SRS Help with emotional issues (she was raped by her father.)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by blkA4alb, Oct 23, 2006.

  1. blkA4alb

    blkA4alb New Member

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    Ok heres the deal, a good friend of mine was raped by her father when she was 9. She has always had trust issue since then. She has also always seen the male figures in her life walking in and out adding to the lack of trust issues.

    Her past boyfriends have never been very respectful towards her and she seems to gravitate towards the same type of person. My thinking is that its because thats what she knows, and doesnt know how to handle a different ind of person.

    Today she tells me that shes never really had an orgasm and has always faked it. She said that she is numb in her privates and whenever having sex she can't help but think of what happened to her.

    Do you guys have any suggestions for helping her overcome this? Thanks for any help.
     
  2. kdizzle59

    kdizzle59 New Member

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    just be there for her, if she brings it up she feels comfortable with you. listen to what she has to say. the only thing that is going to help her overcome it is having a good friend, a shoulder to cry on, a male figure who she can trust, and time.
     
  3. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Has she ever received professional counseling? If not she needs to.

    Good luck
     
  4. blkA4alb

    blkA4alb New Member

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    She has a therapist but she says that she doesn't open up much. That the therapist is just there cuz she gets paid.
     
  5. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Have her find a different one. As a woman who has been raped (although not by my father), I understand how emotionally traumatizing it is. She needs some help that is serious about helping her.
     
  6. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    shes not going to gain any ground if she doesnt put forth the effort. id just be supportive, perhaps move her to someone she will open up to.
     
  7. Riot

    Riot OT Supporter

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    eject.jpg

    not being an asshole, but you need to consider your own needs sometimes.
     
  8. notsousual

    notsousual New Member

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    He's not trying to date her...just be her friend. If you'd walk away from a friend in a time of need, that is nothing but being an asshole
     
  9. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    ibasylum
     
  10. Sionell89

    Sionell89 I grew up when I wasn't looking

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    That's exactly it. And if she doesn't, then you need to be realistic about how much she can give back. It might be all romantic and all to be the white knight in shining armor, but this is the work she has to do for herself. As cruel as it sounds, eject is sound advice especially if she isn't moving forward. She is badly wounded in an emotional way and she could very subtly turn into a vampire, stealing your emotional health instead of reclaiming her own. It's easier to do and allows her to continue to be a marytr. Often with these kind of trauma, there isn't a lot of congruency, rather a hell of a lot of divergence, where she says one thing and acts another, often without even realizing it or wanting to. She's stuck in an emergency coping behavior without a way to get out.

    Good luck and atta boy for wanting to try to help. (Just remember, you can't fix her, she needs to heal herself.)
     
  11. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    As weird as this is going to sound, I knew a woman in a similar situation. She was repeated raped by her three older brothers for years and years. Long story short, she actually enjoyed anal sex. At first it was uncomfortable, and after a few months of getting used to it she had her first orgasm, and would lubricate during sex. Her sexual needs were a little more different, in the respect that she really enjoyed being tied up, and my thought on it at the time was that although she was ashamed of her sexual past, being tied up essentially meant she was being forced to have sex. As a result, she had no say in it (although she did, of course) and it allowed her to enjoy sex more fully.

    She benefitted greatly from hypnosis, by the way, and most therapists she dealt with were unable to help her at all.
     
  12. Bisexualatina86

    Bisexualatina86 New Member

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    Well my best friend was sexually molested by her mom's boyfriend from the time she was like 8 all through high school. For a while she was so uncomfortable being around males & having boyfriends and stuff. But eventually like 2 years ago she got help and is still recieving it, and she has a boyfriend and everything. So, I say she should get some better professional help, I mean her problems won't go away overnight but she'll get better.
     
  13. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    from someone who understands a minimum of psychology, she needs to do certain things

    - she needs to not be around her father
    - she needs to get GOOD professional counseling. it can be intense. i know a girl who saw a counselor every day for a year to deal with something like this, and it could be worse
     

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