SRS help would be nice

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by silverspade14, Jun 30, 2009.

  1. silverspade14

    silverspade14 New Member

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    I am not very composed atm so excuse me if some of this doesnt make sense.

    I am 18. I've been shy my whole life. I have never had a girlfriend, never had sex, and for the most never even had a friend that was a girl.

    I don't feel close to even my "closest" friends, some of whom recently stopped talking to me for reasons that I have no clue about.

    I basically have 0 self esteem. No self confidence. This is probably why girls stay away from me, I mean, if I can barely stand the thought of my existence, why should they?

    I've recently been unable to control the thoughts of killing myself that come into my head. It used to be that I would just entertain ideas of suicide but that was all on my own doing. Last night I sat in bed trying to sleep and to shut up my mind, but all I could think about was how alone I am and how the rest of my life is basically one big meaningless struggle that I should prematurely end to save myself the suffering.

    Finally today I got home from class. I walked into the kitchen and tried to get a glass of milk but for some reason I just broke down crying. The last time I had cried was back in December or November and that was just a few tears shed because I was dissapointed in myself. I have basically been crying for the past 45 minutes until now. I talked to my dad and he said that I needed to talk to a psychiatrist and that they would be able to make it all better.

    I'm just so afraid that they wont be able to fix me.
     
  2. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    A psychiatrist would provide help.

    Dont give up on yourself. There is always that adage, "once you've hit bottom, the only place to go is up." Life is always a struggle for everyone. Dont deny yourself all the pleasures life has to offer because things seem difficult now. Keep trying, dont give up.
     
  3. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

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    Seeing osm eone would definitely help but at the same time you have to be ready to get better. People often get in the way of their own success and you have to be determined to not let that happen. Sometimes life happens so it's okay if you're overwhelmed, just try to find the people that will be able to help you.
     
  4. silverspade14

    silverspade14 New Member

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    Thank you both for your replies. I understand that I won't ever feel better if I don't try. I'm going to psychologist and then I'm going to have him recommend me a psychiatrist.

    Have any of you had experience with having uncontrollable thoughts? I don't actually want to die but I don't want to live if I can't control whats going on in my own mind.
     
  5. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

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    Hm, I won't say I have had uncontrollable negative thoughts but I have had negative thoughts that were difficult to escape. Do you have much going no in your life? Not having alot to do definitely makes it harder to deal with what ever is eating at you.
     
  6. silverspade14

    silverspade14 New Member

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    Negative thoughts that are difficult to escape is probably a better way to put it.

    I don't really have much to do, 3 hour class on mondays and wednesdays and another that is online and other than that I have nothing.
     
  7. Crawling Dead

    Crawling Dead Gz-TeRRoR

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    :hug:

    You still have pirate_static

    YOU ALL STILL HAVE PIRATE_STATIC!
     
  8. Clancer

    Clancer New Member

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    There are a lot of us just like you in here, so dont feel like youre alone. Youre still young, dont feel like your life is over or things wont change. There is nothing to really "fix". You are you, you arent anyone else, and dont need to be just like everyone else since we all see the world differently. Dont dwell on the facts that you havent done this or that yet when many others have. Its about seeing life differently and you looking deep down inside of yourself to figuring out who you really are and what you want in life.

    You should find things that you really love. I mean things that you love more than you want to breathe. Things that will take your mind off of what you cant do, and what you can. Dont be so hard on yourself, if you want to live life differently, do it. All of your negative thoughts about yourself are made up by you. I can guarantee others arent as critical of yourself as you are.
     
  9. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    If you don't want to be alone you have to step towards the people.

    Life is pretty much about overcoming your own weaknesses, but you are not alone in it, we are here for you and its indeed recommended that you get psychiatric help, but please remember that you have you fate into your own hands, in the end you need to help yourself so to speak because no one can live your life for you, you have to understand that life is serious and that you have to take matters ,things and responsibility in your own hands seriously.
     
  10. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    Going and seeing someone can't hurt. Good luck and I remember feeling hopeless and alone. You have your whole life ahead of you and it can change for the better so quickly :)
     
  11. saosko

    saosko OT Supporter

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    You have the world at your feet, the only way to change anything is if you make it a point to do so. All throughout highschool I was like you, until I saw what I needed to change and did so. Don't be scared to try new things, the shyness will go away in time after you start feeling comfortable, do you work out? great self esteem / confidence booster.
     
  12. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    Have you had any childhood trauma in your life?

    I ask, because your crying and thoughts seem to be similar to me. I have post traumatic stress from childhood.

    I have spontaneous crying fits where I'm not really that upset, but something embarassing happens or I think about something that upsets me a little and then I'm crying for hours nonstop and I can't stop. I still haven't figured out how to stop the crying, aside from going to take a walk alone or forcing myself to sleep.

