LGBT Help for a Confused Guy

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by NOVAJock, Jan 31, 2009.

  1. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2002
    Messages:
    15,260
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Nowhere in particular
    I was asked to post this anonymously for someone. Any help or suggestions for him?

     
  2. geniks

    geniks king of the hill

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2007
    Messages:
    1,143
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Charlotte NC
    Try sucking cock is my suggestion.. maybe you'll like it?
     
  3. dude101

    dude101 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2006
    Messages:
    1,907
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    long island
    i dont see a problem with wacking off to gay porn...thats just something that floats your boat :dunno:...in my opinion i wouldnt classify you as gay or bi being your attraction is not towards dude's but at the sight of gaymansex and the cock etc being you still have that physical and emotional attraction to women..

    but on a side note...this attraction towards man sex and the cock might lead to you having the urge to experiment with men later on in life "if you ask me that is"...

    thats just my 2% on how i feel on this matter..
     
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2009
  4. philvia

    philvia SUCKIN ON MY TITTIES LIKE YOU WANTIN ME CALLIN ME

    Joined:
    May 3, 2007
    Messages:
    11,619
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NYC
    anonymous posts on the internet
     
  5. novo

    novo Pokey Man OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2005
    Messages:
    41,201
    Likes Received:
    21
    Location:
    Low Haight
    sounds like me @ 18


    just go with what feels right and be honest with yourself and the people who care for you.
     
  6. audrey

    audrey New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2005
    Messages:
    2,542
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Down Under
    Don't try and define and limit yourself. Just go with the flow.
     
  7. PanasonicYouth

    PanasonicYouth New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2008
    Messages:
    424
    Likes Received:
    0
    This.

    You are who you are, you're not a category.
     
  8. Matitulo

    Matitulo If sexy never left then why is everybody on my shi

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2006
    Messages:
    1,028
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bay Area
    You've been out of high school for a year and a half, so I'm guessing you're in college. Now's the time to get rid of all your previous notions of what you liked and start experimenting I'd say next step would be to see if an emotional attraction to a male is possible (in the same way you're attracted to females).
     
  9. Victoriono

    Victoriono New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2007
    Messages:
    131
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    London
    Watch a lot of porn?
    If you started watching straight porn and now watches gay porn, maybe you're just an escalated porn addict. It's just like a drug, you need more and more to achieve the same high, hence why you are now becoming aroused to gay porn.
     
  10. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2002
    Messages:
    15,260
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Nowhere in particular
    Responses from anonymous poster:

    Responses from anonymous poster:

    No, I'm not at college. It's a long story about why not actually. I've also never had a girlfriend (despite my best efforts I've always been horribly nervous around girls I liked to the point of having panic attacks) but I've had gay guys who have been openly attracted to me and it made me feel appreciated. (but that could just be that i just wanted to be liked by someone) Also, I grew up in a household with only women and never had an older male or father figure in my life if that makes a difference?

    I do. However it's not the same high, it's much better. However I was very into some pretty kinky stuff before I switched to gay porn. I've been watching a lot more porn since I haven't really been having social interactions with anyone over the past number of months.

    I don't know anything about myself. I'm not sure about anything It's like everything I've ever thought about anything is completely in flux. I also don't really have anyone who I would consider cares for me. I haven't had heard the words I love you probably since I was 12. Part of the reason I think I'm so starved for affection I'll take it wherever it comes from, I have no clue.
     
  11. geniks

    geniks king of the hill

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2007
    Messages:
    1,143
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Charlotte NC
    I suggest trying both, and see what you like better. Nobody has to know your private business, or anything about your sex life.
     
  12. Anon poster, IM me later. :hs:
     
  13. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2002
    Messages:
    15,260
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Nowhere in particular
    Update

    An Update:

     
  14. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2002
    Messages:
    15,260
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Nowhere in particular
    Right now, I think you're going through the same thing that a lot of us went through when we were your age.

    I also think you're putting A LOT of pressure and stress on yourself in trying to figure out whether or not you're gay or straight. Sometimes when we do that, we make the confusion much worse than just letting things happen and not trying to rationalize things in your head.

    Sometimes, in order to accomplish self-discovery, you need to let time take it's course, rather than trying to force it to give you the answers you require.

