SRS help: going to "close the deal" and ask my classmate for her fone #...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by chickentendah, Mar 8, 2006.

  1. chickentendah

    chickentendah New Member

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    but from my past experiences i learned that it's MISSION FAILURE to ask for the # (even if she gives it to you):

    1) if you don't make a lasting impression during the conversation...
    2) if you don't leave her wanting more...
    3) if you don't give her a compelling reason to meet with you outside of your current context...

    I used to bluntly end conversations with a simple "what's your fone #", and jump for joy upon receiving the digits. Reality hit me, and I learned later that fone #'s mean jack s**t! It's all about how much she's interested.

    SO, having that in mind...........I have this classmate that I'm barely acquainted with......familiarity is there thanks to classtime.....greetings are there.......all that's left is my job to generate good conversation and to close the deal (because Winter Quarter is almost over)

    Here's my question:

    What are some tried-and-true "reasons" to give a girl before asking her for her contact info? I want to be direct, but i don't want to come-on strong. My goal here is to be friends with this gal, because she seems cool.

    I was thinking of just telling her straight up that I'd like to casually meet up for lunch............is that coming on too strong? i realize that she may or may not have a boyfriend, but i think that should not matter. I'm just trying to make a new friend here.

    help! thanks!!

    :noes:
     
  2. johan

    johan Active Member

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    concern yourself less with form and technique and instead become the thing she wants to be around.

    If you become that, the phone number becomes trivial. Her wanting to hang around you, as friends or as more, also becomes trivial.

    Move beyond form, beyond 'doing' and into 'being'.


    Stated more plainly, there's nothing wrong with either approach. If she's interested, you can just ask for the number, and it'll be fine. If you're so concerned about "being her friend" why don't you do just that? Be her friend. You don't need a phone number to be someone's friend, do you?

    You claim to have realized that a phone number means nothing if she's not interested, and then go on to ask how to get someone's contact info.
    ???? what's up with that?

    Just take your own advice. Try befriending her first.


    PS I realize you think you're running out of time but today is March 8th. I figure you've got around 3 weeks of classes left. That means you've lot probably between 6 to 12ish more times you're going to see her. Isn't that enough? Hell,2 or 3 times should be enough small chit-chat to see if there's a mutual interest going on. Certainly enough to say "hey, you busy after this class? wanna head to the ainsley bldg for pizza"

    If you've assessed the mutual interest part correctly...it's a done deal.
     
  3. chickentendah

    chickentendah New Member

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    that's the most down-to-earth advice i've ever heard...and i want to follow it because deep down i know its true

    it's pretty much the same thing what one of my socially successfull friends told m to do: throw all the friggin "rules" and "techniques" out the window because there are no rules.....everybody is unique.....and just focus on doing what you gotta do

    it's so hard to discard all those "rules and techniques" that i've grown comfortable with simply because i've used them as a crutch for the longest time.....i used to be a super shy introvert who couldn't even handle eye contact....now im just the un-natural and rough-edged extrovert that ladies get suspicious of


    Sooooooo.......johan, i have 5 more classes to chat with this lady........how do i BECOME a friend within 5 classes? i realize the question again implies that there's some sort of rule which there is not.....but do u have more specific guidelines i could follow for the sake of urgency?
     
  4. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Well I think the best thing is to concentrate on being yourself, assuming that "yourself" is a desireable commodity.

    If that's true, then you just need to talk a bit to her, and the attraction will take care of things from there.

    If it isn't true, then I think you should put some effort into making the concept of "yourself" into something desireable and better.

    All sorts of good things happen, and not just girl-related. Your self-esteem improves, your professional life improves, everything improves.

    However....if you want a template to use....consider the following.

    So, 5 classes left. That's 5 hours of sitting next to her, and it don't cost you a thing.

    So start off sitting next to her. Now something makes me think you might scare her, so here's the slow version:

    Class 1: sit next to her. Make eye contact, smile. Remember, remain cool, don't stare, DO NOT CREEP HER OUT, do not act like a stalker, don't follow her out of class. In fact, pack up, smile, say 'see ya' and walk out BEFORE her.

    Class 2: same as Class 1. You need to appear friendly and approachable, but NOT interested. And I still have this idea you might like to stalk her. So resist that urge with all your might. Leave before her.

    Class 3: try some small talk. I'm still not convinced you're not a stalker, so maybe avoid any 'power' moves on her. You could ask her an honest question about the subject matter. If she's at all interested, she will talk to you.

    Class 4: talk more to her. This is where you need to really figure out if she thinks you're a weird creepy guy, or a decent guy who she might like to be friends with. Talk to her. If you're getting good indicators of interest, great.
    Tell her your name. She'll tell you hers. Normal people shake hands at this point. Unless you creep her out. Find out now.

    Class 5: Hey how's it going Clarissa. Some talk ensues. Hey, some friends are getting together after this class for pizza. You should come! If she says no, shrug it off. No problem, see ya later.

    Now, I don't know you, but obviously you could accelerate the timetable here. Ask her by Class 3. It all depends on the body language you're getting back from her. If it's positive, I'd say go for it earlier.

    All the action happens in Class 3, 4, 5 in my example, because I am getting you to slow down, to establish intent and demonstrate to her that you're not a stalker/creep. However, if that isn't necessary, then it could just as easily be done in 1, 2, 3.

    It's all up to you, how approachable you are, how relaxed you are, how confident and friendly you are.
     
  5. 98formyws6

    98formyws6 New Member

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    you make some good tips there (for the 5 week plan) but i also read you should 'seal the deal' right away or else you will get 'friendzoned'...you could always go the 'so how'd you do on the test' (something along those lines) route, then ask to study...makes your intent clear yet not stalkerish or inappropriate
     
  6. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    Except for one thing. If you ask her to study, and she's not interested in you outside of the "studying" realm, she's going to accept and expect STUDYING. It becomes all that much more akward if you then try to put a move on her during a study session.
     
  7. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Personally I think its a waste of time to ask her to "study" when you've no intention of doing so.
    You only ask that because you're too afraid to ask for the REAL thing, i.e. social contact, so you fake scholarly contact.

    Sure a study date could transform into the real thing, but come on, you're not 15 anymore, the whole point of this exercise was to learn to fly among adults in the real world.

    So I laid out a simple progression that 1) establishes you're not a stalker, 2) establishes friendly intent, 3) asks her to a social occasion.

    Learn to smile and be friendly and become a cool guy. It's not hard to have a girl walk over with you after class, meet some friends, and sit around bsing for an hour.

    If she's interested, the hook is in. If she's not interested...there's really no point in any voodoo, mumbo-jumbo to disguise to real you so that she becomes interested in a fake, pretend version of you.

    Always be yourself. If the "real you" isn't too savoury, work on that.

    Polish your character. Improve yourself. Do it for you. The girls are secondary and that part takes care of itself once you start improving YOU.
     

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