LGBT Help an Closeted OTer out (V. Anonymous)

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by Sam Gamgee, Feb 5, 2010.

  1. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    I got this pm from an OTer. He has asked me to make an anonymous thread for him to ask some questions and get some support.

    My first response would be to search through this subforum because this question has been asked many times. And you might get some good advice just searching back on some threads.

    This question gets asked in here several times a year, so the information you need is in the forum.
     
  2. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    Coming out is a very personal issue that involves self growth, confidence and a little bit of "Sense of pride" in yourself.

    Nobody can really tell you how or when to come out. Everyone is different.

    For me, my father asked me right up front one night if I was gay, because he never knew me to date women.

    At the time, I was in a relationship with a guy that I loved very much - to the point that I felt I could shout from the roof tops, that this is my partner, this is who I'm in love with, and I'm happy.

    So with that feeling - I said "yes, I am gay." Had I not been in that relationship, or felt that sense of pride and comfort in myself, I may have denied it at that time.

    However, since then, I have lived my life with the following creed, or belief: I don't advertise I'm gay - I don't need to. Most people have no clue that I'm gay. However, if you have the balls to come up to me and ask me, and I feel that my life isn't in danger, I won't deny that I'm gay.

    Hope this helps somehow. :hug:
     
  3. D-FENS

    D-FENS New Member

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    I found a good way to bring it up is if you can steer the conversation toward the topic of being able to tell if people are gay, and asking if they pick up on you. For me, that was the topic at the time, and I just asked my friend "do you consider yourself to have a good gaydar? / did it pick up on me? / surprise I'm bi"
     
  4. elevator

    elevator The tenants think it's wonderful! ヽ(´ OT Supporter

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    Why are you closeted on OT? Do you know people IRL who poast here?

    First thing to do is accept yourself. Once you have done that, get in a position of independance. If your parents fly off the handle when you tell them, you could be kicked out (they'll regret it later or they might not kick you out at all, but you need a place to go just in case).

    When I told my parents, I said "Okay, I need to tell you something... the last thing I want to do is dissapoint you or hurt you... I'm gay" Pretty simple. My dad said okay and he wished I had told him earlier so he could be there for me. My mom asked me if I was sure... mom is a religious, sarah-palin-lovin, gun tote'n conservative - she said I was "still her baby boy" :hs:

    It took me a while to get this:
    Don't be ashamed of who you are. You are not wrong.

    Good luck!
     
  5. D-FENS

    D-FENS New Member

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    when I told my mom, I was home visiting for xmas break, she asked if I had any girlfriends out at school, I said no, and by the way I'm bi so don't be surprised if i ever have a boyfriend. She said shes fine with it, and I pointed out that with how many times she's gotten a call from the police because of me, I figured there's no way she'd be bothered by who im sleeping with.
     
  6. qwop

    qwop underground pirate OT Supporter

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    I told my mum when I was 20, and then she told the rest of my family for me. Nearly everyone's been cool and supportive of me, although you get a few comments from time to time (such a waste etc) but it's because they're not thinking through what they're actually saying.

    I lost two of my close friends from childhood who couldn't deal with it - one of whom wanted to date me and couldn't handle that I swung the other way...and one who is also gay but can't seem to handle the whole coming out process and is apparently quite jealous of the fact that I have.

    If you want to be out, coming out never really stops because you're always meeting new people and you have to tell them too. I think that I look quite obviously gay, but it's surprising how the thought doesn't cross a lot of people's minds. I once got outed, and it was horrific - so now I always bite the bullet and when I go to a new workplace, area to live etc, I try and sound out if I think someone's ok and then I drop it into conversation...and I just keep talking to give the person time to take it in and not have to react.

    Everything's been fine for me so far, and me coming out has led to someone else at work coming out, after being closeted at work for about a decade and they're much happier now too. So that's good.
     
  7. D-FENS

    D-FENS New Member

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    IMO once you do it it's really not a big deal. I mean it was talked about quite a bit when I first came out, since people were surprised that I (being the ultra manly man of our group) could be gay, but now that it's been a few months and everyones asked all their questions, it really doesn't come up unless we're talking about relationships or sex, everyone treats me just the same as they always did.
     
  8. XPX

    XPX New Member

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    In the end most parents always know....or at least suspect.
    They were young people too and they know what's going in your head...you may not seem gay now but maybe in the past something raised a red flag and they decided to ignore it.
    Tell them only if you are comfortable with it.
    Hell, I'm 31 and haven't told them yet....lol....I'm sure they suspect and just need confirmation but I don't feel the need to tell them right now. I'll try it when I have a should to rely on when I tell them if things get sour.
     

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