Guy's been bugging my gf all summer, just now hearing about it

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Dmar, Aug 30, 2006.

  1. Dmar

    Dmar Jump

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    A few days ago my girlfriend told me about this guy she knows from classes coming to visit her at the restaurant where she works. She was the only one there finishing up cleaning/mopping/doing dishes and stuff and said he came and talked to her for a couple hours. Apparently he has been calling her all summer asking to hang out with her (and she's been saying no), so he said something like "well I guess we'll only get to hang out if I come see you at work," to which she replied "....yeah.....umm...ok." She said she thought it was really weird when he actually showed up.

    If it were just this I would be fine with everything, but there's a little more. I'm not controlling and don't tell her what to do, but everytime she mentions hanging out/talking to another guy the hair on the back of my neck tingles a bit and I remember it. I remembered she had gone to breakfast/lunch with some dude last semester, and had also gotten help from him in a class. I asked if it was the same guy and she said it was. I also remember him calling her at one point when she was with me (she didn't take the call).

    First of all, it's a bit disconcerting that I'm only hearing about this guy now (after like 4 months). Secondly, some of her thoughts about the guy didn't all seem to add up:
    1) She says he is pretty weird.
    2) When she told me the story, I responded that the guy was most likely in it for more than just friends. She said she really thinks he's just looking for some friends. :ugh:
    3) At a different point she had said she had made it clear to him ("multiple times" was her wording), that there would be nothing more than being classmates. Why would she have to tell him this more than once, if she also thinks he's just looking for friends?

    Maybe I'm completely overreacting, but this kind of shit makes me uncomfortable, as much as I try to appear disinterested. If some girl was bugging me all summer long, I would have definitely mentioned it to her a long time ago.

    She also mentioned she's going to be in a class with him this term, and doesn't want to tell him to leave her alone b/c he is a "good student" and will want to work with him in the class groups.

    I don't think she has any particular reason to cheat. Even if there's nothing to it (probably true), I think she should stop taking advantage of this guy for class help. Should I blow this off, or approach her about it?
     
  2. veonake

    veonake OnT poster, OT lurker

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    She doesn't want to think that's what he's after, and has probably convinced herself of this. It's unlikely she is naive to his intentions, and I also don't get the feeling she is trying to deceive you either.
    Further emphasizes my point that she has convinced herself he wants friends, rather than face the truth and have to deal with it.
    The overall feeling I get from this is that she isn't interested in the guy, but is too concerned with his feelings to tell him strongly enough that she's taken and that she isn't interested. That, or he's especially stubborn, which is probably the worse scenario. In this case I would suggest to her that she remind him yet another time if he makes some sort of advance (even verbal), or maybe she could start bringing you up in the conversation more often. I know there have been times in the past where I've managed to get interested in a girl that's taken, and she'll begin to mention her boyfriend and that will completely turn me off to her.

    If I were you, and this continues and I felt uncomfortable about it, I would come with her to class or work and let the guy know, either verbally or non-verbally, that he needs to lay off her. Hopefully it doesn't come to that, because your gf may feel you're being too controlling.

    Cliffs: Don't think your gf is being deceitful, but I would be more active in getting this guy to cool down.
     
  3. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    She's leading him on but it doesn't sound like she's looking to cheat on you. You have a right to be frustrated and upset, but she may have overexaggerating a bit of drama to get some attention from you. Sometimes a little competition can be a good thing. Do something fun and romantic with her and she will forget about him. You may have to keep it up for a loooong time though.
     
  4. evolution

    evolution New Member

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    That's why I don't mess with girls that have bfs.

    Get her some NICE flowers ($100 >), pick her up at school and assert the alpha male scent of power.
     
  5. RedDawg

    RedDawg Well-Known Member

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    i'd ask her why she didn't tell you earlier, that's a little odd. I know that if some creepy/annoying guy from my g/f's classes showed up at her work for hours i'd be hearing about it that night.
     
  6. Brigante

    Brigante i'm a lurker without an avatar, deal with it

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    for the most part, i would say girls love to know that they're desirable, whether by you or by other guys. not saying this is your case, but if girls in relationships don't feel that theyr'e getting that kind of attention from their own boyfriends, they may cater to it from someone else who is giving it to them. while she may not act on it by cheating on you, which is definately a good thing, think about what i'm saying. again, i'm not saying this applies to you but i was dumped for this very reason just a few years ago. i didn't make her feel that i had enough desire to be with her or to have her. so she went looking for it with someone else. good luck.
     
  7. Dmar

    Dmar Jump

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    thanks for the replies, all make sense. Something else I just thought of, how did he know when to show up one of the 3 nights she works. It's a least 20 minutes from him, so not like he could just drive by quickly. :eek3:
     
  8. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    bc he's a persistent loser. she's clearly not interested in him. i think the reason she probably didn't tell you about him earlier is because she is naive and he didn't set off (or he turned off) her pick-up radar.

    i would explain to her how things are most of the time. admit that it's possible that this guy is extremely unusual and is not like 99.9% of us, but also point out that it doesn't sound like it from the information at hand. tell her she's an attractive girl, and that guys like this are going to be a common thing in her life, but that yeah, this one is almost certainly no different and wants something physical.

    ask her if she agrees, and ask her if she would prefer you to do anything about it or to stay out of it.

    that last bit makes you look like a truly great guy. if you mean it, then you are a truly great guy. greatness ftw
     
  9. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    He obviously wants her, and if honestly doesn't sound like you're getting the full story especially after 4 months..... lol, let her do what ever she wants, tell her it's "her problem" you can always do as you wish and go where you want, her actions have no effect on you my friend.
     
