Help me figure out wtf to do with my first relationship v.distanceandgay :noes:

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by bioyuki, Jan 12, 2006.

  1. bioyuki

    bioyuki Ich habe Angst

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    So, I've been going out with this guy for 6 months, started out as a distance thing, continues to be a distance thing cause we goto different schools. We hung out a good deal over break, took a trip together and I recently dropped the L bomb :o.

    I guess it freaked him out, he feels I have more vested in the relationship then he does. He doesn't want to be in an exclusive relationship but at the same time considers me more than just a friend.

    I understand him not wanting to be in a relationship cause he just came out, he's finding himself, we're far apart, etc. But if that holds true I feel like we should either just be friends or in a relationship...anywhere else in between and there's a conflict of interest. We talked about an open relationship but he feels that if he does something with someone else he'll be hurting me and stuff because I'm more into the relationship then he is.

    So what should I do OT...I don't want to lose him cause he's one of the best friends I've had. Should I just start treating him as a platonic friend? :dunno::hsd:
     
  2. Ichabod Crane

    Ichabod Crane Active Member

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    You dropped the L bomb - you ceded the power in the relationship to him. The one who cares less always wields more control in terms of defining the relationship. All you can do is wait for him to warmup or move on if you aren't satisfied.
     
  3. Injected1

    Injected1 New Member

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    Maintain contact and give him time.. (If you like him as much as you let on) If he doesn't want anything serious, don't let it stop you from pursuing any other opportunities with other potential dates. That way you can still keep in touch and be there for him and he may come around, but you're not keeping yourself on the hook for him..
     
  4. bioyuki

    bioyuki Ich habe Angst

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    Fuck, I need a class in dating 101 :sad2:
     
  5. Ichabod Crane

    Ichabod Crane Active Member

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    Go to Borders, find the self-help section, grab the dating & relationships books, and go find a comfy seat and skim through them.
     
  6. Injected1

    Injected1 New Member

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    This is very correct, but the guy doesn't appear to want a relationship with her right now. She's not even made it to that step yet.. The "love" being put out there before both parties are aware they are in a relationship with sometimes freak the other out.. (especially guys)


    Now that he knows how you feel, just keep doing whatever you were doing before.. If you were that close friends before, he should be cool with however you were around here before you spilled the beans to him.. He now knows that you interested and it's his turn to let you know IF he is ever ready. Don't push him into into it or you could very well be pushing him away and frustrating the hell outta yourself..
     
  7. dscallaway69

    dscallaway69 New Member

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    Ummm I don't mean to point out something pretty obvious here but they are both guys.

    Anyways you may have pushed him away just a little. The thing to do now is not pressure him to make a decision on where the relationship stands. Right now I am assuming he is thinking that if he says he wants a relationship to then he is saying he loves you also and obviously he is not there yet. However he may still want to be with you. Just relax and take it slow and see how things go.
     

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