Hate him but Love him too

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by HMYleid3e, Jan 29, 2005.

  1. HMYleid3e

    HMYleid3e Guest

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    I have been going out with this guy for almost two years. Most of this relationship I havent been happy. Here is a little background, I am asian, a college student who moved to LA to go to school, that is where I met my bf. I am the type of girl that is always down to go out to do stuff and party and just have a lot of fun. I love to go crazy, get drunk off my ass, but I am also serious about school. The motto goes, work hard party hard. On the other hand my bf is tall and handsome, computer savvy, he likes to stay in and just relax at home. So we are two extremes, the problem is that he ALWAYS wants to stay home. He never wants to go anywhere with me. And I am new to LA so I thought that he would be able to take me places and show me around, but its been 2 years and I do not feel as if I have realli seen LA yet.

    I have become so FED UP with him and his boringness, everyday it is the same thing, he doesnt want to do anything. When I want to go to a party he never wants to go, and for those that have a bf, it makes you feel good when you go to the club and have your boyfriend to have fun with and get freaky with. With me I just go to the club with my friends and spend the whole night turning guys away coz I have a Boyfriend. This relationship is so lame and boring. There was this one time when I wanted to go to the San Diego Zoo, coz, who doesnt like animals. his relpy was, I've been there already and it isnt that cool. So we never went. It is sad that I try and do things with him that he likes yet when it comes to things that I have interest in, he doesnt give a donkey's ass. I always cry because of his unconsiderate personality and he always seems to hurt me.

    On the other hand, I love him so much. It has been two years and I have grown to love him so0o0o0o dearly. He is my everything, and I have become dependent on him, although that sounds bad, I mean that I like being with him and doing things with him. And when he isnt around I feel lonely. This might sound lame but I am sure there are people out there that feel me.

    There has been many times when I want to just break up with him so I can hurt him for all the times he has hurt me. BUt I know that would be devestated, I know that we wont be together forever, but do I really want to end things now?

    I hate him for who he is, but I still love him and adore the way he loves me and the way he looks at me. He sweeps me off me feet when he kisses me, I love him so much.

    Please help :sad2:
     
  2. niXon

    niXon OT Supporter

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    I think you answered your own question :)
     
  3. Fearan

    Fearan Guest

    Well get your priorities straight. I understand your bf... I can really relate to the whole not-partying type thing. Some people don't enjoy it, if you want a relationship with a whole lot of partying discuss it with him or move on. But know that you will lose him forever if you do leave, and he's probably not easy to replace later on.

    It all depends on your priorities. Personally, I enjoy a night with my gf or hanging out with my buddies quietly watching movies than wasting my hard earned money on boooze I'll piss away in 2 hours.
     
  4. BedBunny

    BedBunny Guest

    i think a love/hate relationship is destined to fail. sorry, i don't think you want to hear that, but you will always feel resentment. do you want to feel that way the rest of your life?
     
  5. MattyCakes

    MattyCakes Guest

    Your in college and can't spell INconsiderate
     
  6. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    You know parties really are for single people only. When I was single, I use to go to parties all the time. But when I got a girl friend I stop going. Because parties and clubs are fucking single people to get drunk and hook up. Maybe your boyfriend does not want to go with you to a party to see guys hit on you even tho he is there, because they will. And you sound like a person who would not be like stop hitting on me because its all in good fun. But that can really hurt your boyfriend. Anyways, the point is you really have no bussines going to parties anymore if you are truely happy with your boyfriend, just being with him watching a movie or hanging with a few people at the crib should be more the enough.
     
  7. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    But one thing about going to the zoo. If my girlfriend asked me to take her somewhere I have been and I did not hate the place I would have glady take her to see her happy but thats just me and I am a push over :-/
     
  8. JustaMeThang

    JustaMeThang New Member

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    You love him, care deeply for him, depend on him and are lonely when he's notaround....but is it possible that you simply arent in love with him? Justa thought.
     
  9. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    communication is key... you need to let him know how you feel.

    :dunno: if he's not interested in parties and clubs, etc, there really isn't going to be a way to change his mind. on the other hand, you might be able to compromise about going out and doing things together, ie the zoo. just let him know that you want to go OUT on more date like excursions.

    best of luck! :)
     
  10. uf20wop

    uf20wop OT Supporter

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    you're on OT and can't spell you're :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
     
  11. NeoPaladin

    NeoPaladin New Member

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    Umm... how is he inconsiderate and you're not? Sounds to me like you're doing the exact same thing that he's doing to you. Because he doesn't want to go to some stupid club and pay $40+ to get you both in, and then another $8 per shot, he's inconsiderate?

    And then, meanwhile, you're out tramping it up with your friends. And he's inconsiderate. Uh-huh. :rolleyes:

    Just out of curiosity, why did you start a serious relationship with this guy if you knew that this was a major conflict of personality issue. I get the impression that prior to him, you weren't too experienced in relationships.

