SRS help with helping

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Pringles, Mar 23, 2006.

  1. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    My ex, whose is a very good friend of mine now and I care very much about has one problem after my two years of knowing her. She seems very unable to accept what she has and be happy with it. She seems to think that every night that she can just sleep and wake up the next day and it will be fine. Which works for the temporary, but in the long run I fear that it will catch up to her and she will live a sad life and think that sleeping will fix it, when she needs to stand up and face her problems. I'm almost scared because she confides soley in me. I'm pretty sure there are no other people in her life that she confides in and it scares me to think I have so much power and influence on her. Anyway her mother recently threatened to put their dog to sleep, when in fact they encourage it's playful biting. Anyway her mom is an alcholic and the dog bit her playfully and she told her daughter she was going to put it to sleep. BTW this is a deaf dog that is rather childish and funny to see. My ex also picked this dog out from the humane society because it was going to be put to sleep. She went and got this dog when she was little to replace her recently dieing dog spike. This died when she was 10 or so.

    I'm wondering what I can do to help her stand up and face her fears. Challenge life for what it is instead of crying herself to sleep. I listen to her when she calls with her problems and try to help her, but she ends up at the end saying I just wanna goto sleep. To me I'm left like wtf why would you just quit, but I respect her and let her get her sleep, something she values most in life.

    EDIT: she is still having problems and basically just threw down how she wants to end it all IE suicide and that crap. Either way I made her promise that I get to see her tommarrow which sounds lame, but whatever it takes.

    Thanks OT.
     
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2006
  2. onslaught61

    onslaught61 OT Supporter

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    can you be more specific as to what she is not satisified with? i can understand her not being happy with what she has, because I've dealt with that problem as well. What is her life like on a normal day? Does she go to work, hang out with friends, etc?
    Maybe she is spending too much alone time, overthinking things which is what I tend to do. Going out and spending time doing things to get these thoughts out of her mind should help her get over it more.
     
  3. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    She goes to school, then hangs out at her coffee shop after, then goes home normally. I do think she spends too much time thinking as I used to do that myself. Sure thinking is good, but like everything, it's good in moderation. She is no satisfied that she didnt get into UCSD and shes assuming no on princeton, she is unsatisfied with her mothers relationship and she envies mine. Shes unhappy with her looks(acme, very little IMO, but it still bothers her). She doesnt like her body and thinks shes fat. Either weither she is very attractive and hence why I dated her. She is none of these she just thinks so pessimistically about life.
     
  4. onslaught61

    onslaught61 OT Supporter

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    How does she respond to your constant assurance that she is overthinking things? If she doesn't believe in what you say, then she can't really confide in you. If she trusts you, she should understand what you're trying to get through to her.

    Maybe once she goes to college she'll discover who she is and learn to be satisfied with herself. She's got only so many months left here. So do I. I've been trying to hang on these last few steps because I know there is so much more for me in college. I've made my decision to leave the state and go far away from home so I can leave my past behind and start new. College has so much to offer, more than just academics and new relationships. I think she needs to find the motivation to hang on just a little longer. There's many of us like her, she's not alone.
     
  5. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    Ya, but see thats where I differ. Your just hiding your fears you aren't confronting them. You are just procrastinating the fact that you need to comfront your problems. You think college is some god and they will fix everything. If you have the same habbits now they wont change once you hit college and four years later the same shit will occur. YOU SOLVE IT NOW and your going to enjoy college. I dont understand why people over-rate college like it's something special. You just seem to be hiding your problems like she does.

    I'm not trying to sound mean just speaking from the heart. No harm ment.
     
  6. onslaught61

    onslaught61 OT Supporter

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    Nah man I understand where you come from. Trust me, others have told me this too. However, I know that living here isn't gonna solve my problems. I think for me it's more of self-discovering that I need to do. I need to experience more things so I better understand what path to take and who I really am. I dunno if that's what your ex needs or not.

    It seems like much of her problems is just in her head. I don't think you answered my question of how she responds to you. If you're the only one she confides in, will she not listen and understand what you are trying to tell her?
     
  7. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    well normally when we do talk about it, it is when she is emotional and crying and trying to help a crying female when she is crying doesnt work. You gotta talk to them after when they are clear. At the time she is too unstable to consider what I'm saying. Since I'm no longer dating her I dont feel like I have the power or the right to judge or tell her how to live either. Whenever she isnt sad, I just try to make her as happy as I can knowing that she will be sad again later and I'd rather not bring up bad times when shes sad.
     

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