hanging out with a girl, we fucked... how can i determine her motives?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by sexhaver420, Nov 28, 2006.

  1. sexhaver420

    sexhaver420 Buying stuff I don't need, with money I don't have OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2004
    Messages:
    3,748
    Likes Received:
    0
    warning: this thread is REALLY long but if you read it and reply, and give me some insight you will be in my good graces :bigthumb:

    I really dont know where this girl stands, and I'm trying follow a guideline of mine (dont mention a relationship, wait til she brings it up) Basically I met this girl at a party, got her number and s/n, we didnt really talk much... we forgot everything we said to eachother. Nothing happend but it did lead to another event. I asked her if she wanted to hang out, she agreed.
    I asked her what she wanted to do, i proposed a bunch of things, go out and watch a movie, have dinner, have a drink or make it a blockbuster night. Anyways she said she just wanted to rent a movie and watch it at my house.
    Before she left she asked "wait were just gonna cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie, right?" I thought she was being a bit too easy saying she wants to come over to my house the first time we hang out and cuddle up on my couch and watch a movie but whatever... the next thing she did that put the idea in my mind that was easy was that she drove a good 20 minutes to my house to hang out... usually its the gentle-man thing to pick the lady up... and i even offered to pick her up. This was at the time when I still wasnt that trustworthy of her I even gave her a fake address and then told her I'd meet her at starbucks, then I let her follow me home. Anyways we picked out a horror movie and went back to my house to watch it. We cuddled up on the couch and watched it, during the movie I gave her a hand massage because she said her hand hurt. After the movie I gave her a back massage and then while massaging her I said "turn around so i can kiss you" (even though most people wouldnt approve of this method I felt confident saying it and it seemed natural to me so thats what matters) anyways we kissed by the fire, didnt really go further than that, then she went home.

    We set another date for friday and we agreed to finish the movie at my house. Before I left for her house I honestly didnt really expect her to show so I bought her some flowers, so I can leave them there if she doesnt show up, and secondly because it was black friday and they were like $5. When I got out of the car I said, "Oh I did buy one thing for black friday, wanna see?" and gave her the flowers. Before the movie we explored my house a little and we went to my room and chilled a bit, she snooped around in my drawers and on my computer (with me present there of course) then we started another fire as the previews were playing and I said "well theres nothing to do now but wait... and you know we can do while we wait" so I started making out with her and then picked her up and threw her on the couch. One thing lead to another and we started making love. FIRST TIME I GOT LAID IN LIKE 6 MONTHS. anyways, even though I hadnt had sex in what felt like forever, I still think I did quite well, I lasted a good 15 minutes but had to stop a few times to eat her out and prevent me from blowing my load. After that we cuddled and finished the movie, then after the movie we cuddled more and talked about stuff. Didn't really find a comfortable time to bring up our relationship, so I didnt. We decided to get dressed and go out and eat, danced in my driveway from car music, we ate, flirted, seemed pretty lovey-dovey to me. Came back, cuddled more, then we fucked again, this time I lasted a whole lot longer and we did three different positions and two days later i got sore from fucking so much. After that we cuddled, danced a little more, kissed, flirted then i went to drop her off at home, before we got on the freeway I taught her how to check a cars engine oil and add oil. On the rest of the way home we talked and she browsed through my CDs and I sang to her... we also sorta danced/got rambuncious in the car to some rap. We made out and then she went inside her house.

    When we were hanging out I asked her what she was doing next weekend and she said going to the club... Clubbing isnt really my thing since I can't really dance and I also dont need to buy into this club propaganda of meeting chicks since I meet enough girls as it is. We set a date for saturday and decided on seeing a movie (at a movie theatre).

    Yesterday we talked and I told her I was taking my brother's fiance out to dinner and she said "so you're taking other girls out?" Now I dont know what this implies but I'm thinking it implies that she expects me not to take other girls out. IF she IS implying that she wants me to not take other girls out, is it just a one-way thing and she wants me all to herself, while i have a thing with her and she fucks other boys (which i think would be evil) or is she implying that we should have a two-way dating type relationship?

