SRS He loves his beer (advice?)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Saturn Sun, Apr 24, 2006.

  1. Saturn Sun

    Saturn Sun New Member

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    My boyfriend, drinks up to 12 beers a night, and he drinks every night. He promised me he would stop drinking so much, actuall cryed in bed next to me. But the next day he waits untill I go to bed and drinks!:mad: I have stoped drinking around him because, everytime I do it "gives him a reason" to drink. I can't even enjoy it. We're suppose to be moveing in at the end of this month but I dont want to if he is just going to lie to me.:wtc: :sadwavey:



    CLIFFS: Boyfriend drinks alot of beer, said he would change but hasent.
     
  2. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    I truly believe that you should never expect a man to change for you (and vice versa).
    Your boyfriend sounds like an alcholic. If that isn't something you want to deal with, DON'T MOVE IN WITH HIM!
     
  3. verveintuition

    verveintuition New Member

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    If you're not comfortable with it, you shouldn't move in. Period. It will only escalate the current problem. It sounds like you're factoring all of that in, and that's good.

    He really may need professional help. Alcoholics or any other addiction rely on that comfort of the drink, etc. or whatever.
    If he quits or cuts back drinking for you, that's great; but more importantly, he really needs to quit for himself. Because the first time you guys have a fight or an argument, he may go back to drinking, that comfort. It needs to be a personal decision.



    Alternately, how much do you drink? Is it every day like him?

    You mentioned that you drink, and you're trying not to do it around him. Well, recently he's trying not to drink around you - by drinking after you've gone to sleep.

    He may see it as a double standard. He may find it hard to quit if he knows you do it, too. :dunno:
    If you don't drink that much, okay, but I just wanted to point out that possibility.
    Make certain that you are as accountable as you're wanting him to be. :)
     
  4. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    If he can't stop drinking then he is an alcoholic and should seek help. I love my beer too, but I don't need it and I can go without it. For dieting purposes I cut beer completely out for 2 months. It sucked but I did it because I wanted to lose weight. I think that if your boyfriend's problem was as simple as "loving his beer" then he would be able to cut it out of his diet or at the very least cut it back. It doesn't sound like that is the case here, it sounds like alcoholism. You guys should talk about seeking help.
     
  5. darnit

    darnit New Member

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    Without trying to make assumptions at this point. When did he start to drink as many beers nightly?Do you have any family members that are Alcoholics? Does he know this? Does he have any that are?How long have you been dating?How did you meet? What were your first couple of dates? How old are you both?
    Theres more, but these are the main points.
     
  6. Saturn Sun

    Saturn Sun New Member

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    Without trying to make assumptions at this point. When did he start to drink as many beers nightly? 2 months ago

    Do you have any family members that are Alcoholics?

    ya he knows this and he knows i am uncomphy with him drinking a 12 pack a night.

    i dont think he has any acholic people in his family.

    we are neighbors and we met because he was playing his music too loud,

    our first couple of times togeather were resteruants and just hanging out, we had conflicting work secudals so we diddnt see eachother as much in the begining

    we have been dating for 8 months

    he is 33 and im 20
     
  7. Saturn Sun

    Saturn Sun New Member

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    no i drink about once every 2 weeks it realy bugs me that he drinks like he does so i dont drink anymore.
     
  8. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    Don't move in with him until he accepts responsibility for his actions. You will live to rue the day if you do. Also, post in the Road To Recovery forum. They can give you advice on how to deal with this.
     
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2006
  9. dr_jerkvorkian

    dr_jerkvorkian New Member

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    maybe you guys can find some activities you can do together to replace the time spent drinking (while drunk or sober:p) uhmmm.. sex is always good.:drool: hahaha, just switch from one addiction to another
     
  10. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    :) Eligh is a good person to talk with in the Road to Recovery....I have often asked him questions and his reponses are always insightful, solid and easy to understand.
     
  11. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM, he will make your life hell. I've lived with an alcoholic before, it's hell on earth.

    He needs treatment, he probably won't seek it, and you need to find a new boyfriend.
     
