"Hard-to-get" ... the horrible disinterest paradox

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by JohnJohnJohnson, Sep 10, 2006.

  1. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Something that has always given me much anxiety was the knowledge that I was broadcasting too much interest towards the people who interested me. Too eager to please, to afraid to look bad, all these behaviors lead people to turn away from you. Thus we arrive at this strange fucking paradox:

    You must actually, genuinely, and honestly not care about whether or not somebody likes you, if you want them to like you.

    I have so much trouble reconciling this in my head that I find it nearly impossible to lower my approval-seeking body language and mannerisms. Does anyone else have this dilemma?
     
  2. Paulblo

    Paulblo OT Supporter

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    that's not true
     
  3. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    i wish i had experience that suggested this
     
  4. StealingBread

    StealingBread New Member

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    I don't believe it...

    When a guy I like acts disinterested I assume he's just that and forget about him. But when he acts interested, and as if he cares, and persists to win me over, I normally do fall for him... -ahem- This has only happend twice, but i've only had 2 real relationships. So 2/2!
     
  5. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    that's cool ... one of my ex's was like that.
     
  6. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    Not caring is a hard transition to make, but there are other ways to achieve the same result.

    If you don't want to show disinterest, then qualifying her will work just as well. Make her qualify herself to you. The most common qualifier I use is simple. It annoys me how many women act prestigous simply because they are pretty, so I will say "You are pretty, but beauty is such a common thing these days. It's not impressive anymore. What are some things you can say about yourself that would make me want to get to know you?" That, or anything else that makes her try to convince you to like her. A girl who is not interested in you wouldn't care too much. Qualifying to me almost seems like cheating, because it is the easiest way to make a girl subconsciencely attracted to you.

    One quote Rick H, a very successful man with women, said during an interview with David D in the "Interviews with Dating Guru's series, "You MUST qualify to be attractive."

    You should still try to show disinterest (not all the time, but you're good enough with women to know how much is enough) at times, but do more qualifying until you are comfortable.
     
  7. xinster

    xinster New Member

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    Ive had this happen (not showing enough interest, so they just leave). This happens because you didn't get her interested enough in the first place.


    You play it Hot-Cold-Hot-Cold

    It's not so much you dont care about the person, but you just cant seem too eager and desperate. You gotta have your own life, and make them just a small part of it.


    For ex. at a PARTY (sausagefest)

    girl is hit on 50x

    mr. alpha says something witty "Hey, you look bored. Wow, you must be like totally expecting me to hit on you or something, huh? That's pretty funny."

    walks away

    girl is continually hit on

    only 1 of em stood out, so yeah, either she's gonna go for him, or he totally sucks
     
  8. Lindsay Loham

    Lindsay Loham New Member

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    I've noticed with myself that I tend to show more interest in people who initially showed interest in me.
     
  9. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    Follow this rule:

    Get your validation from your life, not your woman.


    This will help you subcommunicate non-needyness throughout everything you do.
     
  10. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    I just recently understood the bolded statement and I find it to be true. I was so concerned about trying to win people/guys over
     
  11. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    :bowdown:
     
  12. erobbins

    erobbins Active Member

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    hard to get = why should I bother, there's no interest

    I'll move on.
     
  13. JJM Enterprises

    JJM Enterprises New Member

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    I think this matters alot on the person you are showing the interest in. Some people just love the attention from everyone (attn whores), but some love the attention AND will actually respond to it in a good way. Some want you when you will give them everything, and some only want you when it seems like they can't get you - kind of like a challenge... so you just have to figure out which type of person you're dealing with, and attack it from that perspective.
     
  14. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    I have no idea :hs: I know nothing about guns except that I like the look of them. sorry
     
  15. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    The point is to display self-confidence and you are not needy or desperate in desiring this other person. It's important to make a genuine connection to people you like, but you don't do that by (a) smothering them or (b) ignoring them.
     
  16. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I typically don't like people in general, and I think I give off "don't talk to me" vibes. People rarely approach me. I would say that acting uninterested doesn't bring me more attention.

    Or maybe this only applies in relationship settings.
     

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