SRS Headed back to AA tonight.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by drunkenkyle, Jul 14, 2009.

  1. drunkenkyle

    drunkenkyle New Member

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    I'm tired of hurting friends and family. I need to fix myself.

    I was sober last winter for about 2 weeks. Went to about 10 meetings or so. Been on a downward spiral since.

    question: 90 in 90... Did any of you guys do this?
     
  2. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    yep...and when I showed up they added, "That means 1 meeting a day for 90 days not 3 meetings a day for 30 days". That helped because I'm like that....I always look for loop holes.

    I actually did about 180 in 90 because I was so miserable and this gave me something to do with my time, even though I felt like I was turned inside out.
     
  3. drunkenkyle

    drunkenkyle New Member

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    That;s gonna be tough...

    but one day at a time.
     
  4. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Well yeah, when I looked at it as a whole, like when I thought about all the 90 days at one time, I got scared and didn't think there was any way I could do it. Also because I had never really been to a meeting before, it scared the shit out of me. I thought by being there for 90 days that there was no way I would ever have control of my mind again....haha kind of like they would brain wash me and I'd never get away.

    Then someone told me, "Look just go and at then end of the 90 days, you can always walk away if you want to." Made sense to me and I tricked myself a lot of times, like I said, "OK I'm going but tomorrow I might not." That kind of simple shit really worked for me.

    Someone also told me, "Look it's not hard to do 90 in 90. You simply show up." That also made sense....it's not like having to solve some complex, complicated engineering problem. It's simple, just show up....one meeting at a time.

    It also helps if you simply commit and stop dwelling on it (the 90 in 90). Just say fuck it....and go and stop focusing on it. Don't count down the days, just take each day one at a time and just go. No matter how you feel, just GO. Even if you think they will figure out what a fraud you are.....GO. Even if you're worried that you'll start crying....GO. Even if you don't want to.....GO. Even if your friends call you and invite you to have dinner.....GO. Even if your gf/bf promises you the best sex EVER......GO.

    You can do all those things after you've knocked out your meeting for the day.

    There were plenty of times I hit a noon meeting so I would get my meeting out of the way and I'd have my night to do what I wanted to do.

    The difficult part is simply not dwelling on it....just keep yourself busy with other shit and go.
     
  5. Pepe

    Pepe New Member

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    best of luck man, hope everything works out
     
  6. drunkenkyle

    drunkenkyle New Member

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    I'm 1 for 1.

    I missed the meeting tonight, and it just so happened that 2 other people had also. So, we took our books out (I still had one from last time) and went outside and had a GREAT meeting. learned a lot!

    Got the 'chair's' number and told me to give him a ring whenever.

    next meeting tomorrow 7:00 pm.
     
  7. Bill The Butcher

    Bill The Butcher Active Member

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    Good luck! I remember your last thread, and telling you to change your username :rofl:
     
  8. drunkenkyle

    drunkenkyle New Member

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    HAHA.. that was you.

    still n page 2
     
  9. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    90 in 90, sponsor, home group, steps. That's the program.
     
  10. drunkenkyle

    drunkenkyle New Member

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    got about 6 peoples numbers tonight at the meeting. Loved this new place.
     
  11. anomaly

    anomaly If you weren't around for the original HA.net spli

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    Do 180 in 90, it won't hurt
     
  12. drunkenkyle

    drunkenkyle New Member

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    can someone explain a home group to me
     
  13. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    There seems to be 2 popular definitions:
    1) When there is an AA meeting in someone's home.
    2) The meeting you consider your most favorite or where you go the most.

    For some people their home group is a home group.

    There's no standard definition but basically those are the two ways in which I've heard it used.
     
  14. Colonel Panic

    Colonel Panic New Member

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    It's where you feel "at home". A place where you are always welcome and have close family. Or, the opposite of a "Home Bar".