    I also feel that paranoia is rearing its ugly head here as well because of what has been in-grained in you in terms of what you think your life is supposed to be - with a wife, kids, white picket fence etc.

    Regardless of whether or not you are gay or straight, you can have all of that. Don't beat yourself up because society says this is how things should be, and you feel that you are a different way.

    You are who you are - and while you may not want to be gay....you may not have a choice. If you try and force self-repression of any gay tendencies / desires you may have, you may be creating a much larger problem years down the road.

    I've seen gay guys who tried to repress who they truly were, got married, had a couple kids, and they are now spending their lives in misery, addicted to drugs and alcohol because they don't have the balls or the guts to accept who they are, and can't bear to think about revealing it to their family.

    As far as the whole dildo thing...so what. So you bought a couple dildos and enjoy playing around with them. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that, regardless of whether you are straight, gay, bi, black, white, or pink with red polka-dots. There are A LOT of straight guys that enjoy anal play, whether it's with themselves, or their wives using a strap-on.

    In summary, ease up on yourself, and give yourself a bit of a break. More importantly, give yourself time to grow and learn who you are over time. Don't force it.

    Remember one thing: there is someone out there for you, regardless of whether you are gay or straight....and that person will love you for who you are, will compliment and enrich your life, and want the same things you do in terms of settling down and building a life with you.
     
  15. DouggieJ

    DouggieJ OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2007
    Messages:
    8,126
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York, NY USA
    I think you're overanalyzing the situation.

    Don't be concerned about labels, or what other people might think. Just do what comes naturally, what you want to do. If you're in a situation where you want to (and can) make out with a guy you like, go for it. Likewise, if you're in a situation where you've got the opportunity to do the same with a girl, go for it.

    Eventually, you'll get it sorted.
     
  16. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2001
    Messages:
    78,928
    Likes Received:
    71
    Location:
    Western MA
    Wow... this was so me at 22. My god... it's like I'm reading my own diary...

    Sad thing is that I stayed in the closet, fighting these panic attacks (and gaining about 60 pounds because every time I thought about it, I suppressed it with food) until I decided to get control of my life at 26 years old.

    I'm not going to tell you what you are, because that's for you to determine.

    But, I will tell you to see a therapist and talk through these feelings. The therapist will help you immediately with the panic attacks. And over time, the therapist will be able to help you sort out all these feelings.

    As I'm sure you know, therapy is nothing to be ashamed of or afraid of. Therapists are objective individuals who are there to help you work through these confusing feelings.

    Please consider it.

    In the meantime, don't stress about giving youself a lable. And don't worry about not having that "American Dream" future. Trust me on this one point: Your future has the potential to be wonderful as long as you keep in mind that it doesn't matter who you fall in love with (man or woman), it only matters that you are loved. And if you find someone who has a joyful heart and loving arms and caring eyes... and the heart, arms and eyes are directed at you... well... that's the most wonderful thing in the world. And you'll come to understand that your dream is still there... it's just a bit different because you and your beloved may happen to share similar plumbing.

    BIG HUGS
     
  17. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2007
    Messages:
    1,057
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hmm. One question, do you watch/enjoy transgender porn? Shemale or w/e? I saw you said you were attracted to cock, but not men, does that mean you dont find male bodies attractive? You could POSSIBLY be overthinking this a little bit, but I'm not sure. The best way to find out is through experimentation.
     
  18. XPX

    XPX New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2002
    Messages:
    12,074
    Likes Received:
    0
    I've read that before...in this forum or maybe teh asylum


    I'm exactly there, spent a week out of the country and gave a lot of thought about my new gf and how I didn't feel it was right, I'm not in love with her and I don't wanna fuck her and kissing her is kind of a duty...I do not enjoy it.

    I decided to stop it, at least I tried, got a gorgeous girl to be my girlfriend and I can't stand it, two days ago I told myself "I'm gay, there is no doubt now" and last night I told my closest friends who have been helping me deal with this for almost 2 years...they were not shocked, my gay friend told me he knew but he chose to not say a word to let me find it myself, they kinda hugged me and told me I'd be fine. I told them I felt good and had a blast.

