SRS Had a friend tell me she cant be friends anymore.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by epracmetcon, Jan 6, 2007.

  1. epracmetcon

    epracmetcon New Member

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    I have a very good friend of mine, infact she is one of my best friends. Tonight she texts me telling me that she cant be friends with me anymore. Mainly because her and my best friend who I hang out with almost daily had a dispute and now hate each other. She thinks she is going to get inbetween me and my friend. She will not call me back, text me, nothing. I am depressed right now as good friends like that are hard to come by.
     
  2. onslaught61

    onslaught61 OT Supporter

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    So she's just giving up on that...what a friend she is. pussy, using that excuse to leave you.
     
  3. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    you'll become friends again very shortly. i garentee it.
     
  4. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Call her up and give her that speech about how much she means to you.
    How she's so important to you. How things would be so weird if she weren't there.

    Might help if you also smoothed things over with your former "best" friend.
     
  5. rtzcom

    rtzcom bon wons! fight slepa for life sone!~

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    if she drops you that easily...think about it
     
  6. epracmetcon

    epracmetcon New Member

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    But thing thats weird about it, I was on the phone with her, she got another call, it was a mutual friend of both of ours. She told me she would call me back and about 30 minutes later I get a text saying she cant be friends with me anymore because she doesnt wanna hurt my friendship with my other friend.
     
  7. rtzcom

    rtzcom bon wons! fight slepa for life sone!~

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    if she's still friends with your other friend....then she's taking sides
     
  8. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Tell her that you want to agree with her just on seeing her solemnly, she might have a dispute with your friend, but thats non of your bussiness, just equally devide your attention span between your two friends and don't let anyone make themselves feel left out. Just make sure that they never get to see eachother simultaniously. So try to seperate the times you get to see them.
     
  9. epracmetcon

    epracmetcon New Member

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    She is not, they hate each other.
     
  10. epracmetcon

    epracmetcon New Member

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    Thats what I was trying to do, I talked to my buddy about it and he understands that were still friends and has no real problems with it.
     
  11. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Neither of these girls are actually very good friends with you.

    Think about it.
     
  12. epracmetcon

    epracmetcon New Member

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    At the moment I guess I was sad because I thought I lost a really good friend. She was always there for me when no one else was. Then she pulls some bullshit like this and I realized I dont give a fuck about it. She wouldnt call me all night til she got into some trouble that could have been life threatening. Who does she call, me...
     
  13. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    Yup.

    There shouldn't be conditions to friendship. What she's telling you just doesn't make sense. I've had it happen a couple times where a "good friend" just suddenly disappears literally overnight never to be heard from again. Those are even more frustrating.

    I've learnt to just shrug these situations off. I now know my real friends are the ones I've had good and bad times with, yet are still around after years and years.

    Just shrug it off as an unfortunate incident and get on with life.
     
  14. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Ya know....people do all sorts of crazy things. Everyone is so quick to tell you that these are not true friends when IMO everyone is just acting irrationally....even you. Everyone's letting their emotions make their decisions for them. relax

    Here's my take.....give it time. This situation will work itself out but when peoples emotions are high you can do a lot of damage by acting reckless.

    IMO friendships, like any relationship, move in cycles. IMO the trick to long term friendships is to allow these cycles to happen (not try to prevent them) and don't overreact when something changes. When a friendship seems to be turning bad, do NOT do anything that would further damage the friendship....like react emotionally.

    In other words, just take a step back and chill.

    You like both of these people and you can still be friends with them both in the future....but your chances of success decrease if you start getting pissed at them and/or make demands on them (basically don't get caught up in their emotions).

    OK so your friend said this and wouldn't return your calls or text messages and now your feelings are hurt also. Realize she's hurting from this fight and reacting, however irrationally, but it doesn't have to mean the end of your friendship.

    Be the voice of calm and reason. When I'm in situations like this I picture myself as being a healer. You are not part of the "fight" but you know the parties. Perhaps you can help them come to a reconciliation....perhaps not. Time will tell.

    One thing you don't need to do......do NOT add to the drama by reacting emotionally also.

    I can't believe soo many people in this thread's first response is to kick these friends to the curb. Don't you all see the contradiction?? You say that the 2 friends fighting are not good friends to the OP....then counsel him to NOT be a good friend back! WTF??

