Her dad would probably say no

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Emfuser, Nov 9, 2009.

  1. Emfuser

    Emfuser Nuclear Moderator Super Moderator

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    It dawned upon me today that, when the time comes to marry the current girlfriend, that her father would likely deny any request for permission/blessing of the marriage.

    (Before you ask, it is my gf who is insistent that I ask. Yes, I know full well that it is entirely her decision, not his. However, not asking is NOT an option, so forget it. :hs:)

    I'm not religious. She's not religious, and probably due in large part to me. We were both baptized catholic as infants. We have lived together for years. Her dad, on the other hand, is super-uber-mega-catholic. When he and the gf's sister came down for Thanksgiving last year, we're told that he prayed the rosary the ENTIRE DRIVE (11 hours) both fucking ways. There's a pretty strong chance that he'll be insistent upon us having a catholic wedding ceremony in a catholic church and that's something that neither of us want at all. When I inform him that we'd rather be married in a secular location of our choosing, ministered by a friend of ours, I expect that he'll say no.

    This fucking sucks. That will easily be the most awkward situation in my entire life. This is mostly for venting, because it really frustrates me. :hs:
     
  2. Emfuser

    Emfuser Nuclear Moderator Super Moderator

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    Towards me personally? None that I know of. We get along ok since we at least have the commonality of being engineers. Beyond that I am pretty cordial with him. He's very conservative and quiet, only really involving himself with the church, friends from church, and some family. I have to mind myself pretty closely around him, since I'm far more open, have a dirty sense of humor, and like to argue with people.

    However I sincerely believe that his religious convictions will override everything else (like rational thought :hsugh:) and drive him to say no. Never minding that such a situation would be ridiculously uncomfortable, and that it would not really change any intention I had of asking, I do realize that such a rejection would simultaneously enrage and crush my gf. :hs:
     
  3. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    Did you not read at all what he posted? It doesn't sound like her dad hates him, its that he wants to have a religious wedding, where they do not. And because of that fact, he doesn't want them to get married at all.


    It's very sad to see that religion means that much to people that they could care less about the happiness of their family. What does your gf say about this?
     
  4. Emfuser

    Emfuser Nuclear Moderator Super Moderator

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    I've brought it up sort of casually, but never really conveyed what I've posted here.

    No, it's not time for me to ask just yet. Understand that what I'm writing is SPECULATION.
     
  5. Kinks

    Kinks Sup. OT Supporter

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    57,000 posts? I'd say no, too :fawk:

    ask for his blessing, not permission.
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    This was pretty much my biggest fear, that my fiancé's parents would demand a full-on Jewish wedding, even though we both didn't want it. However, my fiancé one day actually sat his parents down and said it wasn't going to happen, that we both didn't want it (but him especially) and after a loooong talk with them about beliefs :mb: they said whatever. Tension is still there, but we don't care any longer. You don't think your gf would just tell him no? Yes, it would be incredibly hard, but if she doesn't want a major Catholic wedding she can do something about it.

    No matter how religious this guy is he already knows you two have been living in sin for years! Also, would you be expecting her dad to pay for the wedding? If so, this is unforunately a whole different story...
     
  7. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Its ok, marriage is over rated :big grin: ;)
     
  8. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

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    You know the wedding is never about you, right? Even if you don't get married in a church everyone and their dog will still be telling you how to do it.
     
  9. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    I don't know why, but as modern as I am, I still think it is appropriate to ask a father first. Anyway I see it more as a show of respect than an actual request. Who gives a fuck if he says no. :rofl:

    This is why I like the idea of eloping on some tropical beach.
     
  10. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I never thought my fiance would ask my father for permission. Then he proposed and told me how the day before he'd gone to my parent's house while I was at work and sat down with them both and asked. My dad always liked my SO, but after he took the balls to ask him he seriously LOVES my fiance now. He gained a ton of respect for him, because my dad is a scary dude.

    :werd: I've been dreaming of eloping since before I got engaged....but of course family wont let that happen. Then they all feed me that horseshit of "it's your day!"
     
  11. Emfuser

    Emfuser Nuclear Moderator Super Moderator

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    Have you ever dealt with hardcore religious people before? Her dad doesn't listen to much reason if there's something his religion says about the topic at hand. It's unfortunate, but it's what I have to deal with.

    No, we would pay for things ourselves.
     
  12. Emfuser

    Emfuser Nuclear Moderator Super Moderator

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    We don't give a fuck what other people think. I think her dad is the only exception.
     
  13. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    It never really occurred to me when I was younger, but when I heard about my (step) brother-in-law asking my step-dad for his permission, I was immediately impressed with the idea. If I had married my ex, I would have asked her dad and I hate that fucker. :rofl:
    Yeah, I just need to find a woman who feels the same way I do about weddings and I'll be golden. I couldn't care less about my family on that day. They can take their wants and suck on 'em. I don't care who it pisses off so long as it's what me and my future wife want.
     
  14. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    Just be mature and calm about it. Ask him for his blessing, if he says no then be clear (but respectful) that it will not change your plans going forward, thank him for his time, and then leave.
     
  15. Emfuser

    Emfuser Nuclear Moderator Super Moderator

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    Funny you guys mention eloping. My gf's parents actually eloped when they were young. :hsugh:

    I figure that they really wanted to fuck and just couldn't wait any longer. They did a catholic ceremony later on.

    Had the SO's mom not passed away 7 years ago, this wouldn't be an issue. Her dad and I got along much more openly and he was less religious when her mom was still alive.
     
  16. Emfuser

    Emfuser Nuclear Moderator Super Moderator

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    That's pretty much how I see it going when the time comes. :hs:

    Bed time for this night worker.
     
  17. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Yes, I have :mamoru: so I feel your pain

    If you guys are paying for it yourselves then this worry is completely null and void. Ask the guy his permission. In the off chance he tells you no you say you're sorry to hear that but you two will still be getting married and paying for it yourself.

    TA DA! You can have whatever wedding you want.
     
  18. oakback

    oakback New Member

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    If they're footing the bill, they have a say. If you're going it yourselves, do whatever you want. If they can't get over it, that's their problem (assuming you're not living next door to them or seeing them daily).
     
  19. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Now I am kinda wishing I had asked...
     
  20. PlutoBHG

    PlutoBHG New Member

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    Doesnt matter if he says no, as long as you are man enough to ask.
     
  21. Alaya

    Alaya Active Member

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    Haven't you guys been together for years?

    I'm inclined to think he'd say yes, even if begrudgingly :hs: And that's coming from a super religious background/with super religious parents myself.

    As far as teh mega-Catholic wedding goes, and all the rest, I think yes... he may be incredibly disappointed with a lot of things, but after all this time do you really think he'd flat out say "no" ?? :hsd:
     
  22. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    :werd:
     
  23. Arkaybee

    Arkaybee New Member

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    This is the place

    This is what it is all about.

    I was lucky though; I got off pretty easy. My exwife's dad came up to ME and said "I like you, I want you to marry my daughter." This was about 6 weeks before I had even thought about proposing :mamoru:
     
  24. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    :rofl:
     
  25. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

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    :bigthumb::rofl:
     

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