Hanging out with opposite sex while in relationship

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Riconosuave, Sep 22, 2009.

  1. Riconosuave

    Riconosuave New Member

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    Would you care if you're bf/gf hung out with someone of the opposite sex? I've been with my gf for 3 months now, and she recently told me that she doesn't feel comfortable with me hanging out 1 on 1 with a female friend of mine. It's strictly a platonic relationship with this female, but we did sleep with each other over a year ago. She also stays overnight at my place sometimes. She sleeps on the sofa, while I sleep in my bed. Sometimes her other female friends stay over too, since I have plenty of room at my house. How would you feel if your SO was in this situation?
     
  2. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    Hanging out is one thing, being at your place and sleeping over is another. I would not like it at all. I mean the trust level should be really really high for me to let that happen. But even then, I would not understand why does she have to sleep at his place. Would you be OK if she did the same to you? Be honest!
     
  3. themolsen

    themolsen New Member

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    Normally, I would never care. I've always trusted who I'm with. BUT since you slept with her in the past, I can understand the hesitation your girl is having. I would have the same hesitation if I was in a young relationship, and maybe even in a LTR.

    Honestly, you haven't been together that long so you probably haven't earned her trust yet. Try talking to her about it and finding out what exactly her fears are...ask if there's anything you can do (short of not seeing this girl) to help dispel her fears.

    Relationships are all about teamwork and sometimes compromise, but you shouldn't have to compromise your friendship with someone
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Question: What do you and this girl "friend" generally do when "hanging out?"

    Also, how would you feel about her having a guy "friend" (that she fucked a year ago) sleeping in her place?
     
  5. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    sometimes two guy friends:mamoru:
     
  6. Toxica

    Toxica New Member

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    Exactly my thoughts.
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    hah, I'm not worried about the other girl friend....what matters is he supposedly has a "platonic" relationship with a girl he had sex with just a year ago :hsugh:
     
  8. Bob Brown

    Bob Brown bewshit, bewshit, bewshit

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    In your situation, if I was your girl, I too would not feel comfortable with you hanging out alone with a girl you banged before.

    Personally, my feelings of a girl I am with hanging out with a dude......is on a case by case basis. Sometimes, okay with it, other times, OH HELL NO!
     
  9. themolsen

    themolsen New Member

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    This is why you don't tell your girlfriend about every girl you've fucked. My ex never knew I fucked my best friend for 3 or 4 months at least a year before I even met my ex. She even asked me and I lied and said no... it's the only lie I ever told her, but I don't regret it. Saved me a shit ton of drama and bullshit that would have happened had I told her the truth about the past.
     
  10. JoJoBee

    JoJoBee Hanging out with my chicks! OT Supporter

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    yeah, the bf and I really don't care about it... It all boils down to trust and communication really.
     
  11. LudaMan

    LudaMan Active Member

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    My best friend is a girl, and my gf is totally cool with it. She even sleeps over at my place sometimes too.

    Differences between my situation and yours:

    1.Never slept with her.
    2. My gf and my best friend are good friends too, which really helps the situation.
     
  12. Lindsay Loham

    Lindsay Loham New Member

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    I would be completely uncomfortable with that situation.
     
  13. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    yeah, you slept with her. That's not a completely platonic relationship even if you aren't having sex now.
     
  14. Riconosuave

    Riconosuave New Member

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    After thinking about it, I wouldn't like it if one of her guy friends stayed over at her place, especially, if they've had sex in the past. A little while ago, she asked me about this friend, and I told her nothing happened. But I'm really starting to care about my GF, so I wanted to tell her the truth and for everything to be out in the open. Maybe should have just kept it to myself, but I felt bad. Didn't want to keep the lie, since it's still early in the relationship. She didn't like the fact that I had lied about the situation.

    When we hang out, we play video games, watch movies, or go out to eat some food. She sleeps downstairs on my couch, while I sleep upstairs in my bed. My GF said I could still hang out with her, but she didn't want my friend to come to my place, and definitely didn't want her to stay over anymore. It's fine. I'd rather be with my GF.
     
  15. peoplescar

    peoplescar Guest

    I don't really like it too much but i don't really have a choice, plus I trust my gf.

    Sleeping over would not be tolerated though. /relationship.

    If you aren't willing to change then that person is not right for you. If its really no big deal then just don't let it continue.
     
  16. saosko

    saosko OT Supporter

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    should have never told you're gf about the past relations you had with your friend.
     
  17. Riconosuave

    Riconosuave New Member

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    There is a small chance that she would find out in the future anyways. I'd rather tell her now then have her find out months from now. Besides, my friend is acting very cold and distant towards me. She still has feelings for me, and she now knows I've been seeing someone. Don't think she's too happy about it.
     
  18. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Well people have different boundaries and comfort levels, that's why its very important to set them clearly when starting and before starting a relationship. You've been together for years and out of nowhere this is only an issue now? That means something is up and for what ever reason she all of a sudden has less trust, ask yourself and ask her, why this is so.

    I have may female friends, of course 1-2 which I generally hang out with every couple of weeks. This should not be a problem especially if you make it clear in the beginning of the relationship.
     
  19. freckleface

    freckleface expose the raw nerve and get on with our lives...

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    Sounds to me like you know better. YOu told your gf cause you want her to be the one to blame. That way you can tell your friend that it is because of your gf. But you really want her to stop hanging out due to thing getting complicated after you two had sex and now you are stoked about another chick. IMO
     
  20. Riconosuave

    Riconosuave New Member

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    Not years. Known this girl less than 3 months. Been BF/GF 1 month. I can't change anything now. What's done is done. This allowed us to communicate a bit better and now we know each others' boundaries. She was upset for maybe 20-30 minutes. Now, everything seems to be back to normal.
     
  21. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    I'm with your gf on this.
     
  22. knucks

    knucks Active Member

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    totally understandable for her to not be okay with it...
     
  23. alkalinesolo

    alkalinesolo Active Member

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    hanging out with the opposite sex is fine.
    hanging out with a woman you've slept with and having her stay the night at your house is definitely crossing the line.
     
  24. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    you need to get these women sexually comfortable with each other. It will pay off big for you on nights you 3 are left in a drunken haze.
     
  25. themolsen

    themolsen New Member

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    Now THERE'S an idea
     

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