I am not very composed atm so excuse me if some of this doesnt make sense. I am 18. I've been shy my whole life. I have never had a girlfriend, never had sex, and for the most never even had a friend that was a girl. I don't feel close to even my "closest" friends, some of whom recently stopped talking to me for reasons that I have no clue about. I basically have 0 self esteem. No self confidence. This is probably why girls stay away from me, I mean, if I can barely stand the thought of my existence, why should they? I've recently been unable to control the thoughts of killing myself that come into my head. It used to be that I would just entertain ideas of suicide but that was all on my own doing. Last night I sat in bed trying to sleep and to shut up my mind, but all I could think about was how alone I am and how the rest of my life is basically one big meaningless struggle that I should prematurely end to save myself the suffering. Finally today I got home from class. I walked into the kitchen and tried to get a glass of milk but for some reason I just broke down crying. The last time I had cried was back in December or November and that was just a few tears shed because I was dissapointed in myself. I have basically been crying for the past 45 minutes until now. I talked to my dad and he said that I needed to talk to a psychiatrist and that they would be able to make it all better. I'm just so afraid that they wont be able to fix me.