    So I really dont know if this girl is just a skank or whats up with that and thats where I'm lost. I'm wanting to make a relationship out of this but then again thats oneitis, and that has to do with why i didn't get laid in so long until that night. But I really do want to make a relationship out of this girl but I donno where shit stands. im trying to follow my guideline of "dont bring up having a relationship with a girl until she does" but this is kinda going on a bit far, having sex with me on the second date... hanging out three weekends in a row now. I'm gonna have to really get her feelings and understand what she wants but I dont know how to do this without coming off as a chump. Ultimately I DO want a good steady relationship but I'm not gonna let myself get caught up on one girl. Although I want a relationship I wouldn't mind being F-buddies.

    other anonymous things that make me think shes a slut:
    we dont talk much on the phone
    we dont talk much online
    she has a lot of guy friends


    anonymous things that make me thing shes NOT a slut:
    said she hasnt had sex in 6 months (keyword: said)
    shes in a good college (a bit stereotypical but w/e)
    we do a lot of cuddling
    seems to have a good head on her shoulders
    although we fucked we dont JUST fuck, we cuddle/dance/talk
    when i went out to the street races the other night she told me to be careful and call her when i got home to tell her i was ok.


    thanks in advance,
    Matt

    CLIFFS: girl fucks on second date, is she a skank? how can I make her motives clear, whether she wants to date/have a relationship/be F-buddies and how can i bring up the subject without sounding like a chump?
     
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2006
  2. Sionell89

    Sionell89 I grew up when I wasn't looking

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2001
    Messages:
    1,074
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Flori-duh
    Ask her, "Do you want to date and have a relationship or do you just want to be Fuck Buddies?"
     
  3. Sethable

    Sethable New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2006
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    well I read it.. welcome to the club, I am in almost the exact same situation. Sucks eh?
     
  4. ~QueenBee~

    ~QueenBee~ OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2006
    Messages:
    38,288
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Melbourne, Aus
    why dont you just ask her?

    seriously, I would rather the guy ask me then to come onto a forum and ask for advice. lol

    But since you did, here ya go....

    1)ask her. She'll know better then anyone else where her motives stand
    2) fucking on the second date, not always a good sign. Most women have a rule.... or at least where I live we do. Its the wonderful 5 date rule. If after 5 dates we are still seeing the other party resepctfully, then its ok to have some hardcore sex. Before that, making out to a degree after the 3rd date and being mysterious before that.

    dont know if this helps out at all, but I figured I'd throw in some female perspective for ya
     
  5. kiz

    kiz New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2004
    Messages:
    942
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Fuckin' Jersey
    my current gf of half a year so far fucked on the first "date". if she hadn't i don't know if we'd be together right now b/c I was a huge player at the time. i wouldnt say my gf is a skank. she's never given me any reason to think so. we hit it off extremely well and it was an emotional time for her.
     
  6. sexhaver420

    sexhaver420 Buying stuff I don't need, with money I don't have OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2004
    Messages:
    3,748
    Likes Received:
    0
    i can relate... everytime i get in a dating zone with the girl, the girl always thinks im a player... and i sorta am cuz i gotta play the game to get the girl.... and then i fall in love and i lose my player abilities and then i get them back and find a girl who thinks im a player again (at one point this girl i'm talking about in my post thought i was a player)... its happend like three times in a row now.

    but still i really dont know how to bring this subject up.
     
  7. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,467
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    the streets
    asking her straight-up is a bad idea.

    Maybe Poco will show up and explain exactly why, but trust me, its a bad idea.

    It shouldn't be a discussion on your part. She should be interested enough in you that she wants to "lock you down" where you can't see other girls.

    Think about it, if she doesn't care if you see other people, she is leaving herself free to see other people as well. Why doesn't she want you in a relationship? Or maybe she does, but you have to let it happen. Forcing it is a bad idea.

    She should be the one pushing for the relationship, not you. You already got what you want most (the sex), now its up to her to get what she wants most (the relationship).

    Take it slow. Don't see her/talk to her every day. A couple of times a week is ideal in the beginning.
     
  8. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2004
    Messages:
    4,413
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NOVA
    I gotta call a client but this intrigued me... I'll make comments. As far as the "Ask her, "Do you want to date and have a relationship or do you just want to be Fuck Buddies?"" comment, DON'T do that. I'll explain in a bit.
     
  9. sexhaver420

    sexhaver420 Buying stuff I don't need, with money I don't have OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2004
    Messages:
    3,748
    Likes Received:
    0
    :bowdown:
     
  10. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2004
    Messages:
    4,413
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NOVA
    Okay, here's my take, I'll hit the important stuff

    Tip: Next time when you ask a woman on a date, you need to make the plans without her input. You seem to have a balance here of her being in control and you not, but that seems to be working okay for you.

    She's making her intentions clear (like most men should do!) but is also showing interest in you. Clearly you have done something to attract her to you. Whatever it is, you should figure it out. In some way, you are a "natural." Be happy about that.

