Help from the ladies here (assuming this is the right place)

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Filmboy44, Jan 11, 2005.

  1. Filmboy44

    Filmboy44 Guest

    I am looking for some insight to my situation here. I'm figuring this is the right place for it so I'll give it a shot

    my problem comes after the first date :sad2: I have no problem meeting attractive women and exchanging phone numbers. What seems to be the issue is the 2nd date, which is troubling to get. I don't knwo what it is and I've even sat down with some of my female friends to see what they think and they have said that I might be intimidating these girls :dunno: but they said that I come off as confident and know what I want...along with being well dressed and attractive, they said that it can be intimidating...one on one

    I'm completely thinkign the opposite at this point, there has to be something that is driving them away. I mean I call for a 2nd date a day later or two depending on our first date, I tell them I had a good time (assuming they did too) and find out if they wanna go out another weekend...I usually get the Vmail and they never call back. I used to think "fine, whatever" btu now its annoying me.

    I tried to anaylize what I'm doign on these dates, but nothing out of the ordinary to make them think I"m weird or somethign. I make them laugh, I compliment them, but not too much were its geeky...I'll say "you look dapper" or something like that to make them laugh...and I'll make them feel comfortable most importantly....

    I get all the signs of a good date too, the touchin of the arm, the chemistry, the smiles and the looks, and teh conversation is usually great....but WTF!!! They don't call back :(

    anything I can be overlooking???? :hs:
     
  2. Jaccordan

    Jaccordan Guest

    :dunno: mayeb your dating girls that arnt inyour league?


    Maybe you shouldnt try dating so much. Find girls and start off as friends and get to know them and let them get to know you. When they hang out with you out of a dating enviroment they are more relaxed and comfortable and act more like themselves.

    They last couple girls i have dated started off as friends. We would meet but i woudnt come on to them at all. I would let them see how i am and how i act and let them form an opinion.


    When you go out on dates, people will act on how you present yourself on that day and that day only. After that first date, they have already formed tehir opinioon on you you and act accordingly to it.
     
  3. Filmboy44

    Filmboy44 Guest


    can't do that really. my friends are so limited right now because of work, I dont' have time to meet girls like that.

    There is ONE girl that Ive always had a thing for and she is in teh "circle" sortra...but I haven' tbeen hanging out with that circle for a while. She had a thign for 2 of my friends and they blew her off...but I like her and see her from time to time as she works at a restaurant I frequent..

    I dunno if I should approach her or not, and if so, how???

    but I see what yuou're saying, get to know a girl before asking her out, this girl already knows my personality and we got along plenty before...so who knows...:dunno: worth a shot I guess


    oh and BTW, I am not sure if I have a "leauge" I think of myself in...I can get along with anyone and fit in with most people...

    but if you mean out of my league being I'm going for girls too high, probably not...I've dated high horse girls before...and Id on't go for them
     
  4. Jaccordan

    Jaccordan Guest

    You misunderstood me :hs:

    im saying maybe your not going for girls in yoru league and maybe the girls your going for arnt good enough for you. They may think your too his class for them based on how you described yourself. Or may be intimidated by you.



    I've had my share of flings with girls and its always been because we started off on a "date" type level. girls i have had serious relationships with have always came from being acquaintences and letting this progress naturally. Basically what im tryig to say is that if its meant to happen and it feels right, it will happen.


    Dating is like forcing yoruself to be with someone. And if you dont feel comfortable or ready te, it will pass you by.
     
  5. armond

    armond New Member

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    Perhaps you are too much of a nice guy? I dunno, maybe as Jaccordan said, you are in what they perceive as a higher level? Although I really do not believe in that stuff, but a lot of people do, especially women.

    On asking a girl out, you are better off trying and failing than not trying and never knowing. At least in the worst case scenario she wasn't interested.
     