    This is who I am, now begins the process of letting myself explore, let a good guy join me and when I'm finally ready I'll tell my parents...I think they know but they probably want a confirmation.

    Use this to help yourself, if gay porn, cock, dating guys feel right, if you are eager to jump in bed with a guy I'm almost sure you have some gay in you...lol

    It is not that bad, don't let others talk you down.

    See this as the lowest you can go, now you can finally accept yourself, embrace your sexuality and have good fun (safe fun, please)...
     
  19. TheMustafa

    TheMustafa hook 'em

    Joined:
    May 21, 2003
    Messages:
    11,001
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Austin, Tx
    I'm not really sure why OP is so concerned about if/why friends, family, etc think he is gay. I know it feels like everyone is looking at you and judging you constantly, but you need to realize that no one really gives a shit and you are just projecting your own current insecurities about yourself onto them. No one really cares that much, and absolutely no one cares as much as you do right now. "Those that mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

    Sit back, relax, smoke a bowl, and realize that regardless of whether you prefer to fuck girls or guys, your life will eventually be happy, fulfilling, and good. Stop putting pressure on yourself and relax; the point isnt some end goal (ie a picket-fence house in the suburbs), the point is the journey along the way. At this point, meet people, experiment a little, and decide what you like and dont like. Figure yourself out a little bit.
     
  20. XPX

    XPX New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2002
    Messages:
    12,074
    Likes Received:
    0
    The key is to completely ignore the vibe you might give to people as long you are happy being who you are...and this is not only sex related.

    Since the show "The Big bang theory" started everyone...and when I say everyone I mean EVERYONE (including family) say I'm exactly like Sheldon, not only personality wise but we look alike too, I'm picky and have some mannerisms exactly like he does. I'm not that geeky but I have some personality traits that people find interesting and really out there....do I care? No.

    As long you are not offending anyone you have to be cool with who you are in order to boost your self steem and confidence. If you look like a girl you can either embrace it or do something you like to improve your looks...I'm skinny so I hit the gym so I'm not too skinny but I like who I am. You should do too.

    Don't stress over what people think about you, they probably don't spend their lives doing that, why would you? Take their criticisms with a pinch of sugar and fix what's wrong and ignore what feels good for you. At work I was a bit cranky sometimes, people commented it once and I fixed it, now they literally love me and that has opened a lot of doors. But when they comment that I put too much time on my car...or cleaning things...or running...I ignore that, that is not positive criticism hence I ignore it.
     
  21. 007

    007 Riden, sliden, whipin and dippin, my chrome strips

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2002
    Messages:
    1,653
    Likes Received:
    0
    buy a tranny prostitute off eros.com.
     
  22. dallasfan824

    dallasfan824 New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2008
    Messages:
    840
    Likes Received:
    0
  23. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2004
    Messages:
    12,343
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland ; the land of Mary's...
    Wow, what a thread... (I've been away too long.) First, you shouldn't be so rushed to label yourself. You have already stated that you developed slower than most of your peers, so take all of the time that you need in self-discovery. Some of the best meals would be ruined if they didn't cook slowly; let yourself simmer, let your flavors really get the time they need to intensify, and I'm certain that when someone does get to eat you it will be that much more worth it. :smile:

    In Queer Theory, we state that sexuality is not determined by who we have sex with but rather who we are emotionally attracted to. I can get any dick hard (str8 or gay), and if the situation was correct I could get any man to fuck me (str8 or gay). However, getting a str8 man to fall for me is a whole other thing... Don't be too stressed out over exploring what interests you.

    And listen to Sam--go talk to a therapist! (Good) Therapists are amazing!!
     
  24. make sure it is a good therapist, i had a bad one, a real bible belt type and it only made my situation worse... it set me back a couple years before i could really find out who i was.. heck i am still trying to do that, going through what you are... you're not alone on this one.
     
  25. Konowl

    Konowl New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2003
    Messages:
    208
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hey, I'm 30 and I'm only just starting to think that I've been completley wrong with what I thought I had figured out. I'm a super confident guy, queer, known it for a while, but have had one boyfriend in 10+ years, and haven't had one in 5.

    No idea why either.

    Anyways, back to your problem.... go with the flow, experiment, see what you like.
     

Share This Page