    So? She likes you, and this is a HUGE indicator of interest ("IOI") for a woman to do. She is making it obvious she likes you. My fiance' did the same thing ... for 2-3 MONTHS when we were dating.

    She actually said "Please touch me, please make a move on me, I am tired of you waiting." :mamoru:

    Good move on your part, great line, worked fine. And the fact that she did NOT fuck you on the first date means she is not just there to get laid. Get it?

    Trying to get to know you... weird way of doing it, but then again I don't have any dates at my house... ;)

    And you SHOULDN'T. That will ruin everything. Take it for what it is. Talking about it will likely end it. Just keep doing what you are doing.

    No, it implies you were supposed to make some OBVIOUS smart-ass remark such as "Yeah, you know, my brother's fiance' and I, we're going to break up his wedding and elope. Wanna copy of the video?" Then poke fun at her, give her shit, flirt, joke, ask if she's jealous, etc.

    If there is no ring on her finger, assume she AND you can fuck anyone they want. The very fact that you spend time with other women makes you MORE of a commodity to "catch" so she has to work harder to keep you. It shows that you have attractive traits for other women and she has to be a great women who meets your standards. You do have standards, by the way, and you should let her know what they are. Things like if she starts nagging you, say something like "Hey, I don't really tolerate nagging, just an FYI you lost 7.5 points off the male scale. Hold on while I write that down." and pretend to write it on your arm or something goofy.

    One-itis is when you like a woman you cannot have. If you want a relationship that is the goal, in my opinion, and that's fine. Just take it the way it is. Stop being so fucking serious and let it happen. Be yourself. If movies are not your thing, then don't do them. Do what YOU like to do, and if she likes it, too, then you know you have a compatible partner. Me? I like going to bars, drinking, and screwing. That's what I do on my dates, and any woman who likes to do that too scores points with me. You get the idea?

    What, that you're picky? THANK GOD you have standards. You might even go so far as to tell her - if she brings that crap up about other women up again - something like "Actually I have really high standards and don't get involved with most women because they aren't mature enough. I'm looking for a quality, mature, adult woman. Think you can make the grade? ;) ;) [nudge nudge]" Women LIKE to know you don't fuck any fat whore who comes along, especially if you've got something going for you - like you seem to do (and not know it.) So long as you DO have females that you hang out with, flirt with, whatever, it shows you are high quality.

    No, even then you don't bring it up. Lemme give you a tip - you can judge a relationship by (1) how often she tries to hang out (2) if she fucks you (3) if she comes to you [drives to your place]. So far it seems like she meets 2 and 3, and maybe working on #1.


    So? First date I would have worried. Second? Nah. That is kind of the norm for a "good girl" in my experience.

    See item #1 above.

    You said it - if you ask, you're going be a chump. Just shut up and see how much she works to be with you, that is all you need to know.

    Women often view sex as an emotional attachment. Not always, but she's not fucking you to be friends. Be yourself and have fun with her. JUDGE HER as you get to know her. Is she REALLY the kind of woman you want around? Does she cook, pick up after herself, do thoughtful things, say sweet things, is she loyal, trustworthy, mature, etc? Basically, start scoring what she does and make sure she is EXACTLY the woman you want, or within 95%. This, of course, requires you know what you want.... ;)

    Signs of a good relationship.

    Sign of guys who do not meet her standards. They are friendzoned, and it's not likely she's fucking many of them. Do NOT be like them, kissing her ass, talking to her on the phone, IM'ing her, or being over-available. In fact, have plans next Friday/Saturday so when she wants to go out you can't. Go out with MALE friends instead. Tell her a Sunday lunch instead or something. Have a life and live it.

    Nothing really substantial or eye-catching here... seems normal.

    I think you just keep doing what you have been doing WITHOUT turning your time together into a therapy session. Guys who want to talk about things instead of DO things get friendzoned. Just date her. You don't have to marry her, and don't worry. If it happens, it will - if not, it won't.

    Relax. I think you just need to take a deep breath and be yourself, just like how you would be if you were hanging out with a male friend.
     
  11. sexhaver420

    sexhaver420 Buying stuff I don't need, with money I don't have OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2004
    Messages:
    3,748
    Likes Received:
    0
    thanks for all the help paco. :cool:

    i do have the ability to flirt and talk confidently with girls, but then when the girl leaves i get the "whatifs" anxiety and such... thats when i lose it and panic and turn chump... maybe it came from being cheated on before in the past?

    honestly... before you ever do anything with a girl... you dont really give a shit about her... thats why im able to approach so many girls and just try to hit on all of them... but then after she kisses or does something and you develop an emotional attachment thats when the anxiety kicks in and i start caring and worrying.

    its so bad for me that its to a point where im doing things with other girls now; approaching more girls than i was before when i wasnt getting any just to keep her out of my mind... as long as were not dating im thinking this is fine.... but i really shouldnt have to rely on other girls to keep me away from my anxiety.

    anyways to get over this?
     