    Best of luck on reaching a consensus, but I doubt it's going to happen. Consider this whole thing a learning experience.
     
  12. BedBunny

    BedBunny Guest

    : owned :
     
  13. BTA

    BTA New Member

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    Once you get out of the "i wanna party every night" phase you'll be pissed you threw this guy away.

    I'm willing to bet he'd gladly go to clubs or what not with you if it wasnt an every night or weekend thing for you.

    But whatever, just dump him and save him the frustration.
     
  14. Killa B

    Killa B Abuse This!

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    I think that's kind of how my ex felt about me, when were together we just chilled by ourselves a lot and never really partied together. We broke up she told me it was her needing to find her self, but I know it was because our relationship got boring and she wanted to meet new people. She loves how much I love her, but not really the person I am. So a year later, All I do is party with my friends and have fun and wish that we did that more when we were together, because we probably would still be together.
     
  15. AngelsWing

    AngelsWing New Member

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    Good advice... Just open up to him, and if this relationship means enough to you, you guys will find a way to make it work... Compromising will probably be the best of both worlds for both of you...
     
  16. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    You guys are not compatible. If he pretends to be someone he isn't, he's not going to be happy either. Neither of you should have to make compromises at this age
     
  17. cuz

    cuz Guest

    i think you should really talk to him about it, not just casually mention it in anger but really sit down with him and tell him everything you ahve told us, shee what he has to say about it, maybe knowing what you are thinking, how you have been thinking about breaking up over this will make him realize how much this means to yo. i think she would make a little more effort after knowing how much this bothers you, and if not, you will know that he doesnt really care about your feelings that much and you should move on.
     
  18. IslanderOffRoad

    IslanderOffRoad Do you even lift kit? OT Supporter

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    Sounds like he's grown up and you haven't yet.
     
  19. Lyzardegod

    Lyzardegod Guest

    You're a hottie and like Battlefield 1942! Your cuteness aside, I'd have to say you're in the right to be pissed about him sitting at home all the time. $21 bucks a person to go to a zoo is not that expensive and spend a little quality time watching the monkeys.

    Sure, you can sit at home and never see L.A and be perceived as a nice grown up and mature because you don't go out and party every night. Do it while you can because most of my friends hit the 25-35 mark and now go to bed at 11pm where that used to be the time when we were going out. There's nothing wrong with getting to bed at 11pm or earlier if that's your thing. Everyone is a little older now and more content with chilling out in a relaxed environment because we've gone out and done the things that--at the time--were fun, adventurous and immature.

    End it with him now and make a clean break of it. Guys that are head over heels like to see their woman happy and you are not happy. Hell, I hate going out in boats but if my S/O reaaaallly wanted to go deep sea fishing I would.

    If you go out and enjoy your life on your own terms you'll never be alone. People are attracted to happy and content people. And even if you do end up alone for a couple of years without a serious commitment to anyone until you get out of school it will be a damn fine adventure. Only you can make you happy. If you can't be content being single you'll never be content in a relationship.
     
  20. NeoPaladin

    NeoPaladin New Member

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    Dude... it's not an issue of it "being their thing" to go to bed early. It's just that some people have to work in the morning. Waking up at 7:30 after you've been on a drunken bender the night before is something that I pulled when I worked summer jobs in college, but it doesn't really fly quite as well in a real job.

    As she herself says, she's still in college. She doesn't really know crap about the real world, that much is for sure. As soon as she graduates, and mommy and daddy aren't paying for anything anymore, she'll be in for a big shock about how expensive it is to be going out every night.
     
  21. Big Red

    Big Red New Member

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    I can somewhat understand where you are coming from. The age difference between my hubby and I is almost 10 years and he has been in the military for all of that. He has been to Korea and got to party it up over there and then he was deployed to Saudi and got over his partying phase. I, on the other hand had a kid at a very young age and have not had much time to go out and stuff. But there are some big differences between us. The fact that my kids won't be this little for long and my hubby leaves for Iraq in less than a week. When you realize the things that are truly important to you, you will understand why he is the way he is.
     
  22. HMYleid3e

    HMYleid3e Guest

    What I mean by him being INCONSIDERATE is that, it seems that I always compromise to his needs, if he wants to stay home then it is cool. I am a pretty chill person and I am down for anything. But it just seems that he doesnt see my needs, he does not compromise that ok one day we will stay home and watch movies and the next day we will party. He just wants to chilll all day. that kinda thing.

    I like this guy, he is funnie and sweet. He cares for me a lot and I am the same way for him. I guess it is just our social lives that are different and conflicting, But I think that communication is the key to starting to try and work this out.



    BUt yah thanks to all the replies, it is really appreciated. and it has also helped a lot.
     
  23. Bella

    Bella New Member

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    Where do you want me baby?!
    :hs:
     
  24. BiffHenderson

    BiffHenderson New Member

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    Yep.
     
  25. Dont Go Away

    Dont Go Away New Member

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    You used YOUR incorrectly...should've been you're
     

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