SRS Having a hard time dealing with my future

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Rodthrower18, Sep 7, 2006.

  1. Rodthrower18

    Rodthrower18 New Member

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    Well this is the ultimate good news bad news deal. I've just fallen in love with the greatest woman i could ever imagine being with. She's everything ive ever prayed for come to life. I should be happy right ?? When concerning her i am ecstatic. The problem is that my grandfather is basically on his deathbed and i dont't know how to deal with it. My grandparents gave up their retirements to raise me when my mom died when i was 2. This man has always been like superman to me, and now im facing the very real reality that he will be gone soon. To make matters worse i think im subconiously pushing to fast with my relationship with the new gf bc im trying to find love that isn't on its way out(i dont even know if that fucking made sense). Part of me wonders now if God put her here bc im gonna need the comforting of someone like her soon. It hurts to see him need help just to get to the bathroom, or anywhere else for that matter. It hurts like hell thinking that one morning im going to wake up and he's not gonna, or when I get back from school or hanging with friends or the gf he'll be gone. I know I can't be here ALL the time but it's really tough right now. I don't want to run her off by smothering her. I don't fucking want to not be there for him, I don't want to let my gpa slip(this semester is extremely important for me and internships for my future career). I feel like a heartless bastard for thinking about all of these other tings but i know its not stuff that i can just toss aside either. WTF is wrong with me right now????

    edit: I also began thinking about all of the things i've had to start doing at home bc he can't anymore and it made me realize that with each thing he couldnt do anymore the shorter his time was getting,and right now there isn't much of anything he can do on his own anymore and it's just hurts. We just celebrated his 79th bday on the 2nd. My reasoning for not moving out was to be there when this time came but now that it really is here ...
     
  2. Sarge21

    Sarge21 Frau am Steuer Ungeheuer!

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    Listen man, with everything he gave up for, he did it because he wants you to suceed. To give up on school would be to (i dont want to say fail him) do him a dis-service. He knows you love him, and the one thing that could make him completely happy is to know that is efforts and sacrifices will pay off in the end.

    You are lucky, i never had anyone in my family care so much. Keep on doing what you are doing, just keep in mind why he did what he did, and dont let him down.

    I hope that makes sense.
     
  3. awwwdreyawww

    awwwdreyawww New Member

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    Well first off, I applaud you for the value that you place on your family. :cool: With that said, you couldn't be "heartless" for worrying about other aspects of your life, because it's normal. You should think about the other elements because they are just as much a reality as this crisis.

    No doubt it will be hard, but you're gonna have to show him what you're made of now. Be strong, and try your best to provide positivity, even when your throat tightens and the tears want to come. Have a heart-to-heart as soon as you get the chance, like you think he's gonna pull through, but just want to say it anyway. That way, you'll have some peace within yourself with either outcome.

    In the meantime, I think it goes without saying that you're gonna have to minimize the time spent with your girlfriend and your friends as much as possible. It's great that you found a great girl, and the timing is out of your control. However, you have to stay in control of your two priorities - your education and your family. If she and your friends understand this and are there to support you after the fact, then kudos to you; you have chosen your friends well.

    I'll pray for you and your family. :hug:
     
  4. Rodthrower18

    Rodthrower18 New Member

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    Thx for the advice and prayers yall. I had a talk with the gf jsut now and she understands(shes really close with her fam as well) so thats at least a lil ray of sunshine ya know? School so far is going great, this is gonna be my best semester gpa-wise. I talk to him a lot so it's not like i'll never get to say my peace with him its just one of those things thats hard no matter how much you prepare for it. I know i'll be fine I just needed somewhere to vent, and honestly i have a lot of friends to talk to but none of them understand my closeness to my family, whereas here out of all the ppl on OT i knew there would be SOMEONE that could relate. Anyway long story short, thx for actually taking the time out u guys.
     

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