  10. Dmar

    Dmar Jump

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    I'm a bit worried about that also...most people try to make situations sound better than they are.

    Whenever I hear about her and other guys it's an always an internal struggle to stop a jealous reaction. I'm just disappointed by the fact that she hasn't mentioned this to me before. I keep thinking about and remembering stuff. I remember when I was hanging out with her and her friend like 3 months ago.

    GF: Sorry to talk about this in front of you, but I need to mention some girl stuff.
    Friend: Ohh, is this about that boy.
    GF: [Ignores last comment and starts talking about her period]
    Me: :wtf:

    I'm also uncomfortable with this guy working with her in class all semester. Maybe I should just leave it be though...
     
  11. xinster

    xinster New Member

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    she's leading her on, tell her to quit doing that shit especially if that guy is weird. additionally, try to assert yourself without having to result in some serious escalation/violence
     
  12. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    :rolleyes:
    OP, do u think what i said makes any sense?
     
  13. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    My biggest concern would be if he tries to take it a step further. If he's already following her around, after repeated denials, what if he decides to force things out of frustration? Perhaps she is telling you this because she's afraid for her safety from this douche bag.
     
  14. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    That's why I'm saying u should ask her if she wants u to step in.
     
  15. Dmar

    Dmar Jump

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    I agree with the first part. I definitely think she knows exactly what's up. I explained the thing about guys to her when she told me about him. She sort of agreed, but I'm not totally convinced she thinks the same way.

    I also don't think she wants me to step in. She said she didn't want to tell him too harshly to leave her alone because she wants him to be in the group she's in for her class this fall because he's a "good student." :ugh: That definitely makes me uncomfortable. I think she shouldn't be leading him on or taking advantage of him.

    I don't think she's interested in this guy, but I think she could have handled (and could be handling) the situation much better.
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2006
  16. RedDawg

    RedDawg Well-Known Member

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    next time he shows up at her work have her give you a call. you show up 20min. later with flowers and give her a big kiss.
     
  17. xinster

    xinster New Member

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    hahaha:bigthumb:
     
  18. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    The way you explain things is very important. You should not project that you assume she is wrong, you should project that this is the way you happen to see things. Asking if she agrees with you is an excellent way to do this, and if you have made a good case, she will, by the definition of "good case", probably say that she does agree with you.
     
  19. big 1

    big 1 New Member

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    I think you need to talk your gf and ask her if she feels uncomfodrtadble. From thisd approadch you would seem more concerned, and not possessive.
    Tell her that it dis HER job, not yours, to tell this guy off. She doesnt have to be mean, only straightforward.
    a simple "i am really loyal to my bodyfriend and id rather that you keep our contact only school related.I am not interested in ddoing adnything with you outside of school."
    Give her praise once she has done it, and hope that the guy gets the point.
     
  20. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    perhaps she told him. remember that they could be just friends but she's playing it up for you. things are not going to make sense because of that...
     
  21. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    I have to wonder if she is the type who enjoys getting attention from the other guy too, whether or not she is actually interested in him.
     
  22. affende

    affende Resident 4X4 Elitest Prick

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    ill keep this short. He wants to bang her.

    :hs:
     
  23. JustaMeThang

    JustaMeThang New Member

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    If they were just school/class friendly, she wouldnt have given him her phone number nor would be know exactly where she works to visit her in the first place. I really dont see the need for her to give him her number, school is school, work groups do just that, work in groups, not one on one outside of class. She wouldnt have given him her number unless she wanted him to call her. And also dont understand why she would have told him where she works, unless she wanted him to come by.

    I think she is just loving the attention she is getting from another male, anyone other male but you. Might very well be innocent, but most certainly not something I would tolerate.
     
  24. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    ALL females are this type
     
  25. The Secretary

    The Secretary My domestic skills will rock your socks off!

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    Iwould talk to her about the issue of her safety around this guy. If she is bothered by him other than in class and following her to work and such then something needs to be done. If she doesnt want to, make contact with her boss in person and give a short detail of the issue and ask if he/she could keep an eye on it.

    Go into alpha male mode and make a strong presence somewhere with her when you know hes going to be there.

    I had a creepy guy following me around at one point he was obsessed with me. I was dating someone at the time, he was a pussy though and never said anything. I even told me bf how much he creeped me out. The guy would come up to me at school, go to my job and stay there for like an hour trying to talk to me etc etc. I had also mentioned it to some of my coworkers so we had a comraderie thing going on whenever he came around. One day he came up to me at church and I let him have it for the last time, I said no I do not like you, I dont want go out with you, You creep me out Get away from me, he not too long after that disappeared from everything. My then bf just stood there and was like whoa that was deep. Lesson here: Dont be a pussy take stand and help ur gf if she wants it and is trying to ward off this guy.
     

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