boyfriend to stop and think about what you want for a change. You are trying too hard to be liked and keep putting yourself aside to do so. If you weren't like this, you would never have allowed a situation like this to happen.

    Looks like what you need is a DiggityDogg Dating Lesson. This lesson may come off harsh, but I word it that way on purpose to get you guys's attention and then slap you awake. Here it is:

    Diggity's Dating Advice 101:

    This is about "Nice Guys" who try being friends with a woman they have interest in dating because they don't have enough confidence to make their move. These guys eventually end up falling harder and harder for the girl the more time they spend with them as their buddy-and after enough time passes he ends up spilling his guts to her about his crush, to which she is shocked and rejects him.

    What is up with you guys who go and be buddy buddy with a girl that you are interested in hooking up with? Don't you know that all you will ever be is her emotional tampon/shoulder to cry on? You sit there and listen to this girls problems, you listen to her complain about her "asshole" boyfriend and you give her the attention she wants, but in the end you get jack shit while she goes home and rides the "asshole's" cock and not yours. What are you doing!? You might as well learn how to shop and try on nail polish because you are her male girlfriend Becky! You aren't going to win her this way! Have some self respect and don't let yourself be used this way!

    Quit hanging out with the object of your affection! Grow a sac, get some guy friends, do guy things! Being the sensitive male girlfriend isn't going to get you that ass!
    Just look at the results dummy! If this approach was successful you wouldn't hear so many guys whining and bitching about how women only want "jerks". The only thing this will get you is stories about her boyfriend and how big his cock is!

    Yeah, yeah, she will tell you all about how perfect you are and how she doesn't understand why you are single-and she is being honest-but she doesn't want you herself and probably doesn't even understand why. She can't explain it and if she tries her answer would be that you are just friends and she sees you like a brother (or something to that effect).
    Why is that? Because you never tried to come on to her like a confident guy with a large pair would-and if you did come on to her you just never took the hint that she wasn't interested. Thats why you are still single! Girls aren't attracted to clingy wussy "nice guys"!
    This approach is horrible! If you like a girl then do something about it immediately, don't sit around being her buddy!

    Avoid the friendzone at all costs! To do that she needs to see you as a potential boyfriend and/or fuck, and she wont see you that way if you play hesitant. They say a most women decide (consciously or subconciously) within the first few minutes of meeting a guy whether or not she is interested in him. Meet a girl, keep the conversation short, and fucking close the deal! Get those digits or a date right away! If you hesistate or try to be the "nice sensitive guy" then you are holding back on what you really want and she will eventually think of a buddy, not as a guy she would be interested in dating.

    Remember, women want a guy who is a man, a guy who has plenty of confidence and self respect. He takes what he wants, refuses to be walked on (even by her-which IMO is where the "jerk" confusion comes into play), and is a stand up guy. These are the guys scoring the ass while the "nice guys" are the ones being her shoulder to cry on, showering her with attention but getting nothing in return. Grow a sac gentleman.
     
  6. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Oh, and a point I want to make before getting ambushed. When I use the following terms, I mean this definition provided:

    "Nice Guy"-doormat male girlfriend, tries too hard to prove that he is the dream guy girls say they want and always put others ahead of themselves.

    "Jerk"-means simply the guy that gets the girl, and nice guys think that he is a jerk because he no doubt hears about this guy when the object of his affection coms crying to him when she doesn't get whatever reaction or attention she wants from the boyfriend. Doesn't necessarily mean he really is a jerk, but the nice guy thinks he is.

    "Gentleman"-the "true nice guy" who treats women with respect, but also respects himself. This is the guy you want to be.

    "Asshole"-The "true jerk", not just the one that girls complain about, but a guy that is the very soul of selfishness and rudeness. All "nice guys" think this is who the object of their affection is dating, but that might not be the truth. The turh may very well be that the jerk is really a gentleman, and he stood up for himself when the girl wronged him, and she is upset about it and goes crawling to her doormat nice guy to vent.

