SRS Happiness

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Zaffir, Feb 19, 2006.

  1. Zaffir

    Zaffir OT Supporter

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    I read the sticky thread on happiness. I'd like to think that I have already figured out most of what it had to say.

    I used to try to "fill the void" with material goods. I ran out of money and realized that i wasn't any happier with all of the useless junk I bought. My father was the same way, but i don't think he ever came to the realization that I did. I've been ebaying shit he bought up until the day he died, most of it unopened even though he'd had it for years. Nowadays I'm far more frugal, and what i do spend my money on is really worthwhile.

    For example: My cars have always been way more than i need for A to B driving, but very enjoyable and therapeutic to drive. But i placed an unhealthy value on them: At one point in my life i would have cried if anything happened to my "baby." I've gotten past that (good thing too - my brother wrapped her around a tree last summer, thankfully nobody was seriously hurt).

    Another example: My next big purchase will likely be a new guitar. When depressed i used to go poking around thinkgeek.com for "something to buy." Now i grab a guitar and absorb myself in a piece of music I want to learn.

    If I believe in any sort of higher power, it's the karma system the sticky described. Do unto others and all that good stuff. I try very hard to live by that. I'm fair, courteous, open, caring, all of that. Sometimes almost too much - i am not quite assertive enough at times, though i have gotten better at this in recent years.

    I feel my job is one area that's solid evidence for this. I work in IT, and the majority of my time is spent doing tech support for our users. Our users HATE the IT department with a passion (we deserve some of it, but not much). And yet they absolutely love me. I don't talk down to them for not knowing even the most basic of basic things pertaining to computers, I'm always good natured, responsive to their problems, willing to listen to their complaints, etc. etc. They usually show their appreciation (some don't, but they're your typical sand-in-vagina-old-lady types).

    My friends say the same things about me - they generally like my company, i'm apparently a good guy to be around.

    I'm always telling people life is too short, live it up. Relationships and experiences are what matter. No regrets... throw in any other cliches that you think fit. James Dean once said "Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today." That's my philosophy for life.

    And yet i'm not happy.

    I think the problem is I'm scared to death of not having any good experiences or relationships. Getting older scares the SHIT out of me, and I'm only 20. I feel like I've already missed out on so much in life, and each day that goes by is more opportunity passing me by. I almost focus so much on leading a fun, quality life that my life is made worse by it when i can't do what I strive to do (be the thing stopping me my own personal fears and insecurities, or some external factor beyond my control).

    Does that even make sense?
     
  2. 2500

    2500 Guest

    yeah, we share alot of the same shit man. i am WAY too into cars, and would put them infront of anything. besides friends and family, but still, my car is my life. i also believe in karma, but i find it making me even less happy because if someone trips, i can't even laugh cuz i'm afraid of karma, and then i'll trip. i always think theres some higher power out to get me and shit. and, i'm 23, and think i've wasted my life already. i'm too old to do anything. logically, thats not true, i'm still young enough to do anything i want. but, i know what ya feel, and its shitty, but, everything will work out.
     
  3. Jay Pheezy

    Jay Pheezy New Member

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    At least you already know what's on your mind without denying it. It's good you got over being addicted to material possesions. Now, you know what you want to do: you want to live it up before you die. There's no room to be scared of growing old. Sure, time does pass quick, but if you just stop spendingi so much time thinking ab out that, you'll be able to do what you want to. If you feel like you've missed out on certain things, make a list of them and begin to try and do them.
     
  4. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    HA! Wait until you reach 50. 20 years old is the time to start exploring the wrold around you, travel, do what you want to do, learn, so at least by the time you reach 50, you can say to yourself "Hmmm...the last 30 years were pretty decent."
     
  5. scaryice

    scaryice New Member

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    Yeah but the thing is, you can't rewrite the past. And I know you're supposed to be like the Lion King, "Hakuna Matata," but the fact is, if you sucked at something or didn't do something when you were younger, you will never have the chance to go through that ever at that age. That's pretty depressing, and of course something that depressing ruins the future by making you worry even more about the stuff that could or could not happen. I suppose it depends on what mood you're in when you think about it.

