SRS Half heartedly

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by HatSee, Sep 12, 2009.

  1. HatSee

    HatSee Active Member

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    That's about how I'm going into this, stopping drinking I think. Sadly it's more a matter of I finally looked at what it is costing and realize that while I am drinking I wont care about anything at all, so I need to stop, I just don't care to or about anything else really.

    A tiny bit of history, I had a stressful job, and I heard alcohol helps, and it did. It helped me when I snapped and being drunk was better than not. However I lost that job and others along the way and in the end it's been about two years now drinking about a case of beer a day, 12 cans, so a bit over 4 liters of beer a day. Sounds like a lot, but well it always varied, as high as 30ish cans in a day, or as low as taking a few days off, but that's a good average. However I should point out that it has been going up to about 18 recently, not sure why but that just seems to be my cut off now.

    However the thing is I smoked, kicked it no problem, done that with other minor things as well, addictions were just not something that happened to me, totally wrong there. I took about 5 days off a few weeks ago, I had head aches, felt ill, saw fucking spiders everywhere I went, and well after someone mentioned alcohol I went and bought a 6 pack, slammed it back and felt a lot better, but I still see/feel spiders fucking everywhere. But the rest went away. Thing is since then I realized that I needed alcohol, before it was just habitual in that I'd buy it when I got home and that was it, now I actively make sure to get it which is far worse.

    So I talked to a few people, one on OT here, about it and well I guess I should be quitting for a lot of reasons. Big probably though is I don't actually care about anything, I could drink till I died and well it wouldn't bother me. But that's why I started to drink was that it made me normal, as when I snapped at work I stopped caring about everything, but it bled into my drunk state now and that makes it a major issue to deal with. Now from a bit of reading now it sounds like I'm fucked, in that I have been drinking more than most alcoholics do for quite a while and am likely to have problems with quitting on my own, and not in that I need a support group but more of a rehab center or something for what this shit apparently does when you quit it.

    So after reading all that I can only hope a few people that know what's up are left. How do I go about this now? I really do kind of need alcohol to function, I wonder what they'd say about showing up to an AA meeting drunk, much less how do you even find them?

    Anyhow thanks, anyone that has done this feel free to comment, help is appreciated.
     
  2. untoastytoast

    untoastytoast The Glory Days

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    let me preface this all by saying that i am not a medical doctor in any way, so take my advice with a grain of salt.

    it sounds like you went through some type of dt's if you had hallucinations and whatnot. I would get to a detox center first and foremost to get rid of the physical dependence on alcohol. alcohol withdrawals can be very dangerous, but above all i would just get a medical professional to take a look at you and get their opinion, and then go from there to AA.
     
  3. HatSee

    HatSee Active Member

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    Meh, hate doctors. Was hoping to talk to people as minimally as possible.

    Anyhow back in my hometown now, old doctor left, so just talking to any random one should work? I really do avoid them normally.

    Also what are DT's? Heard you could die from alcohol withdrawl, lol? That what you mean? :squint:
     
  4. HatSee

    HatSee Active Member

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    Doctor is open Monday, probably head there then.

    Unfortunately with experimenting, it seems I really do need beer. A beer for breakfast is better for me than a handful of tylenol to clear a headache, probably not a good thing. :squint:
     
  5. untoastytoast

    untoastytoast The Glory Days

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  6. SohCahToa

    SohCahToa Active Member

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    i was just in detox the other day and they were feeding the alcoholics valium because of the shakes they get.
     
  7. HatSee

    HatSee Active Member

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  8. HatSee

    HatSee Active Member

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    Appointment to talk to someone tomorrow.

    See what they say.
     
  9. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    you can find a meeting here

    www.aa.org

    Alcohol is a very thurough addiction. It can completely engulf your life, physically and mentally. I wish you luck on this. Millions of us have tried, and succeeded, to rid ourselves of that life. You can do it.
     
  10. HatSee

    HatSee Active Member

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    And not in bed yet, kinda drunk, wonder what this lady will say tomorrow.:squint:
     
  11. HatSee

    HatSee Active Member

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    Said to stop, and go back monday. Unfortunately stopping sucks which is kinda why I went there.

    Doctor did a blood test and sent me on my way.

    Really hope this isn't as bad as people say. Although she did say to watch for seizures, which seems counter productive to me, as I'd be unable to do anything about it.

    Oh well, let's see how this goes.
     
  12. HatSee

    HatSee Active Member

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    What the shit? AA is religious, that's bullshit. Believe in god to cure shit? I'd literally need to hit rock bottom to do that, I'm not even close to there.

    /sigh.

    Whee, for cold turkey quitting on the advice of addiction counselor and a doctor, with the only actual advice being to head to the hospital if I have seizures or something, at which point I basically need to call an ambulance, if I even know I had a seizure or am able to.

    Maybe I'm just cranky, my head fucking hurts and relief is literally 20 steps away.

