SRS Help! I'm jealous of my husband's success & can't figure out why!

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by AsperGirl, Nov 10, 2009.

  1. AsperGirl

    AsperGirl New Member

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    I need some help with my life-dissatisfaction issue.

    I've suddenly become jealous of my husband's success and I can't figure out why.

    I had to quit work a couple of years ago because my husband wasn't doing anything at home and my mother got cancer and other things happened. Our house almost went into foreclosure because he wasn't paying the bills. So I stay home now and I cook and handle bills, and my husband's career has gone off like a rocket.

    He's a key team leader on a $2 B/$15 B engineering project that is helping anchor his multinational company in the bad economy. He's been put in for an executive bonus even though he's still manager level, and he's definitely executive track.

    Last week, my husband got off the phone with me and said some $250 million project he wrote a proposal on was won, but the customer demanded he had to be working on the project. He doesn't know how he's going to fit that in on top of his current workload.

    My husband met John McCain last year and showed him his work and they chatted about airplanes when the candidates were on campaign swings in the area.

    I've recently realized that I'm jealous of my husband and resent his success.

    I didn't want to be a housewife, and I never wanted to be a housewife, and I love work and challenges. He's a great husband. I can do anything I want and goof off all day, and he's still happy with me. I can spend all our money on me, if I want. He's better than a normal husband b/c we're best fishing buddies and best friends.

    I know I'm lucky. But all I can think about is how I can get out of this no-life executive wife deal I'm in and get back to work or go back to school and get my PhD or something. I feel as if I'm sitting here rotting into a nothing day after day, and meanwhile he's becoming some world class engineering leader.

    WTF is wrong with me? There's obviously something wrong with me.

    Go ahead, troll away. If I can figure out what fucked up thought process is making me be such an ass, that would help me greatly.
     
  2. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    then why dont you go back to work or school? you are jealous cause you are not satisfied with your own life, so do something about it.
     
  3. AsperGirl

    AsperGirl New Member

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    That's a good suggestion, that I've thought about a lot. There is no immediate way out that way, tho.

    It's difficult so long as I have to carry the full load at home, and for other reasons. The work I do is very demanding, like his. One of us had to quit.

    If I go back to work at some "lite" job, it will be a career change. Which might be worse than just sitting out another year or two until his job stabilizes some.

    I am thinking about taking an online higher degree or certification from a good brick-and-mortar school.

    But I'm wondering what personality or stupidity issue is causing me to be dissatisfied with my situation. Maybe I should post this in the main forum and get trolled.
     
  4. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    why are you so shocked you are dissatisfied with your situation? you are not enjoying your day to day "job", it makes perfect sense

    can you explain why you cant work and still take care of things at home? do you guys have kids or is there something else going on? my husband and i both work full time, but we also both have time to clean the house, cook meals, pay bills on time, etc so im not quite understanding why you couldnt have a full time job as well as handle those things.
     
  5. JudyVu

    JudyVu New Member

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    Are you also worried he will think he has "outgrown" you? I think you should go back to work and hire help around the house.
     
  6. AsperGirl

    AsperGirl New Member

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    He doesn't and didn't help out... that part of his brain appears to be missing. Like I said, when my mom had cancer and I was out of the state, the house just about went into foreclosure because he wasn't paying bills. His job is demanding, too.

    I have a very very mild Asperger Syndrome, not really qualifying to be a disorder b/c it's not disabling. I'm more of an Asperger phenotype -- way out on the functional spectrum. But I have a hard time organizing a lot of things and handling stress. So if I'm working as an engineer, that's mostly what I'm about and I'm able to handle very little else. If anything, I'm like my husband, not able to do much outside of work, but not because I'm important and executive track, but because I can't multitask well.
     
  7. AsperGirl

    AsperGirl New Member

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    Yes, that too. When you're a housewife, people treat you as if you're ignorant and stupid. A couple of times, I've been tempted to do the expensive hair-expensive clothes thing, to act like I have status, which is what some executive wives do, I guess. But that doesn't really interest me and it's not fulfilling. I was always a geek.

    I wonder if this is why wives of executive men demand expensive jewelry and furs, etc. To make their egos match their husband's growth. So they don't fade into the background as some dumpy Hausfrau.
     
  8. AsperGirl

    AsperGirl New Member

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    I really appreciate the suggestions, btw!

    [​IMG]
     
  9. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    like Judy suggested, i would get a housekeeper to take care of the housecleaning stuff. you can also set up your bills to autopay so that you dont need to worry about them on a weekly or daily basis.

    im not saying that neither of your jobs would be demanding, but you are both adults, and sometimes being an adult requires that you take care of things you dont want to think about. you guys both might need to learn to balance things a little better, though setting up autopay and getting a housekeeper will keep you from having to deal with it on a daily basis.
     
  10. AsperGirl

    AsperGirl New Member

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    That is great advice... maybe next year we'll be able to make enough between us both to have a part time housekeeper and part time personal assistant. Then we could both work.

    Maybe that's a goal I should work on, because just thinking about it gives me a big lift.

