Help with breakup.

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by StuDLei, Jun 11, 2005.

  1. StuDLei

    StuDLei Death before Dishonor

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    This is really long, but I need some listeners. im back from iraq and im lost. hear me out:

    Let me break this down barney style.

    I was 21, her 24. Her name is april. April starts working at fareway(grocery store), the same place where i worked. When she started working there i obviously knew nothing about her. I had just broken up with a gf and gotten back from bootcamp. I was going through a rough time(summer of 2002 btw). I was depressed etc. At the end of summer me and the ex started talking again..we got back together...things actually went very well. Throughout this time im working with april, i actually dont remember how we "were" to eachother, but im sure there was some attraction there between both of us...always has been. I break up with current gf in april 2003. At this point i know a little more about april. there alot of rumours going around about her and "how she is"....in other words she doesnt have the bet rep. shes a bit of a whore. supposedly. at this point shes dating someone else from work. well after i broke up with my gf i was a different person..she was pretty much the only person i ever dated. it was pretty much an online thing although we did meet like 4 times. so when i broke up with her, i was ready to be single and i wasnt sure what that meant. i went out quite a bit since i was 21, had a great time etc etc. meanwhile april and i are still attracted to eachother. i mean its just something thats there..theres attraction there and thats just the way it is. anyways i bunch of people from work go out to the bar and april is their with her bf. they supposedly broke up that night and a bunch of us went over to aprils apt. i ate her out, made out with her and slept(not sex) with her that night. a few days later shes back with joe. she never told joe what happened...he just knew we were in the same bed sleeping together. joe was married too(well seperated.) they end up breaking up and i go out with april..things move real fast. i was completely honest with what i thought about her..i said i know about all the rumours etc, not sure how true they are, she answered a few questions i had. nevertheless the first few times we went out she was all over me, wanted the cock. i didnt give it to her. i was extremely attracted to her, but that just wasnt me. it was actually kind of a turn off to me, and made me wonder how true some of these rumours were. she got the clue how i felt, in fact when we went out one night, i told her i was "ready" that night. we got home....started fooling around and then she asked ME if i was ready etc etc. i was drunk too. it meant alot to me. showed me that maybe this girl isnt the dirty girl i was worried about or maybe she had changed. and i think she honestly did change, but thats another story. anyways her first fuck up was when i was on my 2 weeks of active duty for the marine corps. she went out with a bunch of people from work after inventory(every three months). they always go out to the bar and after the bar they went to the titty bar. she told me when i got back that a stripper lifted her shirt up(bra still on) and kissed her chest. it was the beginning..she was honest...i got over it quick. second and third fuck up are the same. she kissed another girl. this "lady" is 45 yrs old and also worked at fareway. she kissed(supposedly no tounge but i dont remember if i knew that at the time) her once while i was gone on a drill weekend....and again another time. this "lady" is really nice, but shes trashy imo. and others too. january comes around and i go to the strip club with friends and its a big deal. i come home and i told her i got two lap dances. shes crying...shes just really really upset, felt like i cheated on her etc. i was mad at first but she was sincerely hurt and i felt bad. last time i got a lapdance while i was with her. may rolls around and we go out to the titty bar after the bar with friends(april included) april gets on stage right in front of mme....stripper lifts her shirt up and licks her nipple. i get fucking irate...im just really sarcastic..thats how i am when im mad. we get over that. i go away in june to cali to train for iraq. things between april and i are really good. i mean we argue alot(have since probably month 6) but our feelings have always been very very strong. we were in love quick..and well.. ..we loved eachother alot. things go well throughout the summer..im able to see her 3 times. the last moment im with her she pulls me to her and shes crying and shes like "james, im gonna be here waiting for you when you get home, etc etc." keep in mind that WE ARE very much in love. i loved this girl with all of my heart and soul. she has done alot of GREAT things in our relationship. when i go to iraq we start arguing alot. im going through a tremendous amoutn and i trun into a jerk online sometimes. we always made up but after about three months she writes me this long email about her concerns, etc etc. it crushed me. just crushed me. she didnt break up with me, she just expressed her concerns and said it was kind of a "warning." i accepted it and understood alot of what she had to say. basically at that point i think she was just getting used to me not being around. she got a new job a few months earlier and made some girlfriends. that was something she never have. i was all about it, for her sake, but i think it eventually came to bite me in the ass. anyways..the last 4 moths of iraq i was crushed. april broke up with me 5 days after i got home. its been 2 months and im still crushed. my world is rocked right now. now things about her are starting to come out fromm other people. a guy i work with saw her out while i was gone and well..he was really really nervous when i brought it up, and he didnt tell me much. basically it sounds like she was "all over some guy"..dancing and whatnot. april gets flirty and attention whore like when shes drunk sometimes. now..this comes as a huge surprise....remember the first time i talked about at the strip club..ie "the first fuckup?" well supposedly alot more happened than what she told me. something happened between her and the asst manager...a married man with kids nevertheless who i always thought was a good guy. what this was i dont know. tim told me he just knew something happened but the people that were there swore never to tell. etc etc. anyways there is alot more to this whole story..its pretty hard to explain a 2 year relationship in 1 post. but i am crushed. and i am still in love with this girl and want her very much. she was my everything. she doesnt know some i know some of the stuff i just found out and she knows i am having a really hard time. she offered to talk to me if i thought it would help. im thinking i might want to. i want to know the truth about everything....maybe it will help bring me closure and help me heal. if i confront her though, even if i go about it in the most non accusing way, i think shes gonna get pissed and leave and i may never talk to her again. i already feel depressed as it is and i feel alot of guilt. i AM without a doubt a great guy, but im not perfect. im pretty fuckin witty and when im offended...i have my way with words and being sarcastic. anways..i dont really know what to do. i need someone to at least listen and offer me some kind of words of advice.
     
