SRS Have a first date friday night, and we're both terrified.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by The Green Bastard, Jan 3, 2006.

  1. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    There's a story, so please be patient and read it.

    Everyone probably knows my dillemma. I was dating a real nice girl for a year, she broke up with me. I was devastated. Had a couple flings in the fall, feelings for ex were so strong, and i was terribly depressed at christmas.

    Well, I think 06 is turning around for me.

    OK. Of all places, I met a girl through an online dating service. Flame away, I've never done this before, so it's new to me.

    A girl the same age as me (32), sent me a pm through the site, and we started talking through MSN and emails, and this past weeekend on the phone. I was supposed to make a trip to her town (about an hour) for NY Eve, but I ended up with a flu saturday morning. She's REALLY pretty, blonde, so funny, has a beautiful smile, sarcastic wit, etc. We've talked/chatted for HOURS each evening.

    She's been recently singled as well, 5-6 months, like my own 4-5 months. She was married to her highschool sweetheart, who, when she was 5 months pregnant, cheated on her, and she did'nt know, and he did it again afterwards. They separated, and a while after the separation, she started dating this guy who, a couple years later, ended up being a complete asshole, treating her like shit, and they broke up.
    Her daughter is now 6, and very smart.

    Her friends and parents are telling her that they haven't seen her smiling so much as she has been since we first started chatting, and I'm noticing myself that I'm smiling a lot more these past days too.

    Last night we were on msn with our cameras so we could see each other (G-rated, not cam-sex lol) and we chatted all night, and she was smiling the entire time...I was too.

    But we're both very nervous about our first date which will be this friday night. Terribly nervous. I"ve got butterflies in my stomach today. I don't recall this ever happening before a date. On the day of the date, I'd get a little nervous, and that's natural, but it's 3+ days away and my stomach is doing flip-flops. It does it just at the thought of her.

    Is it normal? What does this mean? I'd really like to get to know her a lot better, because she's so sweet, but I feel like I'm in highschool again, with these nerves!!
     
  2. whatever

    whatever OT Supporter

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    :hs: Sounds like you're going to put a lot of pressure on it. Just keep a clear head and take it for what its worth. :hug: It all works out in the end.
     
  3. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    Well, I wouldn't say we're putting pressure on it. We've talked so much, it almost feels like I've known her a long time, not a week.
     
  4. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    OH -- and this will be her first date. Ever. The highschool sweetheart/marriage, they never actually went out on a date. Same for her last bf. They just met and started going out.

    That might be her source of nervousness too.
     
  5. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    Congratulations! Take it slow and I hope it works out well for you both. Don't be nervous. Be your usual charming self.
     
  6. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    ;) I'm taking this one slow. She's SUCH a nice, amazing person, who herself has gone through a lot of rough times. We're both nervous, but we really want to try and make something of this. :) Thanks!
     
  7. CastorTroy

    CastorTroy New Member

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    Go, have a good time, and be yourself. There is naturally some nervousness and awkwardness on the first date, but you two seem into each other so it'll play out fine. Once the second, third, fourth, etc dates come around you'll laugh at yourself for feeling the way you did initially :)
     
  8. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    this might have more pressure since its been built up so much. everythings gone well so far, but ultimately its not practical. she looks good on paper, and friday will be the test to see if it tanslates well to real life.

    perhaps aggreeing to have a second date, even if the first one goes shitty would help take some of the pressure off?
     
  9. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    I'm always myself, and it's made a great impression on her. Just thinking about his date has me smiling like a fool! But I have butterflies --- and I don't normally get them. lol Maybe it's Karma? :dunno:
     
  10. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    Aw -- please don't be pessimistic --- I'm keeping my head afloat here with optimism.
     
  11. bowrofl

    bowrofl New Member

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    Good luck dude... don't let the nerves overtake you. From what you say, she seems to like you, so you don't have anything to worry about!
     
  12. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    :bigthumb::bigthumb::bigthumb:
     
  13. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    no :rofl: im sure it will be fine. just thinking of why there might be so much pressure :o


    good luck :bigthumb:
     
  14. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    Sorry to bring this up, then, but you also need to be mindful of one more thing:

    She is also going to be looking at and thinking of you in the light of looking for a new daddy for her daughter. Granted that isn't her only motive, but it IS something she'll be considering in addition to the dynamic between just the two of you.

    So my question to you is: have you considered if you are prepared/willing to tackle this role? If you are, that's great... but be aware of the baggage and responsibility that comes with a situation such as this, where you are essentially going to have to fall in love with TWO people, not just one if the whole deal is to work.