  6. Dr. Kenneth Noisewater

    Dr. Kenneth Noisewater New Member

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    Easy enough to approach this girl. Girls tend to like it when you're forward with them. Next time you go into the restaurant, go say hi to her. Try to do it when she isn't too busy, and you can chat for a few moments, and say something like "listen, I've always had a little bit of a 'thing' for you, and I'd like for us to go out some time". When you say this, have a hint of a smile on your face and look her in the eyes. If she's interested in you at all then she'll eat this up.

    If there's a connection when you do go out with her, you shouldn't have a problem getting another date with her since you've already known her for a while.

    Good luck, bro.
     
  7. Filmboy44

    Filmboy44 Guest


    I will try this :)
     
  8. Dr. Kenneth Noisewater

    Dr. Kenneth Noisewater New Member

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    Oh, and this may be kind of lame, but it could work: When you're out with one of these girls, if you really do think the date went well, try to do something that would be a good excuse to HAVE to see her again. For example, when I was out with this chick Saturday night, we were talking about music and some CDs that she had. I was like "oh, I really want to get that CD". She actually suggested that I borrow a few of her CDs so that I could make copies of them. If you do this and the girl doesn't suggest it, you could just say "hey, do you mind if I borrow that CD so I can make a copy?" Then when you call her back in the next day or 2 you can say "I think we should get together later this week. I mean, I do need to give you back your CD." If a chick was intimidated by you, this could help her get past it since she does need to get her CD back.

    Badabing badaboom. :wiggle:
     
  9. Filmboy44

    Filmboy44 Guest

    :hs: Thanks for the suggestion but I'll take my chances otherwise :o
     
  10. Spaulding Smails

    Spaulding Smails Real Estate Guru

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    Presuming you are at a functioning social level:

    You can make convo
    You can make her laugh
    You can have fun together

    The other biggest thing to show interest is the kiss...IME, you HAVE to get the first kiss in, or they write you off as uninterested, spineless, etc. depending on how they interpret the situation....

    So presuming you have skills in the hookup department, make sure you show them the first date...I've never been blown off by a girl i've kissed on the first date, those that i didn't for whatever reason have not generally worked out well....

    just my $.02
     
  11. shangrilarcadia

    shangrilarcadia A lady

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    It's really hard to say since we aren't there on the actual dates. Three things jump to mind though:

    1. Instead of calling later and getting voicemail, why don't you ask her out at the end of the first date. Or, if you are uncomfortable with that, at least plant the seed of a second date (ie, bring up the subject of movies, and then when you call her say "i was wondering if you'd like to go see [insert movie that she mentioned] sometimes").

    2. You see very confident in yourself, which is great, but one thing that often happens with confident people is that they tend to focus on themselves, and the convo is very onesided (when this happens, they think the convo is great, but the other person thinks it sucks). Do you think you might be doing that? The convo at dinner should be 50-50 - you have to ask questions, listen to her response, and ask follow up questions, in addition to telling her about yourself. You should be talking/listening equally or else the convo is lopsided, and lopsided (in either direction) can turn girls off.

    3. Are you sure you're choosing the right girls to approach? I don't mean 'leauge' wise, but personality wise (aka, if you're a 'geeky' type person and you're finding a girl at a 'wild' tpye bar, that's probably not going to work once you start talking in depth, etc).

    :dunno:
     
  12. sounds more like you are a cocky sob who likes to toot his own horn. :p
     
  13. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    COOK HER DINNER! It'll almost definatly get you sex.
     
  14. Filmboy44

    Filmboy44 Guest

    all very good assumptions. I'll comment 1 by 1.

    this I do sometimes, but I like to let the date and her thoughts marinate a little before calling. I don't like to pressure her into another date before this one is over, I have a life too and shehas to realize that :p

    No, I was aware I was doing that early on and have corrected the problem. Some girls asked way too many questions about me and I didn't have time to ask them, so I'll say "enough abotu me, what abotu you" and swing it that way

    good thought, but I usually approach girls I know I'll be able to connect with. I'm not geeky by any means, I'm a fun going guy with morals and respect for myself. I stay away from the party harty girls, but approach the girls that like to ahve a little fun from time to time.

