guys or girls. do you let your significant other hang out alone with the opposite sex

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by quamen, Sep 27, 2006.

  1. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    I dont want to seem over paranoid about this,but i admit it i am. My last relationship that lasted over 1 year my ex ended up cheating on me. My current gf of about 1 1/2 months has alot of guy friends which i dont mind, but it kinda bothers me that she will hang out with some of them alone. She hasnt done it yet,but she mentioned a couple of them called her and they wanted to get together. Im worried about getting hurt again,but that can happen in any given situation. She tells me this but i dont want to flip out either and be like i dont trust you. I never had a gf though who would hang out solo with another guy. I dont know if i should allow this, or just simply end if cause i dont approve of it since it worries me. Any of you in this type of situation?

    I guess this all comes down to the point of trusting that person? She says if anything ever happened she would let me know right away,but it doesnt settle my stomach. I worry about that she is a very very attractive girl, and all these guy friends sound like they want to be more than that.
     
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2006
  2. fray

    fray New Member

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    My friend does this a lot and it drives her current boyfriend crazy, but nothing is going on. I know she is completely loyal to him, they are just her friends, nothing more. They fight about it and he gets upset because she's with these guys, and she gets upset because he doesn't trust her. I can see her side and I can see his side.

    I guess my point is, she can be hanging out with guys and have nothing more be going on than them being friends.

    (And I personally have guy friends who are that and nothing more, but I really don't hang out alone with them much, so that doesn't really help you any.)
     
  3. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    We both decided together that this was not acceptable in our relationship.
     
  4. fray

    fray New Member

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    that sounds like an excellent plan
     
  5. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I'm hearing about more and more couples who make that decision.
     
  6. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    while i wouldnt like it, i wouldnt not allow it. luckily, my bf doesnt abuse that situation, and respects how it would make me feel.
     
  7. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    I'd say the problem isn't trusting HER, it's trusting the GUYS she hangs out with. If she hangs out alone with other guys it may be perfectly fine, and she may have no intention of doing anything or letting anything happen, but whether those guys she's with are thinking the same or not is questionable.

    So I guess if it were me in that situation, I'd just take a close look at who she was going to be with, and then if there were certain guys I didn't feel comfortable with her being alone with, I'd bring it to her attention and explain my reasoning. Of course, that doesn't preclude her from seeing those certain guys while with a group of people where something is unlikely to happen.
     
  8. darkrick

    darkrick New Member

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    I pretty much agree with BBG. When I was with my last gf, I had no problem trusting her. But some of her male friends I knew were really sleazy and had no problem trying anything, and I did say that I'd prefer it if she wasn't alone with some of them - she pretty much agreed; some of them made her uneasy if she was alone with them even for a minute.


    Since, I'm generally trusting enough - I generally don't mind. But if it gets to the above, where I know for certain some of them are shifty, it'll be made known.
     
  9. xinster

    xinster New Member

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    COMMENCE THE JIGGLIN
     
  10. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    :werd:

    My wife and I had a talk about this early on. We both agreed that it really wasnt a good idea, not because of trust issues, but just out of respect for each other.

    We made a rule...avoid the very appearance of wrong doing, and dont ever give yourself a chance to make a mistake.

    I have no reason to be hanging out with other females alone though :dunno: I have several female friends, and she has several male friends and in the years we have been together there has never been a reason for me to be out along with another female or her to be out along with another male :dunno:

    Honestly, other than my 2 best friends, I am rarely out without my wife anyways. Things just arent as fun without her and we both enjoy doing the same things anyways.
     
  11. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    I used to care if my gfs hung out with other guys.

    Now I dont because Ill just go and hang out by myself with my female friends. :dunno:
     
  12. OFI

    OFI New Member

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    my gf hangs out with a few guys going out on the town etc.


    However they are all gay. The only straight guy I wasn't happy about her seeing so far was her ex who wanted to chat to her after beign away for a long time :ugh:
     
  13. 1.8t

    1.8t Member

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    I don't really care at all. I trust my g/f and I know almost all the guys she hangs out with anyways. Hell, as it turns out, even though I am a really nice guy and have only fought maybe 5 times in my life, all of her guy friends told her they would never even consider trying anything with her just because of the fact that I am "bigger" guy and they would be afraid I would beat their ass lol.
     
  14. mike323i

    mike323i Yeah...December of '05...and still lurking fuckers

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    :bowdown: Couldn't have said it any better myself.

    There is no sense being in a position where a mistake could happen, or even be perceived as happening. If you care about your SO that much, you'll put the relationship first.
     
  15. MadHax0rMan

    MadHax0rMan Give me your money... or don't

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    I don't mind at all either. In fact, usually when I don't feel like hanging out with her, I would tell her to hang out with more guys and make new friends. It'll save me some money if they take her out :wiggle:
     
  16. Apothis

    Apothis New Member

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    I always equate this sort of thing with playing with fire. Sure, maybe you can swing your hand through fire real quick and not get burned. Maybe someday you won't be on your game as much as you do end up getting burned. The question I would ask is how wise is it to be doing that in the first place? For what reason is it necessary to put yourself in a situation like that?

