SRS help a newbie out

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by 94cc0rd, Oct 30, 2007.

  1. 94cc0rd

    94cc0rd New Member

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    Hi. I'm new here in the Asylum. I need help with a girl... or girls in general... I'm a senior in college and have never had a gf or even been on a date... anyways... I'm sort of low on self-esteem when it comes to my physical appearance. I think I can be a fun person to be around, when I'm not nervous about what the girl will think... and that (i think) has been the biggest thing holding me back so far...

    There's a girl in my class and I started talking to her because we both don't know anyone else in the class... I started off by asking her stuff about class and a couple times now I've walked with her out of class until we had to part ways.

    This class ends at 12:30 and I either stay on campus until my next class at 5, or go off campus and meet up with a friend for lunch.

    One day, we were standing in front of a campus restaurant not too far from our classroom and we were talking about the assignment that was coming up. As we figured everything out, I casually asked her if she wanted to get some lunch with me.. She said, "I think i'm just gonna go home".

    This is where I get confused.. was this lunch invitation/rejection enough to stop going after this girl? should I just try to become a friend? or was this situation not "good enough" to tell if there is any interest in me?

    ...

    I'm very new at trying to flirt with girls and I'm really shy... I'm not scared of rejection as much as I used to be but then again, I never really experienced too much of it since I haven't tried much... and it probably is still one of the biggest things holding me back..

    Anyways, I feel like I'm blabbering on and on ... I just want to find out if she has any interest in me and if so, ask her out to dinner or something... and if there is no interest in me as a bf, perhaps make a new close friend or something? someone help :sadwavey:
     
  2. infinite.purple

    infinite.purple New Member

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    Just because she turned you down for lunch doesn't mean it's a definite no. There could be a million reasons for that. What you really need to do is start talking about things other than school. If she doesn't know anything about you, she won't have anything to go off besides your physical appearance which you mentioned being self conscious about. Bring up something you're interested in or ask her about her hobbies. Be sure to listen carefully and pick up on any similarities. Once you know what she's up to outside of class, you'll have more ideas of ways to ask her out or excuses to spend time together without the pressure of a traditional date setting. I personally get kind of scared away when a guy automatically starts out with that. Dinner is high pressure and romantic intentions are assumed. You want to put her in a situation where she's just as unsure of your feelings as you are of hers. I could give some examples, but I'm sure you know what I mean.
     
  3. AlliMae13

    AlliMae13 New Member

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    This is true, just because she said no to lunch doesnt mean she's really not interested.

    You do need to start talking to her about things other than school and classes. Try to get to know her better as a person and not fellow classmate.

    I think you should also try to put your low self esteem aside and just not think about it because if its bothering you, she will be able to see it when you are talking to her.
     
  4. 94cc0rd

    94cc0rd New Member

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    I talked to her some more the other day and she had lost her voice and could barely talk... but she told me she had been out all weekend. Then I kind of just tried to carry on a conversation with her during class but it's hard because the classroom isn't that big and theres only around 50 people in the class.

    Another thing is, I only see her during class and that's only twice a week... I never see her around campus or anywhere else for that matter..
     
  5. kEVOgt350

    kEVOgt350 Like a flashlight on but lost, my energy's there b

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    It's too bad she lost her voice. That's a perfect time to find out what she does during her free time. Always be ready to produce follow up questions that will allow you to find out more about her. Did you find out what she was doing?
     
  6. The Militant

    The Militant THE FUTURE

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    so ask her when you can see her in outside of class

    not meaning going out on a date but just tell her id be cool to chill and talk for more than 2 days a week. simple as that
     
  7. MiniEnglishRose

    MiniEnglishRose New Member

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    I hate to burst your bubble, but I personally think if a girl had any interest in a guy whatsoever, they would stick around for lunch or hang out rather than "just go home." If that girl had to get home for another reason, but really wanted to hang out with him-- she would have explained why she couldn't hang out and said "let's get lunch another day." That's my personal opinion. But in no way should you let this situation define how you feel about yourself and your ability to be with girls. Use every situation as a learning experience (I'm sure you've heard that before-- but it's true!)
     

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