  12. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Im going to raise a red flag here also. Its a sign you could not , should not,and cannot deny. Its 'abnormal' behaviour, and you don't want to be in a relationship with someone who is addicted to alcohol, for his sake, and your sake he needs to go into rehab, sometimes loving someone means letting them go, you have to do what is best for you and him, even if that leads to you two being seperated. You said it was only 2 months ago, do you have any idea what caused this? If he's only addicted for a short time, then hopefully the easier it will be for him to quit, that is if he genuinly wants to goto rehab and do something about his problem.
     
  13. eligh

    eligh Go To A Meeting

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    Leave him. Tell him you don't want to be with him until he has at least a month sober and is attending AA meetings. If he can't manage that, he's probably not worth your time anyway.
     
  14. Saturn Sun

    Saturn Sun New Member

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    He promised he would not do it agian , and i told him if this happenes again then i will start moving his stuff out, i dont want to not move in with him i want to give him another chance because i think he wants to change, hopefully he will, i know this sounds stupid, even as i type this i know theres a big chance he will fuck up agian but i dont want to leave him i want to believe what he says is true and that he means it:hs:
     
  15. Saturn Sun

    Saturn Sun New Member

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    UPDATE: i broke up with him and he has a month to move out...... you were right he said he was going to cut down and diddnt sooo. i told him it wasent working and said im calling it quits.:wtc:
     
  16. thrillhouse

    thrillhouse New Member

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    hes fucking 33 and youre 20? baby im 20 and live in ann arbor (although not for the summer), you should be with me
     
  17. Saturn Sun

    Saturn Sun New Member

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    :rly: :hsugh:
     
  18. thrillhouse

    thrillhouse New Member

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    :cool: :naughty: ya rly
     
  19. Saturn Sun

    Saturn Sun New Member

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    sorry i decided to turn gay.....:greddy: :mamoru:
     
  20. Saturn Sun

    Saturn Sun New Member

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    another update: i bet him that he couldent remain sober for 5 days i told him i "couldent see it happening " this is his 4 day sober....
     
  21. raikou

    raikou New Member

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    This sounds like it is going downhill fast you will comprimise and well.... how about I tell you alittle about me first I am an alcoholic recovering and have been sober many years. I met this man that I thought I was in lovewith but it turn out I was looking for other things as well as comfort and security. I only know this now that I have had some time and distance from the situation. I dated him for along time before I found out he was hiding his consumption I didn't want to put my stuff on him, meaning just cause I don't drink doesn't mean he can't. Something like an ex-smoker telling a smoker to reform and just being too aggressive about it. I wanted a happy medium, there is nothing wrong with that but you need to have some sort of a boundry about it, and mine was disappearing fast. What is your bottom line, mine at the time was very grey and hard to see, by the time I got out of this relationship it was way too late. It didn't happen all in one day but, after a while it builds and builds. It is so sutle you don't know it is happening until it is far too long gone. Long story short it was getting to a point where going out was uncomfortable. I comprimised far too much, I should have dealt with it from the get go but, I just didn't want to see it until it hit me like a ton of bricks. I wish you well I hope you find happiness remember he is not the only one for you. I found a wonderful man years later, I am with him now. He never asks me to comprimize my ethics or boundries in any way.:)
     
  22. Saturn Sun

    Saturn Sun New Member

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    Update: he went to get help last night and checked himself into a hospital.
    :wtc:
     
  23. Colonel Panic

    Colonel Panic New Member

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    That is great news. There is a big difference between drying out and becoming sober. I never realized it until I went for treatment a few months ago.

    Please do him and YOURSELF a favor and find an Al-Anon meeting tonight. Good luck and keep us posted.

    http://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=al+anon+ann+arbor&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8
     
  24. Saturn Sun

    Saturn Sun New Member

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    Eh he got out the night he was admitted... said someone was going to hook him up with a therapist.... he has an app. today (friday) but he drank wed night and when I tried to get the beer away he chocked me... we are done!! I swore to myself I would never be in an abusefull relationship... and i wont. I hope he gets help.:hs:
     
  25. Colonel Panic

    Colonel Panic New Member

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    That's too bad. It is.

    Good luck.
     

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