    Try to go to different meetings whenever possible. You will find that you gravitate or look forward to several. One of them will eventually become your home group. Sign up and get active. Other members in the group will always be there for you. Also, having several home groups is not uncommon.

    Eventually, meetings turn into a place where you go to learn to live life on life's terms and less about not drinking (cravings fade). It helps you to mature instead of just age.

    Good luck and God Bless - Bob
     
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2009
  15. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    In NA its a group where you join, know people, and be of service, and attend regularly
     
  16. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Wouldn't that be #2 ?
     
  17. drunkenkyle

    drunkenkyle New Member

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    So, I called my "sponsor" and no answer. I feel right now that I need some help badly. So I decided just to write until the urge goes away. I can;t stop shaking and I'm fucking sweating like a mad man.

    I went to a meeting today at the firehouse just north of me. It was a pretty good meeting, learned a lot. BUT, I knew this day would come where I would have no where to turn. I hate having to depend on people on my behalf. I feel guilty. Nothing tramatic has happend to me today, but it's fucking friday, and EVERYONE I know is at the bar right now. I would be three sheets to the wind any other day. Get off work, go to the closest bar, get shit faced, get kicked out, drive to the nearest liquor store, pick up beer or vodka, and continue to get even more drunk. Wake up feelinglike shit, and crack open a bottle of beer first thing in the morning. That's how my life has become over the past 6 years. I know I can't do this by myself, and I know I need help. I'm having a HUGE problem learning to accept a "higher power" into my life. Though I do know that someone or something made me drive to the first meeting in the first place. I was reading the big book earlier and it didn't fucking help at all. It seems like the only place where I find some normalcy is at the meetings. As soon as I left the first meeting I went to, I went home, sat on the computer and all I could think of is how fucking bad I want to drink. So, I looked online and there was a meeting at 10, close to my house. I drove there (prob faster than I should have) and the meeting was not happening. I know I need to get through the night being sober. I know it's not worth it. I already feel a ton better right now. Gonna go take a walk, smoke some cigs and try to get some helkp from my "higher power".

    Thanks
     
  18. drunkenkyle

    drunkenkyle New Member

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    AIM - Eibachcivic
     
  19. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    dont drink no matter what! no emotion will kill you
     
  20. drunkenkyle

    drunkenkyle New Member

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    still sober.

    went to two meetings last night.

    feel awesome today
     
  21. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Exactly. Feelings come and feelings go. Funny when we first try to get sober how overpowering all those feelings seem to be. It's almost as if we think we're going to die simply because we feel something like anxious or afraid or sad.

    One is actually able to separate themselves from what they are feeling. Just because you feel something doesn't mean you have to do something in response.
     
  22. drunkenkyle

    drunkenkyle New Member

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    Still doing good. Since all my friends are drinkers, I've been stuck at home ALL DAY AND WEEKEND.. Pretty damn lonely. So, after a meeting my friend called me and asked me if I Wanted to go to a strip club to watch her friend dance. I Was hopped up on coffee, so I decided to go. Temptation was crazy, but still didn't have a drink. I haven't got laid sober in prob. 5 years, so that was a little awkward last night. My sponsor has REALLY been on my back about reading the BB, but it's fucking boring as fuck.

    I've been drinking an ungodly amount of coffee and smoking a top of cigs.

    Headed to a meeting tonight @ 8:00.

    I feel REALLY fucking good.
     
  23. Colonel Panic

    Colonel Panic New Member

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    You may not want or feel you need to do what your sponsor says, but it's important that you do. Try chapter 11 today.
     
  24. drunkenkyle

    drunkenkyle New Member

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    Will do after my meeting tonight. thanks
     
  25. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    You know what I found really difficult is that when I was sobering up, there were many evenings that I felt really good. Like things were going very well in my life and I simply didn't want to work the steps.

    It's hard to grow unless we push ourselves to do things that feel wrong, are boring or otherwise simply aren't as fun as other activities. But the work done on the steps is important and can help you become free from alcoholism.
     

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