SRS He totally dropped out of life...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by D, Mar 12, 2005.

  1. D

    D A guiltless state of self awareness.. The process

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    *sigh*
    Just got finished, almost, not quite yet..With over two hours of back breaking work..After I got home from my job.
    Sat down, & realized how little my husband was involved with our life together. We have no mutual friends. Even though my friends kept inviting him out...
    You would not believe the mess he left here. He was such a slob. He did drop by to pick up the Playstation I bought him...
    In five years he never contributed not one piece of furniture to our home. I bought everything. He's leaving only with the dresser he came with, & what I'm giving him, plus his junk.
    He made his own credit worse, even though I taught him how to clean it up. Just kept overdrawing, & blowing his limit. It recently started to affect mine.
    He admitted he never once picked up a dustrag, or even bothered to wipe down the microwave.
    He managed to grab up a good sized chunk of my character. After we hooked up, suddenly he was sooo into horror, & sci-fi. It was like he collected my character for use. He was a totally vapid emotional black hole. Sucked alot of my energy up.
    I'm starting to feel like being seperated from him is one of the smartest moves I've ever made.
    Tommorow my new boyfriend comes into town, & has already offered his time, & help.
    Needed to vent... damn, my back hurts. I just put in a sixteen hour day.

    cliffs: Non contributing, worthless husband, leeched my personality, & left me w/ a huge mess to clean up. Never cleaned anything, & was a video game playing dreamer.
    New guy coming over tommorow. Equipped with his own stamina, drive, & character.
     
  2. Kyoushu

    Kyoushu きょうしゅ

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    Was your husband always like this? I'm not sure what to say but I'm glad you've taken action to make your life better. I too play video games and dream. But I am also young. I know if I was married I would help as much as I could. I would want her to never lift a finger but not the type of girl that would expect me too or take advantage of that. But your husband didn't sound like that great of a person. He just seemed exactly how you worded it. An emotionless black hole. I'm glad to see you got out of that type of situation. Good luck with whatever comes next in your life. And get some good sleep!
     
  3. D

    D A guiltless state of self awareness.. The process

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    Yes.
     
  4. D

    D A guiltless state of self awareness.. The process

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    Was he always like that? Good question.
    I'm not sure. He told me he liked to read...I never once saw him with a book, or newspaper. I'm still very confused by his behavoir. But he was always the "strong silent type." In other words, treat 'em like a mushroom, keep 'em in the dark, feed 'em on shit...Not that it was intentional on his part, he was like that alot when we went out too. I never knew what he was thinking.
    If I was speaking passionately about politics or something, I was "yelling." If I told him that the way he dealt with something could maybe be approached in a different, perhaps better way..I'd get, "Oh, so now I'm an asshole, because I can't handle one simple thing?"
    Really, I think he's wounded inside because he has this persecution complex. Guilt is a factor, & then there's low self esteem.
    Simply put, I can't "fix" it. I couldn't love him enough to make him see that ultimately he's still responsible for his own happiness. Nobody can "save" him.
    Five years later..Standing here looking around at my apartment...It's almost as if he was never here at all. :sad2:
     
    Last edited: Mar 12, 2005
  5. bazzaj

    bazzaj New Member

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    Sounds like he might have things he wants to do, but he's lost motivation and blames other people instead. When he said he likes to read, he probably meant he thinks other people will like a reader, so he would like to be one.
    You've tried so hard to help him, but he doesn't want to change.
    How did he take all this? sounds like he's still blaming you, maybe he'll take it as a wakeup call...
    Enjoy your new life!
     
  6. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    Good for you...cutting your loses and moving on is always a good thing.
     
  7. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Still wondering though, did he have a job?
     
  8. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

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    Although I would rather see divorce as a last option, it sounds like you needed to be rid of this person. I can't imagine having to be the one to do it all and not have my husband share in the responsibilities...whether they be financial or around the house. It sounds like he was just existing in your life and doing nothing more. Good luck in your new adventures.
     
  9. Kyoushu

    Kyoushu きょうしゅ

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    Yeah it makes me wonder why you were attracted to him in the first place. Unfortunately MMORPG's are my escape. Just like how people live in a bottle. I do this to get my attention away from my real life. I definently am not an emotionless black hole though. I've lost alot of motivation because of my social anxiety and my overall mentality of the world. I try so hard to change the way I think because I definently want to be happy and don't want to be miserable. So I really don't know. But like I said I'm glad you've moved on, definently needed out of that situation. And don't forget to be happy. :)
     
  10. Britney Spears

    Britney Spears New Member

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    I'm going to have to say (And Trump would agree with this) that you are partially responsible for your situation.
    It takes two to tango in a relationship. You bought him the Playstation- thus, supporting that habit. Take a little responsibility.
     
  11. D

    D A guiltless state of self awareness.. The process

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    Britney, this has been an ongoing drama. I've posted several times about this in the vaginarium.
    Was really just a venting. I already took responsibility for my side of things. Took him to marriage counseling, & tried to get him to see his doc about antidepressants...
    Thankyou very much for your reply/ replies. :)
     
  12. D

    D A guiltless state of self awareness.. The process

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    Yes, he did, the whole marriage.
     
  13. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Phew well at least he had a job. I like to congratulate you for closing this horrible chapter of your life, i hope the new chapter you opened will be more adventurous and pleasing. When things do go wrong though i advice you NOT to let it go on for so many years, but to react sooner to the situation. Determined Awareness, is crucial to see where a problem is coming from. I feel that in your previous relationship you have been trying to beat a dead horse for far too long, i want you to recocnize WHERE the problem comes from (internal or external from you or others) , stop blaming yourself. And take immediate action to situations. You have to make quicker evaluations into terms of 'is this worth it, or not'. That would be my advice.
     

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