SRS helping a friend who's a cutter find a coping mechanism

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by emokid, Nov 28, 2006.

  1. emokid

    emokid New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2006
    Messages:
    266
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    brisbane, aus
    i have a friend and she's a cutter and i really want to help her out of this. she wants to stop cutting and she's been lessening it but i fear this has been leaving her high and dry for a coping mechanism, making everything pile up on her. a couple of weeks ago this happened and she became suicidal. luckily she's still okay and seemed to feel better after cutting, but now i'm scared the same thing's going to happen again.

    she wants to stop cutting and find a new coping mechanism and i was just wondering if anybody had any suggestions or advice. i've tried getting her to talk to me when stuff is bothering her, but she doesn't really thinks this helps. this is also the case with songwriting/poetry. i asked her if she thought painting would work which she said it might and she was actually pretty keen on the idea except for the fact apparently it'd cost a lot of money to get all the stuff she needed which shot down the idea in her eyes (i'm still working on getting her to explore it with maybe cheaper/minimal equipment at first or something). she also used to play netball really competitively but when i suggested taking that up again she said she couldn't because she's been out of it too long and wouldn't want to play in a lower division.

    any ideas for other suggestions i could try? thanks
     
  2. Create

    Create :free at last:

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2006
    Messages:
    8,043
    Likes Received:
    2
    Cutters cut to distract themselves from the mental the pain caused by something else. It's like biting the ear of a virgin when you deflower her (gah, bad analogy but it's what came to mind).

    While what you've suggested are good things for a person to do, it's all distractionary and does not fulfill her pain replacement method.

    The best way to stop the behavior is to address the root cause of the mental pain. She needs to seek professional help. If money is an issue, there are charitible counseling options. These counselors, depending on age and location, should hold the client's confindentiality.

    The best thing you can do is to encourage her to seek out this help. I'm sure we can track down a charitible organization and find out the confidentiality law for minors. (EDIT: Aussie. I don't have information for Australia. Someone please help!)

    Once she's involved in counseling, don't call and ask "How are you doing?". Call and ask her to do things with you. She'll open up to you when she's ready. Don't push it.
     
  3. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    I just read the topic title.

    It's not your place to come up with coping mechanisms for your friend. The absolute BEST thing you can do is to get your friend to seek professional help.
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Going along with the professional help , imagine you are locked in a prison what helps more, cutting or a key to get out? Cutting is an investment of energy that should be redirected into finding the key to get out. In other words, solving the root of her problems is the right key to deal with her problems, you see a problem remains to be a problem to the end of time until you solve it, then the door opens and she is free to go, but they are like puzzles and if you look in the wrong place(cutting) then no solution can be found. You should tell her this and encourage her to seek professional help.
     
  5. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    do you ever say anything without all the flowery language and metaphors? Just curious.
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    I'll say whatever is neccesary to help people on the right track.
     
  7. Create

    Create :free at last:

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2006
    Messages:
    8,043
    Likes Received:
    2
    Rather than using the dry style I so often use, D uses an analogy which can actually be visualized. Some people react better to it. Most will recall the content better.

    Heh, I knocked him for it months ago, before I saw the value.
     
  8. emokid

    emokid New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2006
    Messages:
    266
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    brisbane, aus
    she has said something about wanting to go to some form of counselling but i'm scared she'll go somewhere crap where they don't really understand cutters and just try and instutionalise her. her parents have considered sending her away in the past but i was doing some reading about cutting on the net and apparently that's one of the worst things you can do for a cutter? i don't suppose anybody knows any good counsellors in brisbane who'd actually know how to deal with something like this?

    by the way, the root cause of her mental pain right now is that her parents are in the middle of a divorce and they are having financial problems now with her and her mum finding a new place. Her mum is like a workaholic and been stressing out a lot about finding a new place, the divorce etc and has been taking out a lot of that stress on my friend. my friend's told her mum about how she's been letting her stress out on my friend and apparently things have gotten a bit better there, but i don't know how long that'll last.
     
  9. johan

    johan Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2003
    Messages:
    5,123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    This is the only thing you can do. Anything else is a waste of your time and especially hers.
     
  10. johan

    johan Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2003
    Messages:
    5,123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    Why don't you let the mental health professionals decide what to do. Your fears are unrealistic and no one is going to institutionalise her unless her life is in immediate danger.

    If you really want to help your friend, be very supportive and help her get treatment.

    If you can't figure out where to go, call a local hospital and ask to talk to the psychiatric intake worker. Explain your friend's situation. You can pick up the phone and dial, right?

    So what if her parents also had an unrealistic plan. That's why you call professionals and let them evaluate her, and plan treatment accordingly.
     
  11. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    And to add on to this....if it turns out that a certain place or person doesn't work out, then it's Ok to try another. The cautionary note to this is that you will have to be sure that you and your friend are allowing enough time to see if the person/place is working out.

    This is not going to be an easy, quick solution.
     
  12. zooenthusiast

    zooenthusiast New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2006
    Messages:
    74
    Likes Received:
    0
    just a suggestion, what helps when i'm depressed is human contact. it does release oxytocin when you cuddle with someone, so maybe when you talk to her try and hold her hand and hug her. but if she really doesn't want to be touched then obviously don't, but it might help when she's getting her feelings out.
     
  13. Corky

    Corky I lent Jesus $20

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2003
    Messages:
    9,333
    Likes Received:
    0
    I used to date a cutter, and really the best thing to make them stop is to act like it's perfectly normal. Now whenever randy gets a knife out, I get one out too. Before she's done yelling "what are you doing", she gets whats going on and puts the knife down.
     
  14. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2002
    Messages:
    5,188
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Great White North
    That depends on why the person is doing it. It seems to me like your girlfriend did it for the attention and not to use it as a coping mecanism.
     
  15. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
    Messages:
    110,606
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland
    I was once a cutter and I must say that something drastic has to happen to that person in order for them to stop. I'm not saying don't seek professional help for your friend (i think you should to save her life). but on the other hand, i think someone experiencing something themselves and getting themselves help will make them better off.

    if you can find a self-mutilation group/therapy (those who were cutters) and have her speak with them or speak to a family who lost someone to cutting ,etc. i think she'll get the picture and she'll want to stop
     

Share This Page