    I've got several long term friendships and I can assure you that they are not perfect and sometimes it's confusing as hell emotionally. The key is to look beyond the emotions....look at the cause of them and try to help your friends heal.

    Example, One of my best friends in this world quit talking to me after a heated argument over the phone. He ended up not talking to me for 1 year.....yep....I reached out....he resisted. I could have easily punted this friend and never had contact with him again. But I didn't.

    I was hurt that he would treat me so harshly....however, I understood some of the reasons for it. (After we made up, he agreed that this was 99% his fault). His dad was dying a slow death from cancer and wasn't doing things to take care of himself. My friend was very upset about this and told me these things before our fight.

    That didn't help much when I was going through shit and needed his friendship but he was AWOL for that year and I frequently cursed him for being such an unreasonable prick. However, I knew we had a special connection and in a spiritual sense...it didn't seem right to terminate the friendship...but it was very hard to reconcile.

    He has since apologized and admitted to getting way tooo caught up in his emotions and then his pride got in the way and he didn't want to admit he had made a mistake or even an error. SO, instead he reinforced that error by his further actions when the correct course is just to addmit the error, apologize and move on. He was unable to do that cuz of the issues with his dad.....he has since apologized and admitted that he could have handled it much better.

    ANyways, I know this post is long but it struck a nerve with me as I have another friend right now and we're not on the best of terms. Hang in there OP, this too shall pass and the outcome will prolly not be nearly as dire as you now see it. Good luck and God Bless.
     
  15. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    first thought I had...was this on the school playground? But as others have said, if neither of these two friends can make it work, they aren't that great of friends to you. They could easily still hang out with you separately. It's not really your concern to get in the middle of their dispute.
     
  16. whatever

    whatever OT Supporter

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    let her stew for a little while. I wouldnt press the situation through anything to personal. email or ol school letter. if she is that much of a friend to you talk it out
     
  17. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    Yeah you got a point. He doesn't necessarily have to wipe her out of his life. If she ever comes back on the next "cycle" and offers to go out for a cup of coffee I don't think he has to practice avoidance.

    On the other hand, there's a point where he should just stop trying. Just see what happens.

    My experience with these cyclic type of friends leaves me feeling a little used... "oh so you only want to be friends when you want something?" I still consider them friends but somehow it's a little damaged.
     
  18. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    This is based on pride and IMO is not coducive to relationships. You are guarding against being used and you probably also "keep score" in relationships. THis is not healthy IMO.

    Noone likes or wants to be used and I do not believe that being in that type of a relationship is healthy either.

    However, there is no need to make that determination till much further down the line.....if ever. Why end a friendship at the first sign of difficulty?? Well according to most ppls advice in this thread...that's exactly what the OP should do.

    I completly disagree!!

    If the friendship was as important to the OP as he/she says...then it's worth fighting for. Let go of the hurt....take the high road and try to be patient with a friend that is obviously in an emotional state.

    However, many people in the world are just tooo lazy and full of pride to stick around through difficult times. THen when they hear that I've had 2 friends since the 3rd grade, they tell me they wish they had those types of friendships. As if there is some sort of magical process that happens to allow it. It's not magic....it takes patience and work and like I said before....most ppl are just too lazy.
     
  19. Crush

    Crush Epidural hematoma up in this bitch

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    This is sound advice.
     
  20. Vixxen

    Vixxen New Member

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    i don't really have any advice to give you being that i'm going through a similar situation myself, but i hope it all works out. good friends are hard to come by so i hope you guys can talk it out.
     
  21. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    I see what you're saying. On the other hand, there comes a point where you can only allow yourself to be a sucker for so long. You can offer your friendship to someone free and clear of any attachments, but once you notice a pattern maybe you really should cut it off clean like everyone says. I don't necessarily see anything wrong with "keeping score" in so far that it helps to us to make decisions to progress and move forward. Don't let the attachment to any relationship drag you down.
     
  22. Nolimitation

    Nolimitation Guest


    She was never a friend to begin with, if she drops you for a stupid reason like that.
     
  23. XPX

    XPX New Member

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    I was there once and sadly had to choose, however I chose right because the friend I kept is one of those that I know I'll keep for the rest of my life, nobody can replace her.
     

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