SRS Had a huge falling out last night.... basically just a vent

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by fallenauthority, Dec 31, 2007.

  1. fallenauthority

    fallenauthority OT Supporter

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    Let me give the quick backround.
    -met girl 2 years ago
    -had a thing for the girl, although she "wasnt ready for a relationship or w/e"
    -found out she used to cut herself but was over it
    -we ended up dating last year
    -we broke it off cause she didnt feel ready for a relationship, and i kinda pressured her into it
    -fast forward to the past 2 months, we have discussed trying an us again, cause she says she still has feelings for me but she still isnt sure if she can really handle a commitment(she has this huge fear of commitment to anyone or anything)
    -Oh forgot to say theres this dude Logan, who lives in Michigan, who she met at a church camp :ugh: a few years ago, who she supposedly loved, and he loved her but now she has changed a lot since she met him and all that bs, so now she hates herself because she had someone who loved her or w/e and she went and changed on them.

    Ok now onto last night. Was at a friends house for a small party/get together. She went out on the back deck and called logan(she always talks to this dude, and honestly it drives me up the fucking wall) and i had a few drinks in me already so i was loose lipped and when she got outside i said "oh there she goes, fucking talking to logan again, same shit for two years now" which she apparently heard.
    I kinda felt bad cause it was kinda an asshole thing to say, but to be honest, its how i really feel, im tired of this motherfucker from Michigan making her feel like shit all the time for her choices, just cause she doesnt fit the profile of who he thought he once loved anymore.
    Well later on she was out front sitting on the porch and i went out to apologize for being an ass earlier, cause i really shouldnt have called it out right on front of everyone like that. I sat down, said sorry, she paid no mind, she got up, and i said "what are you just going to ignore me now? pretend i dont even fucking exist?" and she walked inside. So I sat out front for like another minute mad as shit, and then she came back outside and was like "you know what? no, you want to know everything? do you fucking want to know everything?" and i of course said yes. she went off on a huge tangent about logan and how she changed on him and all this, and then she said "you want to know what i go through every day?" and lifted her sleeve to show deep cuts on her arm, "and thats just my fucking arm, theres more". I didnt know what to feel. She said "you dont know how hard it is to have the person who is causing you to do shit like this, be the only person you can talk to about it"
    She started crying and i tried explaining to her that she cant expect me to know things and whats going on if she doesnt tell me, and that as her friend she should be able to feel that she can trust me enough to tell me about things in her life.
    I cant believe this shit. I thought I knew this girl so well, when in reality I dont know shit. That fucking hurts, this girl I care so much about, yea sure maybe im stupid for doing so, actually i know i am. But it doesnt matter, she is my fucking friend, and she mutilates herself on a daily basis cause some hypocritical drug doing, church fuck from michigan doesnt like who she is anymore and reminds her all the time.
    I dont even know the point of this post, im just angry, and hurt, and to be honest last night was the first time ive cried for somebody else in years. I dont know what to do :wtc:
     
  2. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    Right now all you can do is support her. Be there for her. She needs to cut ties with this guy. She needs to see a therapist.

    I had a friend who used to hurt herself and I was honestly a little lost. It was completely new territory for me. She was like my sister and I felt like her big sister. But, I never knew anyone who cut themselves. She told me I was the first person she ever opened up enough to show me that she cut herself. I just tried to be there for her. Comfort her when she felt bad, called her up to hang out, and just basiacally be a good friend to her. She had gone through a lot and all she really needed was someone to talk to and someone to get her through life in high school. And one day she came up to me and she told me I was the reason she stopped cutting herself. That I showed her that some people really are good friends.
    What I'm saying is all you can do right now is be there for her, just be a good friend. And maybe help her get some professional help. :hug:
     
  3. Redbeard

    Redbeard OT Supporter

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    QFT x100


     
  4. fallenauthority

    fallenauthority OT Supporter

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    I always try to be there and support her, but she never accepts help. The fact that she is cutting again, and feels that she cant come to me and talk, makes me feel like i have failed as a friend. Ive devoted 2 years of my life to making sure she is ok, and she isnt, i cant do this anymore. her actions upon herself and her life take a huge toll on mine as well.
     

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