SRS haven't been here for a while : /

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by s34s0ns, Dec 11, 2006.

  1. s34s0ns

    s34s0ns OT Supporter

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    Well, seems as though no matter where my life turns i end up in the asylum...

    So my girlfriend of 7 months just told me she has had 16 sexual partners (including me) after having me previously believe only 4.

    I still love her and am not judging her on her actions before our relationship, the actual pain comes from that she didn't have enough faith in me to tell me in the first place. We had been dating for 3-4 months when the first number came out [didn't matter to our relationship] but as it is now i can't help but feel a sickness of being just a number.

    With 4 people, ok fine and dandy, i conquered blah blah blah that mentality of well at least she's with me now i must be doing something right.

    but gdamn, 16 makes it hard to feel "important" when something you hold high (sex, 3 diff. people for me but all serious) can be taken so lightly by others enough to not even remember some of the names. :sadwavey:
     
  2. FindersKeepers

    FindersKeepers New Member

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    You still love her right?

    All of these were BEFORE you right?
     
  3. s34s0ns

    s34s0ns OT Supporter

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    as far as i know...


    but yes, i'm not at all questioning how i feel about her. I'm just figuring out how to deal with it in my head. It's one of those things that when it changes it effects things around it.

    Analogies ftw:

    a relationship is like a house you build it up with a structure and layer everything together to create a solid place, when even one piece of wood is tweaked differently then the whole house is thrown off and needs to be fixed, but finding out what else that warped piece affected is hard.

    that's kind of how i think of it in a rediculous sort of way. The reason she didn't tell me in the first place is because she wanted me to view her differently. So, by her purposely skewing my view or what she had me believe, she put up a mask in front of who she really is.

    so i feel like now that that mask is gone i have to figure out in myself how to deal with whats behind it because i still love my house, it's just different and i have to re-learn the plans and rebuild the foundation :hsd:

    <3 shitty analogies, they get the job done.


    btw we are both 19.
     
  4. FindersKeepers

    FindersKeepers New Member

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    Oh hell dude you're 19... Not saying that's bad, but god the things I've learned and changed and STILL having problems with and I'm 22 now and have gone through 5 relationships SINCE the one that "broke me" when I was 19.... and now this one that I'm in, is completely baffling..


    ANYWAY,

    You're young, yes that peice of warped wood throws everything off a bit, but it shouldn't effect you that much, she told you the truth now, better to find out before you were to get married than afterwards

    Now she's checking to see if you will judge her by her past actions, if you will run away... Don't push harder, don't get more clingy and cry and say why didn't you tell me and blah blah blah

    Instead... Take a day or two to think, still talk to her, but don't be like you used to be.

    Next time you hang out, do everything you would normally do but calm it down some, do this for just a day or two for her to see how her hiding that effected you then turn everything back to normal.

    She played head games with you, maybe you have to play head games with her.


    Now, most wouldn't agree with this, but I've been in this situation and it WORKED.... I'd still be with that girl if I hadn't fallen for someone else....

    Then I learned that falling hurts, you have to grow and build and this new one that I'm in is just a complete slap in the face to me, I don't know what to do anymore lol
     
  5. s34s0ns

    s34s0ns OT Supporter

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    That's pretty much what i did, i was upset at first let it show, but then i just took my space. For a while after i was less affectionate and a little distant... instantly it changed from me comforting and convincing her, to her being jolted into having to work for me back, that's how it is right now.

    Having the ball in my court definately is nice, but i'm really just waiting for this to blow over and things to get back to normal.
     
  6. FindersKeepers

    FindersKeepers New Member

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    It just hit me that it said 16 not 6.


    Holy fuck, and she's only 19.

    :hotdogdownhallway: ??????


    Agreed...... Now that I've re-read this, you may want to think things...



    Now, I have a few VERY important questions:

    1. Were any of those unprotected (most likely)
    2. did you ever fuck her unprotected?
    3. Did you ever hit it IDB, or was it just IDM or ITP?

    If you answer yes 2/3 of the above, you mayyyy want to go get yourself a test done JUST for ease of minds sake....

    SOrry man.
     
  7. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    Well, like you said- we all end up back here at some point so welcome back :wavey:

    Well, telling you she had 4 when she really had 16- that's quite a jump in numbers. Granted, that's not the best track record there ever was, but if she's been honest with you about everything else in your relationship, then it's up to you to decide if you can get over the number part or not. Now, if she hasn't been honest about everything else, well, that's a red flag.

    I know you feel hurt because she didn't trust you enough to tell you the truth the first time. Have you asked her if there is anything else that she needs to tell you- anything else she hasn't been exactly honest about? You may not like what you hear, but the truth is better than the lie.

    And I agree with Blu- go get your self tested. You don't want to be carrying something around that you don't know about.
     
  8. chyeah

    chyeah New Member

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    she's literally a LYING WHORE. sad. and gross.
     
  9. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    16 @ 19 is gross.

    I know how you feel. Sorry dude.
     
  10. s34s0ns

    s34s0ns OT Supporter

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    she recently went to the gyno ( i took her ) and her results are clear.
     
  11. s34s0ns

    s34s0ns OT Supporter

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    so far, she has been honest about everything else that i know of at least... and i can pretty much tell when someone lies to me. I had a pretty good feeling that the first number was false but gave her the benefit of trust seeing she had never lied to me before.

    as far as i know..


    i care about her alot and the problem is, i wouldn't want to be judged on my past and screwed out of a relationship without a chance, but 16

    fuck
     
  12. s34s0ns

    s34s0ns OT Supporter

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    No on 3 and yes on 2 AFTER she got tested, dunno on 1 prolly yes.
     
  13. s34s0ns

    s34s0ns OT Supporter

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    any girls opinions on this ?

    i'm not giving her up do to this, but it makes it hard to feel the same way i did before seeing as i have a huge trust issue with absolutely anyone in the first place.
     
  14. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Don't give up on her. She didn't have to tell you, and she's clean. HUGE point there. SHE'S CLEAN.

    So she's had a lot of partners and didn't tell you at the start.
    Natural enough because she probably figured you would go apeshit and maybe drop her.

    Which, funny enough, is exactly what you're doing....

    Granted it IS a lot of partners and it makes me concerned about her sexual choices and compulsivity on her part. But that's to do with her, not with you.



    But as for the part about you not feeling "special enough" because you're #17 on the list, instead of #5...get over yourself. Grow up.

    If you don't want her anymore, fine. Be a man, and tell her straight up. Tell her it's because you can't handle it.
    Don't make her feel shame over her past. That's your problem, not hers.

    But if you did man up, you should see her for who she is NOW, and get over it ...
     
  15. s34s0ns

    s34s0ns OT Supporter

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    that is what i'm doing :hsugh: it's not easy though so i'm seeking advice on dealing with the feelings associated with it.

    and she did break my trust so it is my problem.

    thanks to everyone else for being helpful.
     

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