    I used to have uncontrollable thoughts of suicide. Uncontrollable in the way that I would constantly find my mind drifting to and obsessing over ways to die that would be quick and painless. However, deep down inside I had no intentions of dying at all. I am now on anxiety/depression medication and the thoughts have completely stopped 100%.

    As for the crying, the only thing that ever actually worked, was seeing a councellor. All we did was sit there and talk about my childhood, starting from the very beginning. I did this for about 4 months. After that I didn't have any spontaneous crying episodes for 3 years. Then they came back with no provocation that I could recall. Now I have a hard time fitting in a councelor into my schedule, otherwise I'd go back.

    If a councellor is cheaper for you than a psychiatrist or psychologist, I would try that first and see if it works out for you.
     
  13. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    Try picking up some activity to fill in the time and just be out of the house. Being in the house will make you feel more down than when you are out. This could be taking a bike ride on some trails, or even just driving around. If you have a dog, you could take it for a long walk.
     
  14. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    Forget about the past. It is about waking up today with the right attitude and the only way that is done is by you choosing to say that today is the best day EVER!!. FUCK THE PAST. I had a past, but I dont really remember it that well because there is no way to change what happened.


    For me crying like that did a lot of good. I usually put on a movie that can get me a gallon of tears in one sitting. Something like A beautiful mind, or I am Sam. Just find something that will make you cry a river-and you will be glad you did afterward.


    The way I see things, some people are seriously messed up. Like they have a real chemical imbalance, or lack or neurotransmitters or whatever-and these people need to see a psychiatrist. If you are just having trouble falling asleep because your mind is going 200 mph, then that imo does not warrant a visit. But I myself have never been to a shrink so maybe I could have saved myself a bunch of trouble by going to one. All I am saying is, you can get better on your own if you want to. Set your mind to something, and it will be done. The hard part is just choosing to actually do something about it-instead of just thinking of what could be a possible solution.
     
  15. SPACECATAZ

    SPACECATAZ New Member

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    Dude, honestly....I use to be like you (in high school and first year of college). I didn't have any real friends. Everyone was so fake. They either used me or were my friend until they got what they needed. They also only ever talked to me when they needed something, that's the worse way to treat a so called friend. Nothing changed until I transferred colleges. It was like a continue in a game or something. I made new real friends, I got LAID for the first time, I got drunk, I partied, and I got good grades. What brought about this change? I looked at myself and I realized things weren't going to change unless I made the changes myself. We only get one life and such, so I thought, "there's no better time like the present!". Hey, I'm even guilty of shedding a few tears here and there along the road as well. Don't give up man and every time someone tells you that you can't do better in your life. Prove them the fuck wrong!
     
  16. Deadhead9150

    Deadhead9150 Banned

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    Sounds like me.:hs:
     
  17. OniMinion

    OniMinion ...recalls when this forum was actually about cars OT Supporter

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    At first I thought you started this thread as well...
     
  18. silverspade14

    silverspade14 New Member

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    I don't think I had any childhood trauma, I had a pretty good childhood despite feeling isolated from time to time because of my race / religion.

    Thanks everyone who has replied, I feel a little better today. I had a talk with a friend from college last night and it made me feel less alone. I still had trouble sleeping last night but I wasn't thinking about suicide or anything. I'm just going to try and take this one day at a time, keep going to my psychologist and tell him about my depression and see where I can go from here. It's nice to know that some of you were in my shoes at a point and you were able to pick yourself back up.
     
  19. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    I've experienced all the same things you have talked about. You're on the right track. Crippling depression hurts like hell. Hopefully the doctor and therapist can help you feel better as well as discover the underlying cause. Recovery takes time but you're doing the right things, and the advice you'll get here will help.
     
  20. silverspade14

    silverspade14 New Member

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    Is it normal to not feel very good? I feel hunger and stuff but when I try to eat its like my body doesnt want the food. I put down some chicken and rice a bit ago and then I almost threw it up.
     
  21. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    How long has this been going on? If it's been happening for awhile it would be a good idea to talk to a doctor.
     
  22. silverspade14

    silverspade14 New Member

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    Well it seems like I've been slowly not caring about what I eat, sometimes I will only have 1 meal a day but I never felt like throwing it up before, this started a bit before I randomly started crying.
     
  23. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Something I'd tell the doctor when you see them.
     
  24. silverspade14

    silverspade14 New Member

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    Well last night was another sleepless night. At about 12 I got out of bed and my mom wanted me to go eat but all I wanted to do was sleep. We went out to eat and I barely ate anything because my stomach feels like shit. I got a text from a girl from college and that made me feel a little better for a little bit but now I feel bad again. I have an exam later tonight and a mountain of homework due tomorrow but I just dont think I can do it. I just want to go to sleep.
     
  25. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    PM me. I want to cover some bases with you (i.e. personal questions)
     

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