A while back, sometime in May 06' I started hanging out with a girl, Katie. We have known each other for a long time but we just started hanging out at that time. I liked her a short time after that and she liked me. However, she had a best friend named Alyssa. After hanging out with the two for a month or so, I decided to ask Alyssa out. She said yes. For the next month, we had the best relationship, until we broke up after I had lied to her about smoking. Anyways, after we broke up, we became the BEST of friends. I mean, there is no possible way for us to be better friends. She finished my sentences, I ran up a $400 -some dollar phone bill talking to her, and we hung out all the time. I, still had feelings for her, and likewise. When we would walk alone, we would lay under the stars and kiss and the whole deal. Then, in September, when school started back up, we hung out a LOT less. I saw her maybe twice since September, out of school that is. But, I continued to talk to her for 3-4 hours a day. Now, Alyssa went out with this kid Aaron shortly after we had broken up. I am totally opposite of him. She for some reason saw something in him. But, to tell you the truth, I felt bad for him. I was mad at myself. I had told Alyssa to sneak out one night and meet me in "our spot." We held hands and talked and layed together and kissed. She never talked about him at all. They broke up after about a month. At the beginning of the new year, she tells me that she is in love with him, and she has no idea why. I believe her, if she did know, she would tell me. I don't think there is one thing we have ever kept from each other. She started talking about him all the time. Even though Aaron had a girlfriend, she tried to talk to him. He treated her like dirt, and still does to this day. According to her, she is over him now, go figure. Now, I am confused on some things. I'll break it down, and hopefully my questions will be answered. One night, we got on the topic of sex, and we always joke around with eachother about everything. She said something along the lines of "Ahh....it's so hot right now" and I replied with "your mother is hot." to joke around. She then said something like "F- you" and I, of course, replied with "you wish!" Now I never expected what was coming next. She told me she did and we some how got on topic of how she wanted to have sex with me, but is too self concious. I can usually tell by her voice if she is being serious or not, and she asked me to get her information about it, and how to be safe. I was totally shocked by this. I had no idea. For the next month or so, she would tell me how much she wanted to come see me and go to "our spot" and such. But, at the end of February, it got different. She told me she was "kidding" about all of it and played it off as a joke. She told me she did "like me" though. Here is where it gets a little beyond my reach, and I need some help from you guys. Alyssa is always talking about other guys, but claims she doesn't like them. She gets mad at me if I have to get a shower or whatever, but gets mad it me if I refuse to let her off the phone when she has to do something. She has me wipped. If I don't do something, she gets mad at me. She makes fun of me constantly. I get jealous. REAL jealous. I honestly think I am in love with her, but am not sure. In almost everything I do, I relate to something that happened with us in my mind, and think about her constantly. I dream about her and everything. She has been the best thing that has ever happened in my life. I had the opportunity of getting back together with her, but I am scared. Scared to lose our friendship. Scared to get made fun of. Scared to make the commitment. Scared she will say "no." I know it shouldn't matter, but for some reason it does to me. The time has come for me to make the HARDEST decision of my life. Should I let her go? I fear being lonely. I fear never sharing those best times we shared ever again. I fear boredom, not talking to her 4 hours a day. I fear she will move on, but I will not. I fear I wont love anyone again. (Teenage years stink!) I honestly do love her. She listens. Knows all about me. Is fun. Has been a true inspiration. However, Leads me on. Puts me down. Acts weird. (See Below) Has complete control. She knows, I am the only person that will listen to her, and help her with her problems. She talks to me more than anyone else daily. We have the longest and most memorable friendship. However, I fear she takes it for granted. I am not on her top friends on myspace. She tells me she likes me, and then hangs out with everyone BUT me. When we get in a fight, and she tells me she doesn't ever want to talk to me again, I try and try to get her forgiveness. When I tell her the same thing, she doesn't seem to care. As you can see, I am really confused. Point me in the right direction.