    Thanks!
     
  11. B00M

    B00M I speak of peace while covert enmity

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    Take the opportunity to do something you always wanted to do but could never find the time for. In college I volunteered a lot at nature centers and loved working w/ animals. When I became a professional there wasn't anytime for that kind of volunteer work. After experiencing something similar what I named the "who-am-I-now-housewife blues" I went out looking for something fufilling. I found it at a local animal shelter and it really helped pull me out of my funk. I earn a small salary but that's not the point. What it gives me is a sense of contributing to the greater good...participating in something bigger than my cloistered little world. Find something volunteering, schooling, etc...something that will make you feel like a contributing member of society, even if it's just a few hours on the weekend, or during the week. It's important for your mental health...or at least it was for mine.
     
  12. AsperGirl

    AsperGirl New Member

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    I live near some national museums and etc. I've been looking for great volunteering opportunities! I'm in a city and I don't have to sit here unstimulated.

    The thing is that the stuff I'm interested all seems to be filled with senior citizens volunteering in, LOL.

    Your story is a good example. I'll start new efforts to find a good volunteering op.
     
  13. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    get a job, use his executive bonus to pay for daycare/nanny, go back to school 2 nights/week and develop yourself, enjoy his success.
     
  14. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    you should try being a stay-at-home dad. you have no idea what judgmental means until you're the only man to show up at your kid's 2nd grade halloween party.

    i get funny looks when I take my kids to the park..... when they take off an play and I sit there and watch, after a while I start getting stares from the moms, wondering if I'm "that creepy guy" watching their kids. one time a mom even came up to me to ask why I was there. I was really torn about saying "fuck off you bitch" but I didn't feel getting arrested so I pointed to my kids and waved and they waved back, so she was satisfied that I had a good reason to be there and left me alone.
     
  15. B00M

    B00M I speak of peace while covert enmity

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    meh that matters less...
     
  16. AsperGirl

    AsperGirl New Member

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    Wow, that sucks. It can catch you off guard, losing that recognition and status. The fact is that it does change how people treat you, and it's hard to not let it affect your self-image.
     
  17. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    Is he against you working or going back to school? If not what is stopping you :dunno:
     
  18. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    I think you resent him because he was so irresponsible with the bills that it forced you to have to quit your job to cover for his laziness. I don't think you should feel bad for feeling the way you do right now, it seems completely justified to me :dunno:

    If he is that successful then there is no reason he couldn't have paid someone to do those things for him. You shouldn't have had to give up your dreams just because he wasn't able to handle adult responsibilities.

    I'm sure you could easily afford to pay someone to do those things now for you so you could get back into work asap. Take a look at your budget and eliminate a few unnecessary things like dinners out to make room for it.

    There's nothing wrong with admitting that neither of you are good at handling both a demanding career and all the household chores/bills. It sounds like you are both smart people and you have more important things to spend your time on. There are plenty of people out there who will be happy to do those chores for you cheaply so that you have the time and energy to focus on what you really want to do.

    One of the main reasons I want to make lots of money is so that I can afford to never have to do annoying things like cleaning the bathtub, dishes or vacuuming ever again :mamoru:
     
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2009
  19. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    I'm confused. I just don't see how it's possible that not paying bills required you to quit your job. I think there just must be more to the story than this.
     
  20. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

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    Have you umm...talked to your HUSBAND about it (not your jealousy but your desire to work again)?
     
  21. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I think that if your husband has such a great carreer you could most likely afford someone to do the household for you. Meanwhile why don't you join his company and do your outmost best in a different department so that you can be together but not in eachothers way. That way you won't have the feeling of being left out so much. I think that you made the right choice to arrange things in a setting so that you would create a healthy household, but there's no reason why you cannot arrange even more so that you will also have a healthy career, don't allow yourself to be left out, take steps to take your life back in your own hands in order to create your own carreer.
     
  22. darkjedi

    darkjedi Muay Thai expert

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    Forget about school... Think about what interests you the most and not mind doing on a day to day basis for the rest of your life. what is your passion?

    Start a business out of it.
     
  23. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    maybe you should get a book about a life change/career change and pursue soemthing.
    http://www.amazon.com/Pathfinder-Ch...UTF8&coliid=ICZQYMT58M63M&colid=2FF55VKJHIFO4
    http://www.amazon.com/Do-What-You-A...TF8&coliid=I1EOGKLOPKQONB&colid=2FF55VKJHIFO4

    Only if your considering changing your career because of the workload. Otherwise you could just send out your resume and only apply for stuff that is part-time or work from home.

    I also totally agree with the other poster about volunteering. Or make a list of things you would love to do and do them...many of us don't get to enjoy lives because we get so caught up to the 9-5...so enjoy this time and try to make the best of it.

    I'm also a little jealous of my BF and his career success because I struggle, but I think it's normal and I'm really proud of him too.
     
  24. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    If he's making that kind of bank, then if you got a job too you could definitely afford to hire a housekeeping service and eat out a couple days a week. That will greatly reduce the domestic workload.
     

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