SRS Here comes the countertransference/ Seeing a friend addicted to Weed sucks

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by polishillusion, Jul 20, 2008.

  1. polishillusion

    polishillusion New Member

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    The best friend I talked about on the main forum a lot "finally" got out of the good graces of the rest of the crew. He basically was kicked out of social events due to paranoia and arguing with everyone over weed and women.

    Now, he calls me telling me "he needs help and is stuck in the Poconos all by himself", even though other people are a mile away from him enjoying themselves and refusing to take his calls.

    I call to talk to him, and he calls me "uneducated" and then spends 10 minutes giggling while talking about weed.

    I point this out to him, and he says "I am not giggling over the weed, I am giggling at you being so uneducated by how great weed is for me". I had to tell him that I was too angry, and that I was hanging up the phone.

    I need to vent - he tells me he was on anti-depressants, but was smoking weed at the same time (which any sane person could see would effect the medicine) and now he declares that antidepressants do not work on him, and he will go back to just weed. I advise him that this is dangerous and risky, which he says "whatever" to. I know this is "typical addict behavior", but its just pissing me off. He "whatever'ed" every single logical, "normal" and IMPORTANT point I made in the argument, and even CHANGED the argument several times so that it went back to WEED = GOOD.

    Addiction sucks, and I am overwhelmed by my friend having it. At the same time, I love that I can decode this with what I am learning in Graduate School.

    I know the best advice is "Leave it be", but what else can I do to support him and to vent more?

    Thanks.
     
  2. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Welcome to sponsorship.

    Yes it's rude when someone "whatevers" logical and valid arguments and it can be frustrating when they seem to simply want to bitch instead of solving their problems.

    I used to get all pissed off when people wouldn't listen to me, no matter how logically sound my arguments were. When I was really on point and they would whatever me or change the subject or not listen to me, it used to really piss me off.

    Then I had to ask, why? Why did it piss me off so much? Well one was because I really wanted to help my friend and it was very clear to me that they were in need of my help, especially when I could see very clearly the root cause of their problems.

    My sponsor helped me a lot with this. He helped me realize that I don't get anyone sober or keep them sober...I'm just not that powerful. He also helped me realize that I'm as powerless over another person's disease as they are.

    The thing to realize is that when you're right, you don't need his validation of the rightness of your ideas....or anyone elses for that matter.

    All I can really do is offer my experience, strength and hope. If they reject it, well ok, that doesn't invalidate what I've offered it simply means that they choose to either go a different direction or believe something different than i do.

    Ok....perhaps they're going to find a way that IS different and I can learn from that also.

    You know...I may also learn that I'm wrong or that my ideas need refinement. Afterall, I'm human also and can be just as wrong as anyone else.....even when I think I'm right.

    It can also be a challenge. I find myself saying, how can I rephrase this so that I make the same point but come at it from a very different angle. This is great practice and often I find that it can make all the difference in the world.

    In AA literature they talk about viewing this other person as being sick and trying to have compassion for them while they are sick. That also helps me keep it in perspective.
     
  3. polishillusion

    polishillusion New Member

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    Thanks. I more appreciate having a place to vent more then anything else. Sometimes I just need to bitch, bitch, bitch.
     
  4. polishillusion

    polishillusion New Member

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    Jesus Christ, now people are telling me I am judging him and making him feel bad.

    Working with addicts sucks.
     
  5. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    It's funny, addicts/alcoholics rarely see how their actions affect other but they are the first to say when their feelings get hurt.....and those feelings seem to stretch out for 1000 yards in every direction. Mine did too when I was new to the program.

    I'll never forget my sponsor looking me in the eye and he said something like, "Look I'm trying to save your life, I couldn't careless if you want to cry like a little girl about this. You've been hearing what you want for far too long. It's time someone told you what you NEED to hear." I was soo pissed at him it wasn't even funny.

    He was so right tho.
     
  6. polishillusion

    polishillusion New Member

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    This is why so many people are pusses in this situation. My "friend" goes ""WAHHHHH, you are hurting me and its scary WAHHHHHH" and guess what? They all go butter his toast and put toilet seat down for him, figuratively. I had to tell someone who was saying "You are judging him, thats not what a social worker does" that "youare basically wiping his ass, and allowing him to use drugs, thats not what a friend does".

    Dealing with people who do not think addiction is a problem is a fucking pain in the ass, and I am not even talking about the addict themselves. They still think that he "can smoke weed cause it makes him feel better"even though every time he does it he goes on temper tantrums like a little baby.
     
  7. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Yep, it's challenging all right but you know, it can be rewarding especially when someone that really wants help comes into your life. Then you can really help that person, in ways that many people can't.

    Oh and it always helps remind me of what I was like when I got to AA and it reinforces the fact that I don't want to return to being that kind of person.
     
  8. No Thanks

    No Thanks New Member

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    Many strains if marijuana can help an person with depression, and they dont have the many negative side effects of pharmaceutical pills.
     
