Help me get over this girl v.chemical addiction

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Falconer, Sep 16, 2006.

  1. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Help me get over this girl v.chemical addiction **txt convo post 13**

    So my gf and I broke up (again) tonight. Two days ago was our 9 month anniversary. Here are bullet points:

    - She was very, very hot. I mean like 10/10 hot. I'm not kidding (no pics, don't ask)

    - The sex was incredible. I've been in two relationships that were over 2 years each before this one, and the sex with this girl blows the other two out of the water. We both said it was the best sex we've ever had.

    - We had almost identical personalities and got along well most of the time.

    - When things were good between us, things were awesome. I was on cloud-9 constantly.

    - When things got bad, and we would fight, she was not there emotionally for me. More on this later.

    - We would makeup/breakup sometimes.

    - We both agreed that this was the most intense relationship we'd ever been in, and we were both crazy in love with each other.

    - She would give me mixed signals a lot, like telling me how absolutely in love she was with me, but then seeming bored and distant when we were together.


    So here's my problem. My ex had a very quick temper. I'm very calm and patient, especially with those I love, but she was quick to get pissed off. When we would argue, she was pretty hostile and didn't fight fairly, and was not there for me emotionally. I realize that these are absolute deal-breakers for a serious relationship, but bear with me...

    Sometimes I'd be laying in bed next to her, thinking "wow, this really isn't going to work." We went through a LOT of drama, and I was willing to make an honest attempt at working through things, and she said she was, too, but apparently she wasn't. I don't want to get into it.

    My problem is I am chemically addicted to this girl (before you tell me I'm crazy, there have been studies proving that the "lust" stage of love has a very similiar effect on the brain as addiction to/withdrawl from hard drugs). I can tell you that, on paper, our relationship probably would not have worked, but I was clinging to hope that it would based on the fact that I was absolutely attracted to her in every way. How the fvck do I get out of this mindset?

    I can rationalize with myself that obviously she didn't feel the same way I did, or she wouldn't have decided it wasn't going to work out between us tonight, but then I start thinking about how we were sitting there just a few days ago watching tv together on her couch, holding each other, and having her kiss me and tell me how much she loved me and really hoped things would work out. It's like a contradiction in my head (female logic?)

    I mean obviously her actions don't match her words, and logically that should be enough "proof" to me, but wtf?

    I'm almost expecting a call/txt tomorrow (knock on wood). Usually when we break up she changes her mind the next day. I'm telling you. She's moody. wtf?

    And then I guess there's also the feeling of "I'm never going to find someone else that I'm this sexually compatible with," which is a huge deal for me, because I'm not going to lie; sex is very important to me in a relationship. I know this is a common and bad mindset (the "I'll never find someone who compares" thinking), but I can't help it.

    She would insist that I still had a thing for one of my exes. I was like wtf? "If I really wanted her, I could be with her right now in a drama-free environment, but instead I'm busting my ass to try and work things out with you." So after we broke up, she txts me with "have fun being fvckbuddies with (ex's name)." WTF? I know she's insecure about this, but I spent hours talking about whatever she wanted to about this to try and make her feel better.

    I'm sure if she called me tomorrow and wanted to "work through things," I'd be a little bitch and agree to it, too. I guess for whatever reason I saw potential there, and in spite of all the BS and all the drama, I was willing to work for it. The fact that she wasn't should be indicative of incompatibility, right?

    Psychologists - How do I get her out of my mind?

    Seduction community guys - any insights on her behavior?
     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2006
  2. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    This is why I hate my ex. She was so fucking cutehot. Beautiful tits too. Can't help you - as u can tell, I'm sort of in the same boat.
     
  3. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    If this girl has such a control over you like this it is probably for the best that you two are broken up. She seems really jealous. Jealous people make comments about the ex's like she did. Mixed signals are never a good thing either 9 months into the relationship. The awesome sex can be replaced.

    My advice? Break it off and cut communication. Easier said than done.
     
  4. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I tried everything I could to make her more comfortable. I'm sure me trying to "be nice" goes against the seduction community's advice, but I thought "what would I want if I were insecure about an ex?" I'd want reassurance from the person that I had nothing to worry about, so that's what I gave her. Oh well.

    It sucks, because I was so happy with her. Even stupid, boring stuff like holding hands as we walked through a store or something was like pure bliss.

    I guess it boils down to "I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me." I made it clear that I was willing to work through things with her, and SHE said it wasn't going to work. We chatted online tonight for like 3 hours. I asked her "are you sure this is what you want this time?" (cuz she changes her mind a lot), and she said "yes." Then she told me bye, to have fun with my ex, and signed off. (How immature is that? Seriously) Even last night I was at her place, and we were fighting some of the time, but there was still lots of affection and "I love you"s (altho not during the fighting). We even said "I love you" before we went to bed. Nutcase. wtf! I guess to me, if I were acting like that (all lovey and stuff), I wouldn't be so willing to give up on a relationship. But being a male, I'm also logical. Oh well.