    In the relationship sense, "getting burned" would refer to this: maybe you had a fight with your SO and were looking for some comfort. Maybe you just had too much to drink. Maybe both. Either way you've got a friend of the opposite sex who suddenly isn't looking so bad (and has been waiting for just such an opportunity).

    If this friend is male, and you are female, and you are even somewhat reasonably attractive, he DOES want to bone you. There just isn't any question about that. The moment you let your guard down, he'll be ready to take advantage. There are few reasons why a guy would want to have a particularly close association with a female, and by a wide margin, the #1 reason is he wants more than a platonic friendship. Maybe he wants a relationship or just a fuck-buddy. Either way, no straight and single guy will let a friendship with a female stop him from nailing said female given the opportunity.

    So back to the question. Why is it necessary to put yourself in that situation to begin with? It's a temptation that will do no favors for the relationship. It only stands to cause problems for it. Maybe you can move your hand fast enough to not get burned. Maybe you can avoid getting a train run on you by a bunch of guys you consider friends.

    But why open up the possibility in the first place? At the very least, it is inappropriate and disrespectful for the relationship. At worst, you are actively seeking to end things with the current SO. Either way, there is no benefit to the relationship, just unnecessary playing with fire. It's infinitely easier to avoid screwing up if you avoid situations that increase the likelihood of doing so.

    Let's talk about trust. Trust is something that can be build or damaged. Generally we want to build trust. We want others to feel confident about our character. How do we do this? Let's say you want people to be confident that you will not burn yourself (or others). What is a better way to establish this? By making a game of running your hand through fire despite there being no need to do so? Or how about by putting out the fire and being careful/responsible enough to not play with that shit in the first place? The second option sounds like the more reasonable answer to me.

    The same goes for relationships. You don't encourage your SO to have confidence in your loyalty by focusing your 1-on-1 attention on other potential partners under the guise of "friendship". You establish that trust by doing the opposite. The only difference between a friend and a boyfriend is a penis. All her male friends have one and you can bet they would be happy to put them to use. If she is truly devoted to her bf, there is no need for her to make herself overly available to other males, especially in a more intimate/private/1-1 situation.
     
  17. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Best. Analogy. Ever.

    I bolded the last sentence in the rare case that my now-ex gf joins this site and reads this thread.
     
  18. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Is she friends with a bunch of rapists? It doesn't matter what the guys want if she has no interest in them other than friends. Guys are always thinking about hooking up with any half decent woman but it doesn't mean the woman will have any interest in it.

    quamen-If you guys don't agree on this then go find someone else. There are billions of people in this world, you can always find someone else who will be more compatible with you.
     
  19. [DWI]

    [DWI] Master of Nothing

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    I've learned letting then or not letting them do anything is a bad idea, now if you two want to talk about it that is one thing. At least normally, sometimes you do ahve to put your foot down. I personally do not like the idea, but I'm a guy and I know how guys think and I do not like that one bit.
     
  20. Injected1

    Injected1 New Member

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    :rofl: Obviously she didn't read what Apothis wrote. I believe he has the most unbiased logical outlook on this situation.
     
  21. TehMarko

    TehMarko The Course of Natural Life...

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    i like jigglin.
     
  22. Apothis

    Apothis New Member

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    I thought I was just making nonsensical ramblings during my lunch break. If it made sense to anyone, all the better.
    :bcr:
     
  23. Riconosuave

    Riconosuave New Member

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    You're signficant other is not some puppet or pet. Voice your concerns and let it be. Why should you care, as long as she is with you in the end. If he/she cares for you, they'll take it into serious consideration. If not, time to reevaluate what you have, and if something does happen, kick him/her to the curb and find someone else. Don't be insecure or jealous about it.
     
  24. Katiemarie

    Katiemarie New Member

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    My husband has female friends, some of which he's known a lot longer than he's known me. To be honest, it used to make me nervous, but that was when we were only dating. I trust him, I know the type of person he is, and I've gotten to know most of these women, so it's not a big deal anymore.

    Plus, he knows damn well that if he ever cheated on me, his balls would be in a jar above the mantle, so he's not about to try it.
     
  25. OhFourTwoThree

    OhFourTwoThree New Member

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    I wouldn't tell my boyfriend not to hang out with a particular person based on their gender but I would disapprove based on the person's character.

    I trust my boyfriend wholeheartedly. His ex girlfriend tried to get him in bed a few times and he always turned her down. She has a nice body too..big boobs, big butt, etc. He always says that it's very easy to resist temptation if you want to and those who say they couldn't help it are just lying. He's very big on loyalty and keeping your words.
     

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