    I honestly don't think that its me approaching the wrong girls really...its gotta be something else

    tonight I'm grabbing coffee with a girl that liked me about 3 years ago, but I was with someone....I ran across her email when I was cleaningout my inbox and I sent her an email asking how she was and if she wanted to get coffee...so this can be an experiement in its own I suppose.

    I'll let you guys know what happens exactly, as she is in the same situation many other girls are...which is agreed to go for a drink based on appearance and not personality as I've never really "talked" to this girl...so we'll see :x:
     
  15. BiffHenderson

    BiffHenderson New Member

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    Seems like a somewhat odd situation. From what you've said, it sounds like you're doing everything right....
     
  16. Filmboy44

    Filmboy44 Guest


    yea....dry spell I guess
     
  17. BiffHenderson

    BiffHenderson New Member

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    How many women has this happened with?
     
  18. Filmboy44

    Filmboy44 Guest


    7 :hs:
     
  19. shangrilarcadia

    shangrilarcadia A lady

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    I don't see it as pressure, or as saying you have no life. I see it as taking advantage of the momentum you already have going, and as you showing interest in her... If I was on a first date with a guy and at the end he was like "wanna do this again sometime" and I didn't think I wanted to see him again, I would say something along the lines of "maybe, why don't you call me and we'll figure something out" to politely get out of the situation, (I would have turned him down eventually anyways), whereas if I did think I wanted to see him again, I would say "deffinately" and either schedule a time then or plan to call to schedule a specific time. My point is, if she is interested and you ask her while you're on the date, she should not be turned off, and if she isn't interested, I don't think she'll make herself say yes just because she is pressured.... And you're saying you would like to see her again sometime, not that you have nothing else to do. It doesn't say at all that you have no life.

    So you know that this is something that you have to be really conscious about. You need to be really careful that you are asking just as many questions as she asks you. And it is not enough that you ask her questions, you also have to actively listen to her responses and pose followup questions or comments to show you are listening. A lot of times people will ask you a question thinking it's enough that they just asked, but if they don't really listen then it is practically pointless.

    There is nothing wrong with with having morals and respect for yourself. There is also nothign wrong with being a geek (I think everyone has a little geek in them if you look hard enough). You say you know you'll be able to connect with them. What makes you know that? What is it when you meet a girl that makes you say 'that would be a great girl for me' besides the fact you are physically attracted to her?

    Let us know how it goes.
     
  20. BiffHenderson

    BiffHenderson New Member

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    Well, there goes my "law of averages" theory.

    Keep us posted on the coffee girl. :bigthumb:
     
  21. Filmboy44

    Filmboy44 Guest

    agreed. I like that approach



    no I know exactly what you mean, I do listen and will be very interested in hearing what she has to say and will laugh along with what she says anda ll that...i'm a good listener :)



    Well I like to think that I have a pretty good idea of a person just looking at how they hold themselves and how they dress and their manorisms and even who they are hanging around. If I'm attracted to a girl, the first thing I will notice is her dress and hair style. What does that tell me about the girl, and what is she trying to say with her style. I will also notice her friends, are her friends also well kept and attractive? If so then she knows what her environment is and surrounds herself with nice people. There is a lot I take notice of before approaching a girl so I know what I'm getting into first and foremost...


    8pm tonight :x:

    thanks for all your insight BTW
     
  22. Filmboy44

    Filmboy44 Guest

    stood up :wtc:
     
  23. BiffHenderson

    BiffHenderson New Member

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    Oh man...that's not cool. Sorry to hear that. [​IMG]
     
  24. Filmboy44

    Filmboy44 Guest

    I went at 7:45...sat down and looked around. Its mostly gays that go to this coffee shop so there were some gays lurking about....it comes across 8pm and I'm getting anxious for her to show up....8:15......nothing.......8:30 I bolted...


    I get an email asking for a reschedule...should I?
     
  25. shangrilarcadia

    shangrilarcadia A lady

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    I'm sorry to hear that you got stood up. :(

    What time did she send the email and did she give a reason?
     

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