Help me understand this woman (a bit long)

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Kretschmer, Oct 1, 2006.

  1. Kretschmer

    Kretschmer in ur uboatz sinkin ur doodz

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    I saw (she didn't see me) this girl at a bar the first time and she was gorgeous. Then I forgot about her for a while and later on accidentally found her on the internets.

    We mostly talked through AIM. She always was flirty and nice to talk to. Then one evening, I saw her at the gym with her friends. I talked to her, but she didn't recognize me. We exchanged #s earlier (my first mistake was not to call when she gave it to me) so she called me a few minutes later. Told me sorry she didn't recognize me at first and then asked me what I was doing later (I think she wanted to go out with her friends and would have invited me too). I already had other plans so I said we'll definetely do it some other time. She has since moved about 70 miles away and we've been chatting on AIM on and off. She'll IM me once a month or so. We agreed that we're going to do something (an activity) together after I was going to come back from a trip. She hasn't contacted me about it within the timeframe we agreed to do it. So I finally decided enough with my insercurity and I told her I'll call her when I get back from my trip to share the experiences of this activity that I ended up doing with other friends. I called and she didn't answer. I made a mistake of leaving a voicemail. She never called me back. So at this point, I decided screw it.

    A couple weeks later (a few days ago), she IMs me again and tells me she will be in town with some friends. I said cool, let me know when you're here and we'll do something. She said OK.
    She never called.

    What is going on here? Am I too much of a pussy and should be more persistent/have more initiative, or she's just a teaser? I've previously thought she isn't too comfortable meeting me right away after just online talk (even though we've seen plenty of pictures of each other), but this would have been a get together with other friends too (as in, if she didn't like me, nothing would've happened and it wouldn't have been awkward as in the case that only the two of us met).

    Any help would be greatly appreciated.
     
  2. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    honestly, it sounds like it's going to go nowhere. SSince she's 70 miles away, I'd just forget about it and move on. Otherwise you'll just keep doing this whole "we'll get in contact once a month" thing.
     
  3. fray

    fray New Member

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    maybe you let it go too long (weren't "persistent" or seemed interested enough) when she was close and now it's just a friendly, she'll see you when she sees you thing. So, she wouldn't mind hanging out with you, but you're no priority... I second the "move on" posted above...
     
  4. Kretschmer

    Kretschmer in ur uboatz sinkin ur doodz

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    I figured that's what happened, but I really wanted to give it a try at least. Oh well, we'll see what happens. I wasn't putting too much hope in this anyway, but at least I learned something. Thanks! :bigthumb:
     
  5. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    You haven't learned much ... go set up something with her, then have sex, have your heart broken, just have fun, marry her, do something with it.
     
  6. Kretschmer

    Kretschmer in ur uboatz sinkin ur doodz

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    That's not what I meant. I meant that I should have more confidence, that's all. I am giving up on this girl though.
     
  7. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    Without a doubt, it was your fault.

    Men have to do 100% of the initiating, always. Otherwise you're not doing the best job you could be doing.

    The most a woman needs to do is send out signals. If she isn't interested in you, she won't keep saying stuff like "We definitely need to hang out." --- She will never mention it, and if you do, she won't say "Yeah for sure." -- You'll say something like "We need to hang out sometime" and she'll give a fake "Yeah". Usually.

    Saying "We need to do something sometime" is beta and indecisive. Instead you should say something along the lines of "I'm going to a party with my friends --- You should come with me" or anything other than asking her. (For the record, don't take a girl to a party. Just an example folks.)

    You've dug yourself in a hole, but it isn't too late to make a decision and get her on a date with you. If she says no, then so what, you messed up, and it won't happen again.
     
  8. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Socrates is 100% on the money.

    This woman has given you several opportunities, but instead of being the aggressor, you have deferred hoping she would make the moves. Its not going to happen.

    You may still have a chance with her, but you are going to have to be very strong and decisive.

    When given the opportunity, you need to make plans and follow thru on them. Don't wait for her to tell you what she wants or ask her if its okay. Make a plan to do something together and follow thru on it.

    That's all you have to do.
     
  9. Kretschmer

    Kretschmer in ur uboatz sinkin ur doodz

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    Great advice, thank you!

    So what would you guys have done this last weekend, in my place and what would be my best approach given the current situation?
     
