help.. please :(

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by perfectquietude, Sep 2, 2008.

  1. perfectquietude

    perfectquietude New Member

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    I have been dating this guy for about 6 and a half weeks and I really like him. We usually see each other around 4 times a week, and we have been sexually active for a little over 2 weeks. I have discussed with him that I want to have a commitment, but his response has been that he got out of a really bad long term serious relationship a little under a year ago and ever since he hasn't been too excited about starting up a new one. We are four years apart in age, but we really connect emotionally, mentally, and sexually. After he said the stuff about not being ready to start up another relationship, he said he really cares about me. I asked him if he just needed time and he said yes. He takes me out all the time, and we spend a lot of time together. We've met each other's parents and neither of us live at home. He says he hasn't dated anyone else since we started having sex...

    Do you guys think it will be much longer until he decides to start a relationship? Am I missing something? Should I just be patient and go with the flow? The reason I post this is because I have had a lot of guys lead me on/ treat me really horribly in the past and I have trouble knowing whether to trust guys. I feel like I can trust him, but it just makes it so much harder when i know he is not ready to fully commit to me when I feel ready. I am willing to wait and I understand why he feels the way he does, I am just confused and want some advice at what you guys think I should do at this point.
     
  2. Nhubie

    Nhubie OT Supporter

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    the next time he tells you he is not ready for a relationship tell him you are not ready for sex, see how he respond.
     
  3. perfectquietude

    perfectquietude New Member

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    should I have made him wait if I felt it was right??-- because I've read a lot of threads in here and the general vibe that I get in here is that you should do it when it feels right. And we were seeing each other for about a month for at least every other day before we had sex.

    What would you suggest that I do now?
     
  4. perfectquietude

    perfectquietude New Member

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    even though I've already had sex with him?? Wouldn't that piss him off?
     
  5. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    Yes. And it would make you just another bitch who uses sex as a weapon.



    It's been 6 weeks. If it's 6 months, then you could worry.
     
  6. ledzep73

    ledzep73 New Member

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    fucking dot.
     
  7. perfectquietude

    perfectquietude New Member

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    yeah.. see i wouldn't want to do that.. but 6 months? there is no way i could wait that long without a commitment..

    do you think if a guy really cares about a girl, he'd commit?
     
  8. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    diesel is right.

    start seeing other guys instead. then see how both you feel about that.
     
  9. perfectquietude

    perfectquietude New Member

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    well he's told me that he hasn't seen another girl since we started having sex and even before that.. and I told him i didnt have an interest in seeing anyone else... and he said something like-- i know i can trust you and he knows im honest.. so if i started seeing other people, he'd probably know i was just doing it to use it against him.... what do you think?
     
  10. ledzep73

    ledzep73 New Member

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    Does the title really mean that much?
     
  11. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    If neither of you are seeing anyone else... isn't that a commitment? Exclusivity?

    Are you talking about getting engaged or something?
     
  12. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    .

    If he isn't actively dating another, does it really mean that much to possibly ruin what you have ?
     
  13. perfectquietude

    perfectquietude New Member

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    it's like a comfort zone thing. he says he's not dating anyone right now and he hasn't been..but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be okay for him to date someone tomorrow-- he has made it clear that we are not exclusive.
     
  14. perfectquietude

    perfectquietude New Member

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    we aren't officially exclusive. we have both stated to each other that neither of us have seen anyone else for the past 5 weeks or so.. but he has made it clear that we are not exclusive, and we could still technically be dating other people.-- that scares me.. i can't imagine him being with anyone else.
     
  15. perfectquietude

    perfectquietude New Member

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    wait who said I wanted to ruin what we have?? making it a relationship wouldn't ruin it..
     
  16. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    I would have to say that if it means that much to you, then make that clear and at least consider making it a condition of staying with him. Because, and correct me if I'm wrong, it seems as though you intend to be exclusive either way.
     
  17. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    so is he just keeping your around until he finds someone else?

    his "we're not seeing other people right now, but we can be" sounds like he's just keeping you along as basically an open relationship, and will sleep with the first hot girl who gives him the time of day. while you're approaching this as a 'traditional' relationship that just hasn't completely developed yet.
     
  18. perfectquietude

    perfectquietude New Member

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    I definitely don't want to threaten him though-- his ex was the threatening type-- I am not like that, and i wouldn't want to put some kind of ultimatum over him. I really care about him, and I want it to be his idea-- he is the man, and i prefer he take control of the situation. I don't want to force anything :( :ugh:
     
  19. perfectquietude

    perfectquietude New Member

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    I'm afraid of something like that happening :( but i know he had some ongoing sexual relationships with certain people..and he hasn't seen them since he started having sex with me...but i don't know too many details about them-- it could be that they live far away or something and he hasn't had a chance? I haven't asked for any details.. :(
     
  20. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    You don't have to tell him it's a condition for it to be a condition.

    Get my drift?

    Just make sure he understands that this is important to you and knows you aren't his doormat. He's going to have to get over himself at some point. But guys get very lazy when they think they have a girl on lockdown.
     
  21. Mugen92GS-R

    Mugen92GS-R New Member

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    Give the guy some time. 6 weeks isn't shit... I've dated girls for months before without a commitment... and most of the time the reason I didn't commit was because I was still getting over an ex. He likes you, and isn't fucking anyone else, he just isn't sure if he can REALLY get in to it yet.

    Give him some time. If you want, bring it up again in another month and a half, but no sooner.
     
  22. perfectquietude

    perfectquietude New Member

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    so do you think i should not hang out with him as much?
     
  23. perfectquietude

    perfectquietude New Member

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    jeeze thats a long time.. i feel so vulnerable like this :(
     
  24. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    He likes you enough for free sex with no commitment, but not enough to pursue a relationship.

    You like him more than he likes you in all of this.

    A relationship is always possible but not likely. He is using you for sex... enjoy the sex while you can but look elsewhere for a new relationship.
     
  25. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    as you should.

    3 months is way too long to be fucking a guy you're in to, who may or may not be interested in you besides a booty call.

    if you feel uncomfortable, you should. figure out a way to speed up his thinking. don't give him an ultimatum, but encourage him to make a decision without actually asking for one.

    edit: how old are you? i'm gonna guess you're 21 and he's 25. you sound like you and he have different outlooks on relationships and sex. that's not your fault or his, but it could be a major problem.
     

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