Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by TheBoyWonder, Jan 6, 2009.
if you have a SO, that is
if not, whats it like just being friends with a former SO
I have a good friend right now who I dated right before my current bf. My bf never spoke a word of insecurity at first. The friend dumped me to get back with his ex; I had liked him very much but once I got with my bf I was over it and him with no issues at all. He thought I was a cool chick and I still really liked him as a person so we became friends.
We hung out with all the same poeple anyway so it was never awkward However, we got along well and would have funny inside jokes that got to my bf. Probably 3 months in he mentioned it bugging him and I felt horrible because I really had no clue. I told him the story of how it all went down, how I felt, etc. and once he knew I had no feelings he believed me and that was that.
Now I know our situation is rare by most standards, but I am friends with other ex's. However, the only reason we were able to become friends was because we both took months of not speaking to one another to get over it and by the time we'd both moved on we were free and comfortable to just be friends.
My wife's boyfriend before me was one of the ushers at our wedding. I have no problems with her being friends with ex partners. They are just that, ex-partners. There was obvioiusly a reason, outside of sexual, that they ended up together. Usually that is a common interest or love and just because they dated that person does not mean that they can not share that passion for something still. For me that is the same as people asking if my wife is okay with me having female friends? Why? Because I am married, I can not have female friends? Bah! Same with ex partners...at that point, they should just be looked at as people and nothing more.
There is one qualifier with this. It is not just up to the partners. It is also up to the Ex. If the ex has moved on, then yeah, there is no problem. If the ex is trying to restart a relationship then it is a problem. So, in the end, it really depends on the current purpose and relationship between your partner and her ex IMO
it depends on how the current SO feels about the friendship, the depth of said friendship, and the time lapse since the relationship.
there should be clear boundaries on the friendship, for example, what sort of line of communication is acceptable. (ie, phone calls, texts, emails...)
i can understand why a current SO would not want their partner to remain friends with an ex. it's all about being honest and truthful in the relationship. if the SO has a problem with it, then you deal with the issues and reach a compromise.
I am about to find out whether we can or not. Me and my ex were together a little over three years, and split up in November. I think we do need some time apart to reflect on our relationship and evaluate our relationship. I would like to stay friends with my ex but that's her decision and I guess ill find out how much she does next month. Birthday is next month and depending how she reaches out it will tell me how much she wants to be friends. Like hang out, a call, or text.
But to the original question yes I think ex SO can be friends but everyone has to be comfortable. Both ex's and the new SO's.
take your time. i learned the hard way that you shouldn't rush it. all it takes is just one good moment for old feelings to rush back and make things extremely awkward and confusing.
It really depends...
I have an ex that I am still friends with, but I would never hangout 1on1 with her due to the fact in the past she made a move on me. In a group we are fine, but she is very passive aggressive.
My gf is friends with a few of her exs, but she never hangs out 1on1 with them. Before her and I started dating, she treated them as a friend and was not all over them.
So I believe you can be friends with your ex, just as long as you realize they are an ex and you are with someone new.
I'm friends with an ex.
My gf is fine with it. We aren't best of friends, but I still enjoy her company.
I know I will remain good friends with my (ex?)gf for quite a long time. If somebody down the road has a problem with that, they can jump in a lake.
It depends on the ex. I would try to be friends with an ex if we were good friends from the beginning. However, if the relationship ended on a sour note I would cut them out of my life.
exes are only friends if one of them still wants sex and the other one likes attention.
i wouldnt want my gf having her exes as friends (because by definiton it would be she is either still pining for them or shes an attention whore, both of which are red flags) and therefore i am not friends with any of my exes.
Any Female/Male relationship in which both parties are heterosexual and are not related are because they both want sex, or one wants sex and the other wants attention.
I don't think I have ever seen a Female/Male relationship where they did not want to sleep with each other and they were not in it for attention.
I have found so far that any girl who is not related to me begins to talk to me is because she wants to hookup or just attention.
The only people who just want to share with me are other men.
