SRS Help me help my Girlfriend.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Burton', Mar 22, 2007.

  1. Burton'

    Burton' New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2007
    Messages:
    948
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    in da lodge, spanking my charrizard
    So I've been dating this girl for a little over 5 months now, when we just started dating everything was great, she was always happy and smiling and we had a blast together, she always told me that whenever she's around me she doesn't think about her ex of 3 years who treated her like shit who also was the guy that took her virginity.

    Anway for the past couple of months she has been loosing sleep at night, she won't eat for 3 days straight before getting food and I've been trying to get to the bottom of it to why she's so stressed out, anyway for the past 2 weeks she started telling me how she's a bad person, how she's done bad things in her past which she can't let go and also how I'm just "too good to be true" and how I'm just going to leave her once I get to know her better. Me being the good boyfriend I told her that I didn't care what it was and that if she told me what it was I would not hold it againts her instead I would try to help her, but she wouldn't tell me. So after doing some detective work I came to the conclusion that she had a abortion (I'm not going into details about how I found out) so last night we talked and again she was very emotional and was just saying how she's a bad person and i'm too good to be true, and I once again asked what the problem was but she wouldn't tell me, so I was like "I already know what it is" and she insited that I told her, and if I was right she would admit to it, so I threw it out there....."you had an abortion" and she with her suprised look on her face admited and was in shook as to how I new and insisted on telling me. Basically when she lost her virginity her idiot boyfriend didn't use a condom and got her pregnant, and she didn't know that she was pregnant until she was 10 weeks into it but was in europe on vacation with her parents at the time, by the time she got her Abortion she was already 16 weeks into it she says and when she was getting the surgical abortion I guess she saw all the bits and pieces of the unborn which made her feel like a Murderer.


    Anyway I don't want to go into any more details and try to keep this short.


    Now I'm wondering as to what I can do to help her get over herself, she got the abortion last July and still has nightmares about it and just can't get over it.




    Any ideas would be helpfull <3

    :hs:
     
  2. Elfling

    Elfling New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2004
    Messages:
    36,575
    Likes Received:
    0
    Sounds like you're being supportive and loving, and that's all you can do. Have you discussed therapy with her?
     
  3. kingtoad

    kingtoad OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2003
    Messages:
    55,923
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    You're doing it. :)
     
  4. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

    Joined:
    May 29, 2000
    Messages:
    49,189
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    San Diego, CA
    She needs professional help. It sounds like it has caused her to have post traumatic stress disorder.
     
  5. Crush

    Crush Epidural hematoma up in this bitch

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
    Messages:
    4,778
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Chapel Hill, NC
    Let me guess, she is 16....
     
  6. MementoVivre

    MementoVivre like the cat...

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2007
    Messages:
    94
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    the place where the sidewalk ends
    Really, she needs professional counseling. It sounds like she's going through a tremendous amount of guilt, which I know from other women I've known is very common. Is there a Planned Parenthood in your area? In my town they offer potentially free counseling to young women for post-abortion issues. It also sounds like she has trust issues, but is struggling to deal with those...as for the trust issues continue to let her know you care about her and that you won't hold anything against her, and if she pushes you away at any time, which she might, just be there for her when she comes back...
     
  7. Burton'

    Burton' New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2007
    Messages:
    948
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    in da lodge, spanking my charrizard
    I haven't yet discussed therapy with her, even though that was in my mind from the beginning as soon as i found out, i just wanted to see if the ot members could give me some more advice. As far as her age she is almost 19 and this happened last year.

    I guess I will try to get in touch with a PP counselor to see if there is anything I can do to help her before us both going to get therapy for her.

    It just hurts to see her like that :wtc:
     
  8. Elfling

    Elfling New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2004
    Messages:
    36,575
    Likes Received:
    0
    :hs: You're doing what you can, getting her to talk about it, listening to her and being there for her.
     
  9. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2005
    Messages:
    13,722
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    at your mom's house. be back later.
    You're doing an awesome job! Good for you for being so supportive- I think many people would have turned tail and ran if they found out this kind of info after dating for only 5 months.

    I agree with everyone else too, get that girl in therapy, pronto. If planned parenthood can't help you, many therapists have a sliding fee scale that is dependent on your income.

    Best of luck to you both!
     

Share This Page