SRS Helping others cope with loss of parent.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Pen Is Mightier, Dec 7, 2008.

  1. My boyfriends father passed away a little more than a month ago and I'm just looking for some help on how I can do my best to help him with the loss and the healing process.

    About 2-3 weeks after his father passed away he was acting normal, at least around me, and I thought his recovery was doing well. The past few days though he's been pretty depressed and not his usual self. Normally he's full of energy and very happy... Past few nights he's been going to bed early and waking up late, only to be "tired" during the day and take naps during the day on the couch. I try to be there for him, let him snuggle up with me, cry on my shoulder if he has to...I dunno how I should be acting though.

    When he goes to bed early should I let him be alone and me stay out here until I want to go to bed or should I hop into bed after...:dunno:

    I try to be nice as possible, let him choose where to eat and just simple things like that, but it hurts me to see him so sad and I want to help him. I know being alone is part of the grieving process and everyone needs "alone time", but is too much alone time bad?
     
  2. T.I.

    T.I. New Member

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    When my Aunt (who lived in the room next to me) passed away I was forced into a grieving counseling program. It helped.
     
  3. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    nothing.

    just be there and listen when he wants to talk. he's got to do what he needs to do....you're just along for the ride.
     
  4. Naturally Baked

    Naturally Baked Active Member

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  5. Ricky

    Ricky █▄ █▄█ █▄ ▀█▄

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    There is nothign else you can do.

    Be yourself and be there for him. I know when i lost people very close to me, i hated when others would act like they know how i feel or how much it hurts.

    You will never be in his shoes, so you will never no how he feels. I personally wouldn't try to relate directly to his situation, but rather let him know that you're there for him.
     
  6. Ape Gone Insane

    Ape Gone Insane New Member

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    Carry on the way your acting now. He will appreciate it even though he doesn't say it.
     
  7. Heh well the consensus seems like I should just keep doing what I'm doing and let time do its work. :( I was looking for something I COULD do but I guess there is actually nothing I can do to "make it all better". I'll keep doing my best.

    Should I let him sleep all day and just kind of loathe in his sadness or should I see if he wants to get up and cook breakfast or something? He went to bed at 10:30 last night, I came in around midnight and we were up for a while talking and he's still in bed at 12:20PM...I don't think it's healthy. :(
     
  8. Deadhead9150

    Deadhead9150 Banned

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    . Just make sure you're there if they need you but never EVER try and say that you know how they feel, what it feels like, etc it will just piss them off. I remember when my father died when I was younger and people would constantly come up to be and be like, "oh man, I totally know how you feel, my grandma who I met like 5 times died and it was horrible." and I would just be like:ugh2::ugh2::ugh2: and it made me very angry and feel like shit. Although if they get stuck you should probably advise him on getting some professional counseling. No one really gave enough about me to suggest that I got counseling after he died and its fucked me up pretty badly in some aspects and its taken years of hard work for me to try and fix the damage on my own.

    Also, never make an offer you won't be willing to keep. If you are offering to be there for someone, make sure that you are. I can't tell you how much it hurts after something like that happens to have someone offer you help and then when you try to take them up on it they didn't mean it when they offered.
     
  9. CabbieNamedAxel

    CabbieNamedAxel OTCC|SF OT Supporter

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    Imo, I say treat him normally. Acting overly nice makes it seem like things aren't wrong. I would act like I always would, so he knows things can be normal again and it's not the end of the world. Get him out of the house, it could be a toxic environment. It's been a month and he's still lethargic? Get him away from everything with a nice distraction, it should help.
     
  10. RyRy

    RyRy Active Member

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    :werd: It's been almost 3 years since my mother died and I still have my days where I just lock myself in the bedroom, stay there and stay fuck the world I'm going to be emo today. I've tried to get help a couple of times but was just left more confused, in the latest round 50lbs heavier due to meds, and about 1k in debt that's going to take a year off since insurance didn't cover teh visits after saying they would. But so is life... :hs:
     
  11. marvd00d

    marvd00d Gonzalez>Swine Flu

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    When my father died it would annoy me when people would try to tell me how I felt. No one knows, everyone takes it differently.

    Just be there for him, sometimes you don't need to say anything all, as long as you are there.

    mourning takes time, let him have it
     
  12. Yeah I'm always careful to watch what I say. I've never and would never say "I know how you feel."

    I've lost friends before and that was very painful but never a parent...I can't even imagine how that would feel. They were very close too which I'm sure makes it that much worse.

    I guess I'll just keep doing what I'm doing...be there for him. A person to lean on, shoulder to cry on...I try to keep that atmosphere as "happy" as possible though so he doesnt feel depressed all the time. Typically, even after his father passed he is really happy/energetic, just recently he's been feeling more down than usual. :(
     
  13. Two toys

    Two toys New Member

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    my "depression" comes in waves.. some days it wont bother me at all, its off my mind completely.. it helps when i stay busy and get out and do stuff, but other days i just want to lay in bed, and not really do anything, just think about him.

    expect it to come and go for a while.
     
  14. Deadhead9150

    Deadhead9150 Banned

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    The holidays are particularly rough so that could probably be the reason. I remember my first christmas without my father, it was really rough.
     

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