My gf is incredibly jealous. Just the thought of me talking with an ex would drive her insane. Fucking nuts.
Was hoping to stay friends with my most recent ex. its not working out going from lovers to best friends. Some day.
I couldn't stand being in something like that
Fuck. I'm friends with females. I have no want of sleeping with them.
I'm friends with them because I share common things/interests. That doesn't mean I want to bend them over my bed and bang them.
She doesn't like it at all. I respect that.
I still regularly talk to an ex I dated for 3.5 years and broke up 12 years ago. She has a husband, 3 kids, etc. I am very happy for her and she is for me. It works well like that.
My ex-wife and I have no spoken for several years, but I have no bad feelings towards her. I would definitely talk to her again if our paths crossed, but she lives 800 miles away.
My most recent ex broke up last May after 3.5 years. She says she wants to be "friends" but she has a lot of growing up to do and I think that means "resource" more than friend. Plus, she has changed quite a bit, hangs out with shady douche bags and I believe does coke with her new BFF.
After seeing her pics she posted on Facebook making out with this nasty skank on NYE at a club with an audience, I would say "friends" is a loooooong way off for us two - if ever.
I am good friends with an ex and my SO doesn't care at all. I hung out with him often over Christmas when I was out of town visiting my hometown. My SO was fine with it and I totally appreciate that cause my ex has always been a very good friend of mine.
My SO is also friends with and has hung out with his exes and its fine with me too
I so fucking HATE this opinion! It is exactly what I brought up. Because I am married, that means that 50% of the population is closed off from being a friend of mine? Bullshit! My best friend is female and we NEVER EVER had any interest in doing anything sexual. EVER! Surprisingly, people can think with something other than their gentials.
I dropped all contact with my ex when my SO and I got back together. Being friends with my ex would just cause problems in my relationship(and have in the past) and I don't need that.
i can respect this (don't mind my laugh i sort of agree with what you are saying.)
i think it depends on the extent of the friendship, really. i honestly don't think i'd be comfortable having a boyfriend of mine go hang out with his ex, whether or not i was there. i would hope that he wouldn't lie to me about it. i wouldn't want a boyfriend of mine emailing or texting an ex every day either. i, personally, think that is inappropriate.
i don't, however, think it's bad to talk every once in a while. for example, i still talk to my first ex. he and i dated when we were 17 and 18, respectively. that was 9 years ago. he lives across the country, and when we do talk it's either via email or over the phone. we usually talk no more than 2-3x a year. we always talk about what's goin on in our lives now, ie, how our families are doing, current relationships, his son, etc.
the theory goes that men cannot have female friends that they wouldnt sleep with under the right circumstances (typically the woman coming into the room naked and propositoning the guy).
i have female friends that i wouldnt sleep with because im not sexually attracted to them. i am friends with them for intellectual reasons. but i always thought i was the exception because, unlike the main forum, i wont fuck a chick im not attracted to (the main forum prides itself on "pussy is pussy: gotta get your dick wet.") i'd rather masturbate to internet porn than fuck a girl im not attracted to.
i think the rule is generally true.
are you sexually attracted to your female best friend? im not saying you'd fuck her, because you're married. But are you physically attracted to her?
I think that theory is flawed however. It is just social beliefs that men think only with their dicks. I am sure if you actually, anonymously asked most men, they would not truthfully state that they would fuck any of their female friends. Moreover, those that state that they would, if given the opportunity they would not.
As for my friend, there was no sexual appeal when we met. We got along on a personality and intellectual level. I guarantee there was nothing. Now, if you noticed I have talked in past tense....So, to COMPLETELY discredit every single word I have said
She and I are now dating (well making the final decisions about that, currently we are just playmates). I have a poly marriage with my wife and my best friend (currently)
I have people in my life that are special to me and I plan to keep them in my life... nobody I meet in the future can take that away. If they have a problem with it, sorry
Exactly. My friend started dating a girl and the gf was upset that she and I were such close friends. She told her gf tough shit and to deal with it because I was not going anywhere.