    Don't get too hung up on definitions, and pay more attention to the actual point at hand, which is have self respect and don't allow yourself to be used. That is the real story here, not definitions.
     
  7. jshively

    jshively OT Supporter

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    Good clarification.
     
  8. Ruination

    Ruination New Member

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    Well guys, I was crushed tonight. Everything I thought was going my way, really wasn't. My world has collapsed around me... again....
     
  9. Ruination

    Ruination New Member

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    She has broken my heart again. I don't know if I'll recover from this one...
     
  10. AshLee

    AshLee New Member

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    im sorry. what happened tonight?
     
  11. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    What did I tell you!!!!

    Man you guys really need to listen to me more. I know it sounds like a broken record on here, telling these guys all the same thing, but the fact is that if you are coming on here with problems and are asking for advice, then the chances are that deep down you already know the truth, and are hoping for different... Someone who is with a good woman isn't likely to be coming here looking for advice.

    Bussman, did you read my Dating Lesson post just above? You should. It will tell you exactly where things went wrong with this girl of yours. Also, why not post exactly how this happened, that way some of these other guys here who are in similar situations can learn and see where things wen't wrong and/or how to avoid such a situation. Do your fellow men a favor and finish the story.
     
  12. Ruination

    Ruination New Member

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    I should have listened to you guys, I just let myself be blinded. I'll finish up the story later today.
     
  13. quid

    quid I Piss Excellence OT Supporter

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  14. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Bussman,

    The MOST important thing in situations like this is to LEARN. If you cannot sit back and look at what happened, what you did wrong, how she used you, etc., then this will happen to you over and over and over again and you really will be sad for a long time.

    So lessons learned? (My best guesses):

    1. You wasted 3 years with a crush on a girl who was seeing someone else

    2. You are unclear on if a woman is using you (she's an attention whore) or is interested in you (she would kiss you) because you did not make a move.

    3. In my opinion, if you do not ask a woman out on date within 2-3 times of meeting her, you'll be friendzoned because you basically are telling her (a) you think she is ugly, stupid, or crazy (b) you are gay (c) you are taken (d) you are too stupid to recognize how cool she is (e) you are too shy or not man enough to ask her out.

    4. When a girl sits on your lap, but she is dating another guy, she's using you.

    5. She's a tease.

    You know her better than I do - analyze the situation and LEARN what to avoid. Only a child refuses to learn from his mistakes.

    Best of luck.

    Oh, DiggityDogg has some of the best damn advice I have seen, and I agree with him 110%.
     
  15. rhiannon

    rhiannon New Member

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    Diggity's expertise on this subject is right on the mark!:bigthumb:
     
  16. Ruination

    Ruination New Member

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    What really threw me off, is when she told me that her and her boyfriend were on a break and allowed to date other people. She straight up told me that. I didn't even know what to think at the time. So I went about things as usual, we spent more and more time together. Somehow I knew though, deep down, that something was still off. I asked her the other night, if they were back together, she said no. So I said that I didn't know what was going on, and she said that maybe we shouldn't hang out as much together. That's how I knew. That is all she needed to say. I couldn't believe it. After almost three years, and so many things had changed. She had used to never tell her parents that we were hanging out (which I think is fucked up, but oh well), but now she would tell her mom all the time, and suddenly her dad wanted to meet me. She would make more and more physical contact with me, which she never really did before at all. Most of this was after she told me she could date other people. What was I supposed to think? I thought I had a chance this time because of how much things had changed. I guess I was blinded again.

    Any thoughts? What did I miss?
     
  17. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    What you missed was the chance to be seen as anything more than a friend to this girl from the very beginning. Instead, you chose the "I'm going to be your buddy first since I don't have the balls to ask you out" route.

    Read this thread and you will see yourself described in it.

    http://www.sherdog.net/forums/showthread.php?t=219079&page=2&pp=40
     

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