    Personaly I am not a "kid" person, so it isn't a dynamic I think I could deal with; but it depends on your personality I suppose. Just thought I'd remind you of that.

    :hs:
     
  15. CastorTroy

    CastorTroy New Member

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    Butterflies are a sign of nervousness or a natural feeling of enlightenment, both of which you're probably feeling.
     
  16. Hootahz314

    Hootahz314 I have daddy issues

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    Way to stereotype there...Not all of us go out with a guy based on whether he would make a good father. In reality most women can and do take care of their own children just fine without the paternal role present.

    Anyway, congrats on your date!!! Just be yourself and the rest will fall in to place. Don't place too much emphasis on trying not to be nervous, that only backfires, just chill.. relax, the hard part is over and she has seen you fit to take her out. :) That feeling of nerves in your stomach aren't due to the stress of impressing her... you have what is commonly referred to as a..... (gasp) CRUSH!!! That is soo sweet and I hope all works out for you, after all you've been through, you deserve this. Keep that in mind and just go with it. Have fun ya lucky bastard!! :mamoru:
     
  17. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    Way to take one small part of my post and yank it out of context, and then proceed to needlessly bash me with it as a result of your inability to comprehend the english language.

    Go back, read it over, try again. Just so you know, I'm in a situation where only my mother is around to raise me (my dad died when I was 14) so I know damn well that women can and do have the ability to take care of their children. The point I was trying to make (and the part you apparently didn't have the ability to grasp) was that any responsible single parent has to realize and admit that when they enter into a relationship, and when that relationship may become serious (even potentially to the point of marriage) it's one factor they WILL be thinking about. They wouldn't want to subject their kid(s) to a man who is irresponsible and not a good role model to have around them and being part of their lives.

    Maybe you're just saying that you aren't a responsible single parent, I don't know, but what I'm saying is true.
     
  18. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    She's done a supremely amazing job raising this little girl by herself. She's 6, and since she was 4 she could name all the bones in the human body, and wants to bea bone specialist when she grows up.

    She even said she's not looking for a father for her, but a man for herself. The girl's father sees her about once a month, and hasn't played an active role in her upbringing, and that has been a good thing cuz this kid's SMART!

    And last night we talked for hours again, and we got to the root of her fear about this date. Like I said before, she hasn't been ever on a date. Turns out, she didn't know what to expect, and she asked me what I was expecting sexually on this date. I told her I never expect sex on the first date! I said that should be saved for when 2 people get to know each other better and get more intimate. She was so relieved!! And a lot of the fear vanished from her face. She's now really looking forward to our date.
    :big grin:
     
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2006
  19. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    We all get nervous man. Get past that by thinking of this like 2 people hanging out, who happen to like each other to begin with. When you put pressure on each other like it's a job interview then it sucks.

    And about the kid thing, I agree that you should just think that over carefully. You're still a long ways away from marrying this woman, but suddenly adopting the role of a father figure to this girl is a HUGE thing that demands you to grow up pretty fast.
     
  20. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    Heh ---- we're both 32. But we've been hitting it off SOOO nicely, we're at least gonna give this a try.
     
  21. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Although I wish you the best, I think it's kind of soon actually.
    Both of you are likely reading extra intensity into things because of your mutual painful breakups.

    You need this. You need the healing.

    The sex WILL be mindblowing -- although it'll be more like two souls communing, rather than some Cirque du Soleil gymnastic act.

    Just don't overcommit yourself. You might find yourself thinking "you're EVERYTHING she never was, you're PERFECT!!!".

    In truth, no one is actually perfect. But anyways....
    Go ahead. Enjoy it.
    Just keep one foot on the ground.


    & good luck.
     
  22. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    Age is not the issue really. You can probably ask any parent here, single or married, how it has impacted their lives, and I'd wager it's probably more then you or I could imagine.

    I'm older then you are and I still question if I'm ready. Whereas I'm sure there are people who've had kids in their teens who end up as awesome parents. The issue here is just as someone else had said here....get to know her, but should it move further, be prepared that there's a little one that will suddenly depend on you too.

    Just be careful is all.... good luck.
     
  23. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    Thanks! We've both decided to take this slowly, so we'll know if it's too fast, too soon, or if it's meant to be.
     
  24. Coconut Endo

    Coconut Endo OT Supporter

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    Good luck man, what will you be doing on the date? Dinner, etc.?
     
  25. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    :bowdown: exactly...

    the pressure is due to the fact you are imagining that she is perfection. go out, have a great time, and get to know the REAL, WHOLE her. :)
     

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