  2. Ractoon

    Ractoon Shibumi in progress...

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    That is really tragic and I hope you are doing better as time goes on. However, I think you have been given an opportunity here. If she has been doing these sorts of things all along then it would seem that you are better off without her. If the relationship continued and you discovered these things later on you would have endured far more pain than simply splitting right now, even though it may hurt, it will be far less damaging than the long term affects of such a girl.

    At the very least it seems like she has many things she has to face on her own. These things are not your fault nor your responsibility. You were there for her, and you seem to believe she knew that, so it was in her control whether to acknowlege you in that role or not.

    If you do see her again be careful and do not lose sight of where you stand. This line:
    should not be your concern. She has already hurt you far worse, and losing touch with her should not be your main concern at this point. It is obvious you truly care for her, however you must be aware of yourself as well at this point. If you want to learn about what happened, very well. The truth often sets your heart free and you can continue to heal. But if she get angry about telling you the truth, then take a hard look at what you are losing. I would not even consider someone who got angry at me for wanting to seek the truth a friend. Good luck, and as they say, time heals all wounds.
     
  3. StuDLei

    StuDLei Death before Dishonor

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    i just feel so much guilt and i dont know why. she makes me feel like it is all my fault. i think eventually i will talk to her but not for awhile. i wanna see what other facts i can gather first. and when i go into it... im gonna go into as best as i can. im not gonna try to be a dick. i dunno. i hate this feeling. i went through so much over the last year. im back now..and its like for what? ive got nothing but some extra money in the bank. thanks for your input though..it means alot to me.
     
  4. MrMan

    MrMan New Member

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    yea, don't worry, you'll find somebody better... not only in looks, but actually somebody that respects you. Just wait it out... a year, maybe two... and it will come.
     