  10. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Leaving a voicemail is not a mistake. Any guy worth talking to would leave a voicemail. If she liked you then she would have called you back, since she didn't call you back you know she isn't worth wasting your time on.
     
  11. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    Leaving the wrong sort of voicemail can break you as well. Fucking phones, bottomless pit of frustration and misery. So many blunders to be made.
     
  12. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Socrates nailed it. Here's some other ways to think about this:

    The longer you talk without asking her on a date, the less likely you will date her. The goal of AIM should be to get her phone number in less than 3 days, then ask her on a date on the phone. AIM and phone are tools to be used for setting up dates, not talking! Talking electronically = friendzone.

    At this point she has given up waiting for you to ask her on a date, so she's inviting you along with her friends for a nice friendly outing of friends. You got friendzoned, get it?

    You SHOULD have asked her on a date, alone, not with anyone else, so you could have gotten to know her in person. The fact that you said hello to her and she did not know you in "real life" speaks volumes. You were not even part of her conscious mind. You only exist on a glowing computer screen.

    Friends.

    Like friends.

    Hopefully the message was the tried-and-true "This is Jake, call me back." and nothing more! But no, she is not interested in you, otherwise she'd be beating a path to your door.

    The man always calls. You knew when she was going to be in town? Had you not put yourself so far into friendzone, you could have set up a date on the phone. "Oh rilly? ;) So let's go to [place] on [day] at [time] and [do something] so we can catch up." would have been about right.

    She's sent signals, and you have made zero moves.

    Which is why you talk on the phone, then meet some place in public. It's called a date. Everyone does it.

    If you meet her with friends, you will NEVER get to know the real person she is, nor will you be able to judge if she is interested in you. NO DOUBLE DATES or dates with friends!

    Basically, you COULD have done something, but you needed to make some moves. Likely you were afraid of rejection, but you wasted days/weeks/months and still have no clue. It's much better to ask for a phone number and get excuses (a "no") or ask her on a date and get excuses (a "no") and KNOW within a week, then waste however long you have wasted.

    Now the important thing to do is to make your intentions clear - ASK her on a date! See how she reacts! If she backs off (makes excuses) think about what YOU did wrong. Were you boring, rude, mean, predictable, desperate, lacked self-confidence, lied to her, passive, too talkitive? What *exactly* did you do that bored her? If she was not trying to spend more time with you, then you were too boring (likely) or lacked self control (angry? depressed? drive like a maniac with her in the car?) and scared her away.

    Act like a mature adult, be flirty, joke with her, have a good time, smile, look her in the eyes, and be cool. Don't talk too much, get to know her, have fun. But by all means, when she cools off, figure out what you JUST DID and learn from your mistakes. We all make mistakes. Women ignore you when you make mistakes, it's that simple.
     
  13. Kinks

    Kinks Sup. OT Supporter

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    Some girls will see how much you will chase before they give in.. in which case "i'll call you" = "call me" etc. You have to do all the work until you've got them properly.
     
  14. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    On the voicemail debate, I have to agree with Poco.

    Anytime I leave a voicemail, it is a simple "This is Tyler, call me back." or depending on what type of guy the girl is attracted to (Check out "The Art of Seduction" book and read up on how Casanova would seduce women by being the type of man they are attracted to. It's powerful), I could sound a little irritated, like "This is Tyler. I'm not going to play phone tag, so call me."

    I read a book called "How To Talk To Anyone" or something close to that, and it gave a great trick for getting people to call you back. Anytime you want a girl to call you back, say "I've got something importan to tell you." or "I've got a secret for you." or something along those lines, see what I mean? A secret or a suprise is like crack to a girl, and they will eat it up.

    Don't think you have to have a good secret. The secret could be that you ate spaghettio's for breakfast. If anything, they will laugh at it.
     
  15. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    :rofl:
     
  16. Kretschmer

    Kretschmer in ur uboatz sinkin ur doodz

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    Thank you for all your efforts. :bowdown:
    Definetely some good lessons I need to think about. I have SERIOUS fear of rejection, which is why I don't make the first move unless I can read some clear signs :(. I'll have to try to overcome it. :x:
     
  17. Kretschmer

    Kretschmer in ur uboatz sinkin ur doodz

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    :bigthumb: I never even thought about it, yet I know how much girls love this stuff. Thanks!
     

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