had a huge fight with the gf *LONG*

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by DSX, Oct 19, 2008.

  1. DSX

    DSX Guest

    okay ill be completely honest with all of u guys. i have no problem with my gf having male friends (altho i do get jealous sometimes but as long as she is honest with me, i have no problem). in the past she has told me when old male friends that she doesnt want to be associated with hit her up but not this time. i grabbed her phone friday night and read her texts for the heck of it. i dont do this all the time (not the psycho type). so i read these text messages for a number that isnt saved. just friendly talk like hey whats up, you know like friendly talk but then i see a texts that bother me

    him: hey when can i see u on a friday night
    her: i dont know yet
    him: i wanan see u 2nite tho
    her: im out tho

    the texts stop there, yeah i confront her and i flip out. cuss her out. i find out it was some guy she used to date. she said that they been talking since july and that he told her that i should trust her and nothing wrong with having friends. so she just kept talking to him as friends and that this week he has been asking her out but in those 3 months she said they never met. he only asked her out a few times but she has said no. so it was pure texting that she did. no actually cheating, so she claims. i have the same phone plan with her so i can see all the texting and calling she did. not that many calls. many texts since july. sept was slow. 2 weeks she texts him twice at 1:45 am after she texted me good night i love u. she tells me, she only texted him night. i told her she prolly texted him night love u. she claims no. i called her last night, shes crying and crying. very regretful for her actions. says she wont mess up again, that what she did was stupid. claims to never met him, etc. he keeps calling her now, i called him left a voice mail threatning to call police. he has stopped.

    we have been together for over a year. im 26, shes 23.
    i told her we need a week break, im threatning to break up with her. some might say its minor, its only texting but the fact that she lied to me is a big nono. i dont play games, too old for this. what should i do?
     
  2. i dont see a big deal in how you reacted. if my gf was texting an ex about a possible meet i would be pissed.

    in her text she said "i dont know yet" when he asked her if they were meeting up friday night.

    if she really had no interest she would've said never.

    or at least something like "i dont know, let me see if my bf wants to go w. me".

    you are more then in the right to flip on her. break up? maybe.... depends on what else has ever happened between the two of you.
     
  3. DSX

    DSX Guest

    nothing else like this has happened. its all been pretty good. yeah she told me she was just playing with the guy and has been turning him down in a nice way like that. gonna meet up with her at the park in like 3 hours.

    only thing that has happened is that some guy hit her up on myspace and she asked if his name was robert because he likes like an old friend. hmmm i think thats it. some other guy was messing with her friends, dissing them and whatnot. so she wanted to see what he thought about her. stupid yeah..hmm
     
  4. its hard to say from my point of view.... a view that is only giving you an opinion based off a forum.

    if i had to guess she sounds like she simply likes the attention. she would never meet up w. the guy but likes the texts he sends making her feel saught after/wanted.

    could this go further? maybe.... but you know her best and need to decide whether she can be trusted.
     
  5. DSX

    DSX Guest

    she said too it was for attention. i havent been the best bf as of late. been so busy with eBay (i have a store), and with my other job. i been so tired lately, i used to pick her up early to hang out (around 3) and now its around 8, she needs alot of attention. i just need to text her more often and spend more time with her
     
  6. well, i would not turn this around and blame yourself for it.

    she did something that was disrespectful. instead of texting guys she should have told you that she felt unattended to.

    its not like you stopped for poor reasons, you gotta work bro.

    she handled it poorly and you need to be firm on that. then see how her future behavior changes while you also keep an eye on how much attention you pay her.
     
  7. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    Why do you need a week break if she stopped talking to him and he stopped calling her?
     
  8. not everyone likes talking on the phone. me for example... i hate it. unless i have something important to say it will be by text.

    its the new age. its like people asking "why do you e-mail someone w. blah blah? you should send a hand written letter bc its much more personal".
     
  9. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Last edited: Oct 20, 2008

  10. you are right about the second paragraph. it is shady as hell for her to do it. sometimes in LTR its not as easy as saying you fucked up once lets end it though.
     
