SRS he said he wishes he could cheat...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by desichic123, Sep 8, 2005.

  1. desichic123

    desichic123 New Member

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    my boyfriend of 2 yrs and i had a fight today. i guess it started off small over stupid shit and escalated into a huge fight which led to him saying he didnt care and didnt want to listen to my shit..just giving me this "i dont care..whatever" attitude. i just tried talking to him but he just didnt really listen..like, in one ear out the other deal. about 15min ago, i hung up on him because he said, "I can see why other guys cheated on you..and i congratulate them" and that just hurt like hell until he said "I wish i could do the same..but unfortunately i dont have any time" :wtc: :wtc: so i told him i didnt need him and it was over and hung up on him..so ive been in tears for the past 15minutes. i just dont understand how a guy can tell you he loves you so much in one breath and shit like that in the next. i guess i just need to get this all out.
     
  2. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    Sounds like he is either really really hurt by something you said to him and is lashing out or he is an arsehole and you already knew that.

    Men who care for you don't say that. Sure they may say some stuff that hurts and they wish they hadn't the minute it leaves their mouths but to say what he did I couldn't put down to a slip up.

    Have you had many fights before?
     
  3. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    How old are the two of you?
     
  4. desichic123

    desichic123 New Member

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    20 and 21 and we have those stupid lil fights that last about 15 minutes but we would rarely have these kind of lash outs
     
  5. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    There are a few things that you need to know. People get get angry over the smallest things and let the elephants go thru without a problem. Therefore be carefull with those small petty fights, because as you have seen they can escalate into large problems and even a break-up with your ex-bf. He deliberatly hurted you ,apparently because you didn't mind putting darkness and hatred in his life either. You see both of you have to constantly put light and love into eachothers life, a relationship is about giving and taking. Sometimes you have to make compromises, not every time everything can be exactly like you want it your way. You have to be together but still let eachother being able to do their own thing. Freedom within boundries so to speak. You always have to ask yourself 'is this argument worth losing my relationship over?' Sometimes its important to make a stance, and sometimes its better to compromise, something like ok you can do that thing, but then and then i want it to be that way. I don't want you to go back to this guy because he clearly couldn't be a better person in the situation. Never look at what people say but look at what they do, does that person treat you with love? If not then it might be time to doubt their actions. But what it basically all comes down to is that both of you showed hatred towards eachother and got hurted as a result of that. Be carefull next time.
     
  6. johan

    johan Active Member

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    1. you say he loves you, how do you know? Doesn't sound like it to me.

    2. you shouldn't necessarily break up over this comment. Sure, the comment was juvenile, but so would be breaking up over it.

    Hopefully you don't enter into full-on sexual relationships on a whim, and likewise you should not throw them away just because of a comment.

    Let's face it, when the anger heats up and tempers flare and the words start flying...people can and DO say things to hurt the other person. Sometimes these are wild exaggerations, sometimes they are completely untrue. You hurt him. He hurts you. You hurt him more, he hurts you back. On and on it goes.

    Calm down and think about it. I'm sure you're not blameless in this situation.
    If you want to make this better, think about what steps you can take to do so, instead of just feeling bad about it and wishing it could be different.

    WISHING but doing NOTHING still = NOTHING

    If after thinking it over, you decide that this relationship is not healthy and not helping you become the person you want to be, THEN it's time to end it.

    Do it gracefully, with care and consideration for this person you once loved. You would want the same kind treatment, so be the bigger person and give care and respect.

    Even when it's not shown to you. Even if they're mean to you. That's how you demonstrate your quality and worth as a human being.

    Remember: you can love a person, but still realize its not in your best interests to be together.

    Cliffs: it's time to grow up. Have a safe ride.
     
  7. MikeYOX

    MikeYOX May 2000 account: DELETED :(

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    I get the feeling that we aren't getting a full account of what actually happeed here.

    People say mean things when they are pissed. If you pester somebody who already feels backed into a corner during an argument they are even more likely to say something like that or worse. Why? Because emotions fly in an argument, and people try to hurt eachother in defense of their feelings.

    If he really wanted to cheat on you, he would just do it, he wouldn't say it. if he felt that you deserved to be cheated on, he would have never been with you int he first place. no gy wants to date a girl who they consider to be worthless, but that is the way he made you feel.

    Maturity was certainly lacking in this argument, and you need to find it. My advice? Call him up and ask him to talk. Don't interrupt, don't accuse, just ask him to talk. Tell him to just say whatever he wants. he may be aggressive at first, but he will calm down and reveal his true feelings. If you want to know his true feeling, you need to communicate with him without being adverisarial, since obviously that didn't work out to well, and we don't want to see a repeat of that.

    Without knowing what happened in further, more accurate detail, I can't give any further advice, but simply don't push him. I'm not telling you to let him run you over, but just let him get out his aggression so he can get down to his real feelings. Often one must brave quite the tongue lashing to make any true discovery. Listen to his part, then respond in a mature fashion. 15 minute arguments are like tornadoes on a relationship. All they do is gouge at each peron's nerves, and usually, nothing is accomplished.
     
  8. desichic123

    desichic123 New Member

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    thanks alot for the comments..alot of it was very true and made alot of sense. im trying to just let things cool off before we have a serious talk again so as to avoid another blow out. as for the comment, we tried discussing it today. he said it was a result of me pissing him off and the only way to get me to hang up the phone is to insult me and hurt me. im not going to let his comment break up our relationship as Johan mentioned because it is childish.
     
  9. MikeYOX

    MikeYOX May 2000 account: DELETED :(

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    Also, no matter what happens, tell his ass (in a nice way) that he needs to learn to control his temper. His reaction can be explained, but it is still unacceptable.
     
  10. quid

    quid I Piss Excellence OT Supporter

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    no one asked... what was the origional argument about? i had an argument like that with one girl, and i basically gave up after a comment she made and there was no possible way of comming back from it, because it was something that she would never just give up, and one day she brought it up again and it was the final straw.
     
  11. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    This is the good post here. Congrats, Mike.

    If your boy were on offtopic, what would he report about you?
     

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