Having someone live with a newly married couple?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by JBunni, Apr 2, 2010.

  1. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    Generally, I dont feel its a good idea to have someone living with a newly married couple. They need their space, it can put stress on a marriage/friendship, and all that. However I find my husband and I are approaching a decision that may not be so easy.

    I will try to make this as short as possible.

    My best friend is in sort of a bad situation where she is now. We want to move her here, and she has been thinking about moving here as well. We've been trying to find her a room mate from some of our friends, but we arent having much luck. My husband suggested she move in with us. He says he rather her be here with us, than in the 'bad situation'.

    On the other hand, my mother is nearing her own 'bad situation' financially. And has brought up us moving in with her to help defray expenses a few times. She is thinking of selling her house, and moving to a smaller place. Its just an idea for now. My husband says he would not mind living with her if she needed our help.

    This isnt an immediate decision, we have at least 6 months to decide how things should go. I would prefer us to live on our own, but I understand that financially another person could help, and more importantly my mother and my friend may need our help. So we may have to decide whether to let someone live with us, and if so, who?
     
  2. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Sounds like trouble to me. A whole lot of trouble. I don't have any direct experience with situations like this though. :dunno:
     
  3. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    Didn't you move out because you couldn't stand your mother? From all your posts about your family I can't believe you would even think of letting that stuff happen again.
     
  4. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    To clarify, I dont hate my mother. We get along fairly well. We had a little trouble when she didnt necessarily agree with us getting married so young, but shes let it go, and we have not had any problems since the wedding.

    I do have a problem with my sister. We haven't had any major fights since I moved out, but that because I only have to see her occasionally, and I avoid it when possible.

    I've already told my mom I would never move in with my sister, and a stipulation to her ever living with us is if my sister is not there. My mother understands this completely.
     
  5. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Why don't you just have your best friend move in with your mom? They both need a roommate and it would be better for you guys to not have to live with other people.
     
  6. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    i like this idea

    if you end up having to live with one of them, make sure its for a short period of time. and pick the friend over your mom. living with a mother in law sounds like a horrible idea.
     
  7. DaFukIsThat

    DaFukIsThat OT Supporter

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    it's easier to kick a friend out than a family member.
     
  8. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    Hmm, I will ask, although I think it might be awkward for them. I mean, there is at least a 30 year age difference. I dont exactly see it working, but I will keep it in mind as an option.
     
  9. john law

    john law Guest

    If you are ever unsure of a decision, say it out loud. If it makes sense when you say it out loud, then you are ok.
     
  10. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

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    it's not like your mom would be having you move in for the company, she would be doing it for the money. So, if your friend could pay your mom rent there shouldn't be any problems. It'll just be like your mom is renting out a room to a tenant who happens to be her daughter's friend.
     
  11. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    OMG, all options sound god awful.
     
  12. D-FENS

    D-FENS New Member

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    Definitely don't let your mother move in. As for your friend, I see no problem with letting her stay for a few weeks, but make sure she knows it's only temporary until she finds a decent place to live. Establish a clear date that she has to be out of your house by.
     
  13. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    True, but it still seems odd to me. My mom is not a social person, but she seems to rely heavily on those in the household for companionship. Plus I can see her trying to be 'motherly' toward my friend, which is not a bad thing, but it would still be weird. Also, my friend wants to room with 'a friend', or someone she can be friends with, not exactly just renting space.

    :o I agree

    The thing is, we dont have room where we currently are. If either of them 'move in' we will have to move to a bigger apartment, which would mean at least a year in a lease. Our problem is we really dont want her to stay where she is at, but if she cant find a roommate here, then should we let her live with us? Or just throw her back to her bad situation?
     
  14. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    oh hell no to mom moving in. Maybe friend couch surfing for a bit, but make sure there's a clear get your ass out date.
     
  15. Bacardi 151

    Bacardi 151 New Member

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    Don't do it. It won't end well.
     
  16. Toxica

    Toxica New Member

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    :werd: to these.


    Just to let you know, if either one moves in with you, little things they do might begin to bug you (or your husband) after a while. So you will probably argue with them or argue with your spouse about them. I think it is a bad idea, especially with you being a newlywed, but if you have to do it then definitely set a "move out" date.
     
  17. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    A friend? sure. whatever.

    Your mother? are you out of your mind? seriously. Don't move in with your mother unless plan b is sleeping on the streets. I'm not saying this because I think living with parents is bad, im saying this because of the stories youve told about how things are with your family.

    oh hell no. :ugh:
     
  18. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    humor us....describe the bad situation :eek3:
     
  19. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    I'd really rather not. To us (and her) it is a very serious situation, although it may not seem that way to other people. Just use your imagination. :)
     
  20. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

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    Honestly the friend moving in with your mother is a great idea. If your friend doesn't have money to at least help with paying rent then what does she expect from you? Free room and board, food, ect ect.

    She can want to move in with a friend as much as she wants but if you arrange a place for her to be with a reasonable amount of rent she should be happy. People in tough spots ask for a lot when they need to be happy they got what they did. Move those 2 in together and then you get to stay happy while they learn to live with each other.

    So far thats the only solution I see thats equal for all parties involved. Also mention that if they have troubles they need to talk about it between those two and not drag you guys into it. Your newly weds, your going to have your own problems you need to deal with.
     
  21. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You ever notice you guys seem to surround yourselves with problematic people?
     
  22. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    Us? :eek3: No I hadnt.
     
  23. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    Ugh I lived with my in-laws the first year hubby and I were married. It was very tough and put a lot of stress on me. I wouldn't recommend it, but I'm now adamant that no one will ever live with me or I with them except hubby.
     
  24. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    First it was that young trobuled girl that you and the hudband wanted to "help and take in. Now it's both your mom and a different friend?

    I mean I love my family and would do just about anything to help them or my close friends...but in your situation it would be a lot smarter to just enjoy the first few months of your marriage without everyone else's problems bogging down your household.

    Then again, maybe you're doing it because you guys are broke like we all figured would happen and you're hoping for any sort of financial help by inviting others to live with you :dunno:
     
  25. adamlewis88

    adamlewis88 New Member

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    I wouldnt mess with either of them. People need to learn to take care of themselves. Since youre being so vague, Ive got to be vague too and say that I would try to help them out of whatever position theyre in but not at the expense of putting stress on my relationship with my wife. I dont know how old you are so I dont know how old your friend is but Ive got to imagine she is probably old enough to know (or maybe learn) to take care of herself. Same goes for your mother.

    Some may say it sounds harsh but I protect what I have with my wife and nothing will come between that. I dont care how sad the sob story is. In the United States of America, there is ZERO reason why people cant take care of themselves.
     

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