  5. StuDLei

    StuDLei Death before Dishonor

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    I know this post is extremely long and therefore I will probably get very few replies..which sucks.but anyways. i have more too add. April has given me such a hard time for not trusting her...i think it was our biggest problem..trust. and i didnt trust her that much. but i went about it(the HIGH majority) of the time as nice as i could. obviously had a reasons for not trusting her and i tried explaining these but then she always said how she was "sick of me throwing the same shit in her face." she made me feel and i still feel guilty for not trusting her. i dont think she ever did that stuff to intentionally hurt me...obviouvsly it doesnt matter though..it still hurts. i got over stuff quick. i guess i just saw passed it because i loved her... it wasnt that big of a deal....i mean it was and it wasnt. if she was truly sorry than it was done. i know april has had some self esteem issues in the past. she is a very independant girl, but the reason she had slept with so many people was self esteem issues and alchohol. not excuses, i know. anyways.... i think when i would get upset or get "smart" with her that it hurt her self esteem. i dunno. shes hard to explain. she says shes stronger and more sure of her self now. maybe..idk. but she makes me feel like it was my fault that she wasnt those things before. that certainly was not my intention. i loved her and still love her more than words can explain. i consider myself to be a pretty "loving" guy..i dont know how to explain it. i see the best in people. i have been through alot in the last few years of my life with the Marine Corps. i can be cocky as hell, but i am not prideful ..or stuckup. theres a gigantic difference i think. i see things from both sides of the story etc. i just dont think i always come off this way..especially with her now. fuck.

    i just had to write more.
    hopefully i get some more responses..
     
  6. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    You might get some more reads/responses if you separate your story into paragraphs; it's hard to keep track of in one big lump (that's supposed to be constructive criticism and not an insult btw :))

    I did read all of it, and I think what you're having trouble seeing is that she doesn't have enough respect for your relationship and you. If you both entered your relationship expecting it to be monogamous and she didn't uphold her end of the bargain, she doesn't care as much as she should. This is a huge red flag. If two people are in love and in a monogamous relationship, putting distance between them does not give either party license to cheat. Cheat is exactly what she did.

    She shouldn't be giving you a hard time for trusting her. She broke your trust, on multiple occasions. If anything, you should be giving her a hard time for whoring it up while you were away. She's not going to change. She's not going to stop. She will continue to screw up, and your heart will be hurt again and again.

    There are girls out there who will treat you better. I recommend you dump this one for good (because she obviously doesn't think you're worth saving herself for, otherwise she wouldn't be doing what she's doing) and find a girl who will love you enough to save her body for you alone.
     
  7. Nismotic

    Nismotic Swat came into my house...disrespected my family..

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    I didn't read most of it because its 2AM, but keep your head occupied and take down anything that reminds you of her. It'll heal overtime.
     
  8. StuDLei

    StuDLei Death before Dishonor

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    i still believe she is the one. i cant explain. i AM different...always have been. whatever that means. i want her back. im not interested in anyone else. no one compares. she made some mistakes yes. i made some too. (im talking about being sarcastic and i guess belittling maybe? at times). time. maybe just time.
     
  9. StuDLei

    StuDLei Death before Dishonor

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    first of all..my last post..i was a little drunk ..so yeah.

    I keep justifying things she did. i feel guilty. she holds me to a double standard though. i remeber times where she was "untrusting" or worried or whatever and all i did was bring her peace of mind and reassure her. why not? i love her..i dont want her to feel like that....theres no point. thats what you do...and then eventually it gets to the point where you dont have to ask any more and you just trust. Trust is earned, not given. I mean yes, you start with a little bit, the benefit of the doub i guess, but still. Trust is earned, not given. She messed it up right from the getgo. She has no idea that i know something else happened... and we have talked/argued about the whole thing a couple times. why cant people just admit when their wrong? pride i guess. how fucking immature. yet she tells me shes more matrue than i am? does this girl have any clue what ive been doing for the last year? ive been through hell. i put my life on the line for HER every fucking day the last 7 months.
    Im immature because im so upset. right. this world is so fucked up.

    end fucking rant.
     
  10. opie

    opie hi. OT Supporter

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