    So here, I promise OT that I will not initiate contact with her. If she wants to talk, maybe, but I am not going to initiate anything with her at all. It will be weird, tho, cuz we used to call/text/email each other throughout the day.
     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2006
  5. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I checked my cell phone just now and there were two missed calls from "Private." Does that mean someone *69ed me? One was last night at 4am and one was this morning at 11am. I missed both the calls tho (my phone was on silent). I wonder if it was her, but I wonder ytf she would block her number... we always talk about how much we hate that shit. She might be trying to get me to txt her and ask "did you call me private?"

    Then again, for the last few weeks I've been randomly getting "private" calls even while we were together, and I would answer and there was no one there.

    Seriously tho, I'm 25, aren't these like high school games?

    Any suggestions? So if she calls or something (I kind of doubt she will at this point) and shows an interest in getting back together, how should I respond?

    I mean, I love her enough that I want her to do whatever makes her happy; even if that means not being with me. But is it bad if I'm sitting here feeling like I hope she misses the shit out of me and feels like crap? Or is that my ego talking?
     
  6. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    That's really weird, and I would ignore it. Honestly, it sounds like this girl was somewhat manipulative towards you...i know it sucks now, but I think you'd probably be better off in the long run by finding someone else to be with.

    Edit: Misread the post. Honestly though...I'd stay away from her. All this breaking up, then getting together the next day just seems a way of weakening relationships to me. If you break up with someone, you have to give it a little time to see if that's what you really want. Wait only a day, and yeah, you'll miss the person, but it's still not enough time to know if it's right or not. So yeah, when you just have the feelings of loss, it's VERY easy to want to get right back together with them.
     
  7. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Our longest break was two weeks, our shortest was like 24 hours.

    I totally agree with you. It's almost like at this point there are so many things wrong with our relationship... but I still can't change how I feel, you know? It's annoying.
     
  8. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Private number just called again right now. I answered, and no one said anything and then they hung up. That's what always happens. Weird.

    edit - 5 seconds later she txts me "R u awake?"

    It had to have been her calling.

    txt from her: "So when things end btwn us, u never try 2 want 2 make things work. Y is that"

    Hahaha. Fvcking incredible.
     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2006
  9. weakone

    weakone New Member

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    Please don't make generalizaitons like that. All females are not like the one you're dealing with. She's immature and she knows you're going to be there because you make yourself available, which makes her game easier to play.
     
  10. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Manipulation, right there.
     
  11. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    She's 26.

    The texting went like this:

    Her: So when things end btwn us, u never try 2 want 2 make things work. Y is that

    Me: I was the one trying to make things work. U ended it. Dont' tell me I wasn't trying.

    Her: U weren't. U werent like, oh honey, i want 2 work things out lets not end things. U just proved my point.

    Me: U said u didn't want 2 b together. I dont want 2 have 2 change ur mind. I want a gf who wants 2 b w me becuz she wants 2.

    Her: Still. U made no effort.

    Me: No effort? Go reread our chat. I always make the effort. U gave up. I shouldnt hav 2 convince u 2 b w me

    Her: No but u should make it known u don't want things 2 end.

    Me: It only takes 1 person to end things. Im not going 2 beg. I wouldnt talk 2 u about (my ex) 4 HOURS 2 try n make u feel better if i wanted things 2 end.

    Her: Whatever

    Me: (no reply)

    Her: Do u want 2 do this or not?


    :wtf:

    I need a clever answer now.
     
  12. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    You actually really don't need a clever answer. She is just playing games with you, trying to make you feel bad and think that you aren;'t working hard enough. It is obvious that she is the one who is not willing to be serious about it.

    I'd just reply with "No".
     
  13. xinster

    xinster New Member

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    how bout "No."
     
  14. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    lol

    btw, I edited the thread title but the change doesn't show up on the main forum. It only changed within the thread.
     
  15. rpmorri

    rpmorri So many idiots...not enough bullets

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    This is the problem. Just reading that, she's stringing you along.

    It's gonna hurt now, but that'll disappear in time. You have to give it the time to disappear, though. :p
     
  16. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Maybe I'll get back into it and just not take it seriously, or practice my ALPHA MALE techniques on her. :bigthumb:

    I figure, if the relationship is going to be over anyway, then if we get back together I can't possibly fvck it up because it was supposed to be over anyway. Make sense?
     
  17. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I txted her back "what, did you change your mind again?"
     
  18. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    possibly, but then again, it could make you feel even worse when it does end
     
  19. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Her: I dunno. R u done?

    Me: U ended it.
     
  20. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I was trying to point out that it's logically retarded to break up with someone and then ask them "what do you want?"

    The point was probably lost because girls != logic.
     
  21. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Emotions > logic in these convo's
     
  22. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    you cant argue logic with them (females) falconer. after displaying more of your conversations she is trying to manipulate you hard. follow styles advice more closely and dont give in. from the sound of it, you have catered to her needs way too much in the relationship, forgetting about yours somewhere down the line. btw she sounds SUPER immature you dont need this immature of a girlfriend.
     
  23. erobbins

    erobbins Active Member

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    you dont deserve to have your emotions toyed with by someone who claims to love you. either she wants to work things out or she doesn't, and it's pretty clear she only wants to when she needs an ego boost from you kissing her ass
     
  24. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    If she wants me back she's going to beg.
     
  25. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    I dont care how hot she is I could never handle someone that immature.
     

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