  11. i was not trying to put words in your mouth in regards to the break up. my apologies.
     
  12. nothing wrong w. insecurities. the ones who say the have none are probably the ones that try to hide them the most.

    something tells me after this talk in the park there will not be a break up.

    i see no big deal w. the checking of the texts. im not sure how often he does it but if he does it once in a blue moon its all good in my book.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 20, 2008
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Why? Why check texts ever?
     
  14. DSX

    DSX Guest

    im just so pissed off thats why
     
  15. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    He's by no means the only one at fault here. She's the most at fault, it just annoys the fuck out of me that he tries to play innocent as if checking her texts was for fun :hsugh: Say what it really was-I was feeling insecure about our relationship and studied her phone for evidence followed by checking her call and text history on our bill.

    The thing I know the most is this couple lacks communication skills. She's straying from him and vying for attention from other men because of something. Something is wrong but of course we all have no idea because we aren't either of the people. TS says he has been a shitty bf lately so maybe that's it, but I don't see how a week long break will do anything. More sound like the TS (at 26) thinks threatening her will make her change her ways when really they need to work through it all together.

    Girlfriend needs to promise to tell ex bf off and cut all communication with him. Boyfriend has to agree to be a better more attentive boyfriend to her. Girlfriend has to work on speaking up when she needs or wants something as opposed to turning to any man that will give her the time of day. Both need to work on trust with one another. None of this will be solved during a wek break from one another.
     
  16. is it not obvious? bc being insecure is human nature.

    find nothing and you will feel great about it.

    find something and can make progress towards not wasting more time then needed w. said person.

    ive logged into my comp before only to see that she left herself logged in. i checked , found nothing, and moved on.

    if she asked me if i ever check i would tell her the truth.
     
  17. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Were you cheated on before?
     
  18. no.

    are you trying to ask me if that is where my possible insecurities came from?

    if you are, there is no explanation for human nature, everyone has insecurities. some just hide them better then others.
     
  19. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :dunno: Thought it was a pretty decent question considering I've been cheated on and even I don't ever feel the need to check my bf's texts. Just wondered if maybe that insecurity of yours had a beginning. That being said, that sounds awful. I'd hate to have this constant fear of "hmm, let me check who she just talked to :squint:" Sounds like a lot of stress if she's never done anything to make you question her fidelity.
     
  20. DSX

    DSX Guest

    Yeah I been played before thats why I tend to be insecure. Plus infedelity surrounds me so its hard for me to trust. My parents cheat on each other lol
     
  21. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Yikes. So what is happening now? Are you really thinking a break is the way to solve your relationship issues?
     
  22. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    TS does sound insecure but it sounds like he had a reason to be. I mean if you suspect someone is cheating on you, asking them if they're cheating on you isn't really going to work (if they are). I think a break up isn't an absolute here but communicating with her and finding out why she feels the need to talk to an ex is. If she needs more attention and he can't give it to her, then a break up may be needed. I don't think having one huge blow up fight is a reason to break up without giving the situation a chance to be repaired. I also think the ex probably knows about the guy and doesn't care. If his girlfriend truly feels guilty for her actions then fucking her ex may not happen. If she isn't happy at all in the relationship then yea I could see it happening.
     
  23. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    i don't think it's about whether or not he was "Justified" or how he ranks in the Courts of Love... it's about what he wants, and whether his actions approach or lead away from those things.

    i think he probably wants to enjoy being in love with his gf, and i think his actions lead away from that aspiration, not towards it. i think he probably wants her to be faithful, and i think his actions lead away from that end, not towards it. i think he probably wants her to be honest with him in the future, and his actions DEFINITELY lead her away from that behavior, not towards it.

    so whether or not it QUALIFIES AS "a big deal" or "a little deal" or whatever the Courts of Love may deem is besides the point.

    the point is, was his reaction helpful to him, when you consider what he wants, or was it hurtful?

    IMO his reaction was extremely antiproductive.
     
  24. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Even if he does "annoy the fuck" out of you, have a little respect.
     
  25. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :kiss:

    I was heated. I explained myself better later
     

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