    :squint:
     
  13. G_Ranger

    G_Ranger New Member

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    You cant expect health proffessionals to drop to their knees and wait on you hand and foot to quit drinking. It is YOU who has the desire to stop and therefor its YOU who will have to do the heavy lifting. If you walked into a doctor and told him you wanted to stop biting your nails, he is not going to sit there and hold your hand through that now is he? Exactly, he is going to do whatever he needs to do in order to provide YOU with what you need...phone numbers, pamphlets, websites, support group information and he will test your blood for liver problems etc....doctors are not there to do it for you, they are there to tell you what YOU need to do.

    It sounds like you are pretty clear minded and understand what needs to be done to quit, and like you I feel a religously backed group may not work for me, but it HAS WORKED for millions, so dont totally count it out. You need to focus on what you did in order to stop other addicitons. You said you were able to stop smoking...what did you do when you felt the urge?? As long as it isnt "take a drink" or something equally as harmful then DO THAT.

    My point is you must realize that everyone is different, what works for me might not work for you, so you gotta find what will work for you and do it. YOU will not quit if YOU dont want to, am I starting to get redundant yet? well good luck bro and let me know if you need anything!

    doc
     
  14. HatSee

    HatSee Active Member

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    Smoked for about a year, pack a day, got sick and just dropped it no issue, totally different as quitting drinking makes me sick.

    Also from the second I saw the "Hi I'm jim bob and I'm an alcoholic" bit I realized what it is. Positive reinforcement, of some sort. You admit your problem and everyone accepts you for it with the "Hello jim bob." bit.

    Not to mention they kept repeating the giving your all to the program, I've never been able to do that sort of thing, and positive reinforcement well I've never at all taken that well. I'd have to drink to go to those meetings to lie through my teeth like that, as I'm not an alcoholic, I never spent every waking moment after a drink, I just... Well being drunk was better than the alternative.

    I'm actually not sure I can quit now, everyone I met there crashed hard, and then did it time and time again, they all got sober then failed again. I'm going to try and cut back a lot, I think, then again my head hurts I have been trying to eat but just vomit, so perhaps I'm not thinking clearly. That's probably why there is a bottle of whiskey sitting in front of me, unopened, and I'm really debating it right now, have for the last couple hours.

    I get what you are saying, I just actually expected some people to have some easy quit stories to share, not tough it out, crash hard, get meds or go to detox. That just isn't what I wanted to hear, as I wont go through that as I have no reason to do it. That was the point of this thread? Do people actually go through that when they don't care about anything? I was told not caring is probably tied in with the drinking, which really doesn't help at all.

    Fuck this stuff right in the ass, stupid alcohol. :squint:
     
  15. HatSee

    HatSee Active Member

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    I win for now, putting it away.

    Night.
     
  16. sams0n

    sams0n $ OT Supporter

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    being an alcoholic just means that you have a problem with alcohol. you can drink once a month an still be an alcoholic if it causes problems for you. seeing as you seem to be physically addicted to alcohol and having trouble quitting you are an alcoholic.

    i would guess that you are depressed and self medicating your despression with drinking. you should talk to your doctor about that. i think that after a few months of sobriety you will feel a hell of a lot better than you do now.
     
  17. HatSee

    HatSee Active Member

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    Hmm. Think the addiction place was going to make me talk to a psychologist or something anyhow. :hs:
     
  18. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    Try NA instead. I'm a devout atheist with over 10 years clean.
     
  19. ~stangzorized~

    ~stangzorized~ New Member

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    fixed
     
  20. seismic

    seismic New Member

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    I have repeatedly heard the quote that withdrawal from alcohol is the only withdrawal process that can flat out kill you.

    AA isn't religious -- it's about admitting that you are powerless by yourself. You have an addiction that you can't control alone, so most people turn it over to God. A friend of mine went, and didn't want to turn it over to "God", so she instead chose some abitrary name to use in place of God and it helped. You don't have to be religious to go.
     
  21. HatSee

    HatSee Active Member

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    Nah, I really can't get past the god step. "Oh, you can just take something else like your willpower" Well if I had that I may not have drank so much don't you think. Nah AA seems like it's for people that hit bottom, that's about the only way I'd hit it up seriously.
     
  22. HatSee

    HatSee Active Member

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    That was suggested multiple times, however if it also remotely involves god or positive reinforcement I'd likely skip out on those too. "Hi my name is Jimbob and I'm an alcoholic." "Hi Jimbob." That stuff has never worked with me, not sure why but it generally had the opposite effect that it did on most.
     
  23. Wolf

    Wolf No one plans to take the path that brings you lowe

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    Don't know if there's a meeting near you, but there's a group called LifeRing. It's similar to AA, but doesn't include all the god/sponsor stuff. Mainly, the members take responsibility for getting themselves clean, not relying on a 'higher power' to do it for them.

    I went to a meeting for the first time this week, and it was pretty good.


    www.unhooked.com
     
  24. HatSee

    HatSee Active Member

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    That's also interesting, NA is once a week here and I missed it, so best I can do is hit it up next week.

    Which means I need to get back to that addiction place and get my review, which is going to get me committed likely.

    In the end after the first two weeks probably it's not bad, those sucked, now it's just that I'm bored. That and winter seems to want to set in, which means things like outdoor activities are kind of out of the question, fun times.
     

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