  12. Chris90210

    Chris90210 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2004
    Messages:
    22,530
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Utah
    I don't know why but your thread title made me laugh. :mamoru:
     
  13. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    you don't get shit rewards without taking equal risks

    i got hurt by falling in love with someone and i love myself more for it. bravery is required to experience anything worth losing.
     
  14. Kinks

    Kinks Sup. OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2003
    Messages:
    8,692
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sydney, Australia
    good advice, Poco :bigthumb:
     
  15. quamen

    quamen New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2003
    Messages:
    1,503
    Likes Received:
    0
    I never liked the fact when a girl has moer guy freinds then girl friend. This leads to me the conclusion they are most likely attention hoes, as well as sluts. if there not dating anyone, u mean there not having sex with many of these guys? Dont let any girl try to fool you either, just like my last gf. she seemed like she was awesome,but i caught her cheating on me. If you have gut feelings, she is making u feel this way somehow. After my last relastionship,from the start something didnt seem right, even though she acted so nice and sweet to me. Ex bf calling, a ton of guys calling, her being sketchy etc, and i kept thinking this girl is a slut ,and guess what she was. Just be careful man, and if u have doubts with this girl, there are reasons why.

    And that whole thing about her asking you, are you seeing other girls. You should said yes i am, and ask her the reverese quetsion. Im telling you this girl is trying to play you. I can bet first off she is pretty damn good looking, and wants to have multiple guys not just one, but at the same time you cant have multiple girls, u wait around for her.

    just for the hell of it, where about do you live??? Im telling you this almost sounds just like my ex gf. I would be careful with this one, cause i think your going to get played like a fool
     
  16. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    I always thought that, too. I wonder if I'm just being paranoid.

    To the OP, she shouldn't care if you take your brother's FIANCE out. I agree with Poco that you should have made a smart ass comment back.

    But seriously, it sounds like things are going well between you guys. Good luck.
     
  17. ArthurPewty

    ArthurPewty New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2006
    Messages:
    916
    Likes Received:
    0
    Depends on the woman. Some women just get along better with men because of interests, interactional style, or personality. Tomboys for example.
     
  18. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    Some women have told me they have more male friends because men are easier to deal with and women are bitchy. I agree 100%.

    HOWEVER, I do not believe that coming from a girl. I think it's a plot of the female gender. I think any girl who says that is a spy. It doesn't help that many of the women I know who say that ARE attention whores.

    Except for this one girl I dated, who was logical and rational and awesome. In 2.5 years we never had an argument last longer than 10 minutes, and there was never any yelling. Too bad we grew apart.
     
  19. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    I've heard that argument too, the one about girls liking guys because they are more straightforward and such....however...calling a girl a spy?

    Come on, life isn't high school...not every girl is going to spy and gossip about all her guy friends.

    But anyways, yeah, some girls like dealing with guys better...but the funny thing is, the only people women have to blame for being bitchy are women themselves. Go to a playground and look at how early the behavior starts.
     
  20. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2004
    Messages:
    4,413
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NOVA
    My take on this is that these women are (1) attractive (2) using a slew of "guys" who are too stupid to make a move on her and so she gets free rides, lunches, movies, dinners, etc from them and (3) sleeps with none of them. Attention whore? Sure, she's getting attention. Personally, I don't hang out with women like that. I know a girl who does, and these guys are ALL guys she would not fuck. Boy, do they try to change her mind, though! :lol:

    But a slut? Not in my experience, at least not any more so than any other woman.

    Always TRUST YOUR GUT.

    Red flag. You should have recognized that (nothing personal, but it's on my list.)

    That's a problem *if* you were dating her.

    Red flag.

    Yeah, I bet you had lots of red flags. The trick is to have standards and tell your woman "Hey, if you want to date me, you can't be talking to all these other guys. It makes me look like a fool, and I won't tolerate that. You can do whatever you want, just don't expect me to stick around, okay?" Politely but firm.

    No, that comes from a position of insecurity and it's a lie. You should not answer the question at all, it's too serious. Make a joke about it, something wildly crazy.

    Nothing personal, but it sounds like you're a little worked up over your ex. Yes, I've had cheating women, but this guy has been on 2-3 dates? How is she playing him? They are not married, exclusive, etc. They're just dating.
     

Share This Page