    Actually, it's kinda like the Winter Olympics. Like in the snowboarding half pipe, you get two runs. So if you screw up the first one, there's immense pressure on you for the second. You HAVE to preform well in that one. Some people crack under the pressure.

    Zaffir, the good thing is that you know exactly what you need to do. You tell other people to live the kind of life you want to have. As someone who's been through the same thing, now you just need to shut the fuck up and go do it yourself.
     
  6. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    Actually, when I think about it, I have experienced a lot more than my contemporaries. Perhaps it is becase when I was in my 20s and 30s I did what I wanted to do. Do I have regrets? I have an education, a good job and an active mind, would I trade it for a house in the suburbs, 3 boys, a large dog, a Volvo Stationwagon and a CPA for a husband that commutes? No.
    If you're in your 20s...I urge you to go out there and explore, learn all you can, have f-u-n, so that when you are 80 and sitting in your rocking chair you won't have regrets.
     
  7. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    try to think about the positives. you made great progress fitness wise. try and build some confidence from that (easier said than done). i was a former fatty myself and i know you probably still think you look like shit. but try and think of how far you've come :)
     
  8. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    You don't have to be scared to 'miss' anything in life or about getting older. In the end you are the one who defines your life, that power was laid down into the place where it belongs, namely in your hands. Don't be afraid of the things that you can't control in life,like death or natural disasters. Only occupy yourself with the things you CAN do something about. Never look at the things you don't have in life, look at the things you DO have. Because if there is one thing that is truelly a waste of life then its worrying itself. All the people that didn't worry and did worry who lived in the year 1600 have ALL died, without exeption meaning that the end result, namely death was the same. + i doubt that these people lived happier lives by worrying, even Jesus told us that with worrying we cannot add even 1 minute to our lives. We often impose these worries upon ourselves or allow others to force their worries and concerns on us. That doesn't mean we shouldn't listen to them, but we have to be carefull not to catch the darkness that other people impose on us.


    When i read your thread i thought about Daniel Rosenbilts near death experience, http://www.near-death.com/rosenblit.html
     
  9. Zaffir

    Zaffir OT Supporter

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    See, this is what my problem is. I KNOW all of that. I *want* good use out of all of my time. But i feel like crap because I have all of these things I want to do, and I haven't done them. There's experiences I should have had by now, and haven't. I don't want to be the bitter old man who is sad and depressed because he wasted his life.

    After some thinking, I've come to the conclusion that this is what needs to happen. I'm worrying about missing out, and yet often times I'm too scared to do things I want, and I end up doing nothing.

    I need to figure out how to force myself to sack up and go for it. Also, I need to learn to not get depressed about it if I wimp out, because that only begets more fear and anxiety. I can see this pattern play out as it happens, now to do something about it.

    Thank you for your responses everyone. Keep them coming, if you're so inclined :)
     
  10. scaryice

    scaryice New Member

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    Step #1: Less posting here, more actual living.
     
  11. McFly

    McFly New Member

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    Wow this really hit me. I have felt and do feel exactly like this at times. Especially about the getting older and not having the relationships or experiences. Seems like the older we get the more responsibilities we aquire... I am trying to live the "keep things simple and have fun" kind of life. I am 29 and maybe I am living it too simple. I do travel quite a bit but the thing I am really missing is good relationships with people - guys/girls both. I have watched all my close friends get married and they just fade from your life. That is hard to deal with at times.

    It feels like the older I get, the harder it is to meet people and form these relationships. That and me not wanting to jump into a serious relationship right away with a girl is hard to do. They all want something pretty serious and rather quickly. Damn have I been learning this the hard way.

    My advice to you: yes you are young and have so much potential, you are going to have many doors and windows of opportunity to walk and jump through. It can take time, be patient. Please take advantage of them when they arise. The only regret I have had in life is that I let too many opportunities slip away. Take advantage!
     