  9. No Thanks

    No Thanks New Member

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    Also, Its virtually impossible to become physically or mentally addicted to weed.
     
  10. O'Fuck

    O'Fuck Guest

    Words can't express how fucking sick I am of hearing this shit.

    For you weed is not mentally or physically addictive.

    For some, it is addictive. I don't give a fuck if its mental or spiritual or whatever the fuck-ual... some people can't just 'give it up'.

    Not to mention... how the fuck does that help anyone in recovery, to suggest using any mind altering drug?

    And yes, I am one of those people OT deems a pussy because I can't just give up weed. I haven't drank in two months, and its made it five trillion times harder to quit smoking pot. Call me weak willed if you want. You'd be a fucking idiot to do so. I gave up booze. I gave up meat for 12 years. I can give up lots of things. Weed has more of a hold on me than anything else.

    Because you aren't addicted to weed doesn't mean the same holds true for everyone. But that is just wonderful for you. Thanks for sharing. I'm sure you've helped a lot of people here in their recovery with your wisdom.
     
  11. polishillusion

    polishillusion New Member

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    THANK YOU!

    If someone has a mental illness, like it seems like my friend does, then weed is deadly.

    Guess what? I fucking hate people who can not admit that anything can be addictive.
     
  12. O'Fuck

    O'Fuck Guest

    I especially hate this fucking semantic game... its addictive... 'BUT ONLY MENTALLY, NOT PHYSICALLY!!!'

    If I'm addicted to something, why the fuck would I be concerned which type of addiction I have? I'm fucking addicted.

    I grew up a die hard pothead. I've read all the pro pot lit. I know all the taglines. "yay its not physically addictive, its not physically addictive!"
    Is it better than booze? Sure. Is it wonderful for substance abusers? Of fucking course not.

    Good for depression? Jesus fucking christ people...

    I've been self medicating for Bi Polar Disorder and PTSD all my life. And trust me, it doesn't fucking help. Help me escape for a little while? Sure. Compound my problems meanwhile? Positively.
     
  13. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Blaggard, well said. :bigthumb:
     
  14. polishillusion

    polishillusion New Member

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    I love it how my friend says "YOU ARE FUCKING WITH ME!" today, and then he says "I do not see how people are not liking me anymore, so you must be lying to them about me to make them hate me, so I am going to assume you are telling them to hate me, how dare you do that to me" and he can not see the fact that logic is out the window. Addiction and mental illness sucks.

    Then he says "Obviously, like always you say something and run away, like a pussy! You always have your cell phone off at work because you are avoiding me! You have been keeping your cell phone off except when you make calls to avoid me!"

    And now I am getting really freaked by the paranoid issues. I mean, wtf? I did not talk to him for 2 months, and he thinks I am sitting here waiting for him 24 hours a day.



    On the topic of "mentally/physically" addicted, I love how people try to bring this fucking academic debate and intellectual argument when they are desperately trying to cling onto their weed brownies and not when they are running around high off their ass thinking the government is out to get them. Clinically this is called "intellectualizing", and it is very common, but it always strikes me as funny that everyone gets their Phd and MD in weed dynamics the second you ask them if they really need it or not.
     
  15. polishillusion

    polishillusion New Member

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    Except for when you do get addicted. Then your fucked, right?
     
  16. keysmachine

    keysmachine New Member

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    Weed is chemically impossible to get addicted to, however addiction comes in two forms mental and physical.

    so is it possible to get addicted to weed, yes MENTALLY

    stopping weed after 20 years of smoking the stuff will do you no harm, but you'll crave it mentally because of the euphoric feelings it gave you. Weed stimulates certain sensors in your brain to make you feel great, relaxed etc..

    this can be addicting. But its easy to break.
     
  17. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    adios
     
  18. O'Fuck

    O'Fuck Guest


    I've got a pretty cool story.

    I haven't drank alcohol in 8 weeks and I haven't really had any cravings at all. In fact you could almost say its been easy.

    Therefore I hereby proclaim that ALCOHOL IS AN EASY HABIT TO BREAK!!

    You hear that guys? Fuck all this recovery shit! Alcohol was easy for me to give up, so its easy for you to give up too! Thank god all of our brains and chemical balances are identical, whew!

    YAY! :bigthumb:
     
  19. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    You should celebrate your 8 weeks with a beer. :ugh:
















    no.....not really
     
  20. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    I can say without a doubt marijuana has contributed to my depression

    You couldn't be any farther from the truth.
     
  21. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    You don't just crave it, there's actual symptoms sometimes. Appetite loss, nausea, insomnia, lack of sex drive, etc.
     
  22. O'Fuck

    O'Fuck Guest

    Wait, wait... so lethargy, lack of motivation, and gorging myself half to death on cookies HASN'T been helping me lift my spirits? :eek3:
     
  23. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    i still try it sometimes :hsd:
     

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