  12. Zaffir

    Zaffir OT Supporter

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    Nowadays i post here when I've got nothing to do at work, or for a bit before i sleep at night. The past few days have been an exception - i'm out of town visiting family and have a lot of down time with not much to do.

    OT is really a "last resort" for when I'm bored.
     
  13. Nightmist

    Nightmist Power Metal Crew >* \m/ \m/

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    Wow this thread really shows exactly what i am feeling. I am scared to get old and miss opportunities in life and if I miss one then I get depressed and dwell on it. I question everything I do, which is a problem. I worry that I will regret not doing things or take advantage of things. I know I should look on the things that I have done and be proud but its hard because I tend to always see the things I havent done and want to experience. Im just scared that I will miss out on certain opportunities and feel that I should have done certain things by a certain age, ex. finish college, have a career, get married, etc.... At least I see that there are others out there who feel the same way. I wish I could just look at all the good things I have accomplished and forget about not accomplishing something. Im sure having years of low self esteem and no confidence have a large part in this and only in the past year have I really started to have a healthy mindset. I guess I expect happiness over night but that just isnt life now is it.
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2006
  14. CodyPGA

    CodyPGA Just Point Me To The First Tee And Tell Me What Th

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    WOW

    A lot of what you and others have described is EXACTLY what I have been going through for so long, the fears and feelings of inadequacy. I am 22 but I always feel so old and unaccomplished, like life and opportunities for real accomplishment are over. I too have tried to use material possessions for catharsis but of course "things don't fill the holes" in your life. I am also constantly comparing myself to others my age and younger, and of course this makes it worse because there are so many accomplished young people in this world. Meh, I guess this doesn't yet bring complete catharsis but it is interesting to know that others have similar feelings.
     
  15. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    In our haste we often pass the trees and the oceans without enjoying many of the beautifull things this life has to offer, but they resemble exactly the calmness we have to bring into our lives, the calmness in building up our spiritual growth like a tree, and the patience of a calm ocean. Often we need to take a step back in life and 'rethink' what we are doing, like 'are these demands of society imposed on me , really REALLY what i want in my life to be controlled by? More then we should we often impose 'rediculous' demands upon ourselves. A typical life ->

    i want to do this, this this this and that and that and that in my life, and if it doesn't happen i will feel sad and dissapointed.

    If we take a 'step' back and bring our lives back in a pace that we want to live in, one will come back to a natural state of 'one selves true frequency and take in consideration what is 'REALISTICALLY' achievable in our lives. The oceans don't seem to be in a hurry, nor are the trees in their growth, yet society seems to chase us like blood hounds and lets us run like escaped convicts asif there is no 'limit' to how hard and how far we can go. Naturally this exhausts people in life giving them the impression their entire lives are passing by. While in reality there is no hurry other then the haste that you let others ,society or yourself oppose on you.

    In other words its a self imposed HELL , to demand unrealistical superman achievements from yourself. People like this have to realise they are 'only human', you can only do 'so and so much' on a day, and so like building a pyramid you can only put down a few blocks a day ,everyday for a longer extended period of time, and then for those who have learned that persistance is the key to achieve things, they can actually achieve what they want to achieve because they believe in themselves, and therefore do not need 'others' to establish or confirm this. This dependance of what others or society think about you in the form of critisism is a hell in its own.

    Start defining your own life, as such achievement will become an accessoire in life rather then a abolute hell opposed on oneselves. Because when you think of it 'nothing' in nature , not the animals nor the trees have to 'achieve' anything in life, so why would we as humans torture ourselves in achieving things putting tremendous misery in our lives by overpressurizing our daily experiences into making us 'NEVER' experience joy from anything. Succesfull people enjoy that what they truelly want in life.

    How many people are send into suicide because of school? The misery and pressure so many students are into doing things they absolutely do not want to do or want to be, sends them in off balance and is horribly underestimated.

    I hope you come to the conclusion that many achievements aren't worth wasting your time on,hence regretting them. It would be better to love and help other people, and not force yourself to achieve things, that way you might live a simpler yet happier life. Choose eggs for your money.
     

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