Guy friends

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by DTR rex, Dec 23, 2007.

  1. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Just kinda wondering how the guys here feel about their s/o's having mostly guy friends. A girl I am seeing has friends that are girls but a good half of, if not slightly more of her close friends are guys... and it's been that way most of her life.
    A lot of these "guy friends" currently like her or have liked her in the past (romantically) but she has no interest in them at all.
    Therefore, it's really not much of a jealousy issue but it is quite obvious (and admittedly so by her) that she has a lot of guy friends because she likes the validation she gets from having guy friends around her that think highly of her.... Stems from insecurities.

    I wouldn't say this is really a problem for me, but I know that is tends to be pretty common, and i'm just wondering what the Vag thinks about this common scenario.

    If it helps, we're both in college. I'm 22 and she's 23.
     
  2. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    Don't mind when a girl has a close guy friend or two. I personally think I have trust issues with women so it would be a problem for me if the girl spent a lot of time with the guy(s). I've got girl friends that I ask for advice and talk to, but we don't hang out all the time and I would expect a girl I'm seeing to reciprocate similarly.
     
  3. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Yeah, she hangs out with them quite frequently.... but seems to make me a relative priority.

    I'm not really jealous, but I would by lying if I said it didn't bring up some uneasy feelings now and again.
     
  4. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    don't begrudge anyone their confidence boosters.

    saying it "stems from insecurity" is a pretty heavy negative spin to put on something universal.

    try to look at it objectively. when it's healthy:

    - it's a win for her male friends who get to enjoy the sexual tension for what it is.

    - it's a win for the girl who gets to enjoy the ego boost.

    having a girl around that a guy can flirt with from day to day, even if it's not going to go anywhere, can be very healthy for that guy.

    alternately, when it's unhealthy:

    - it's still a win for the girl.

    - it's a lose for her male friends who take the sexual tension to mean something more than what it is.

    i've seen it both ways. it's not necessarily healthy or unhealthy. it depends on the situation..
     
  5. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    i have a lot of guy friends... not ALL guy friends, but a lot. and it's not from insecurities, it's because i get along with guys better than most girls (if you knew my personality, you would understand why). my bf has met all of them, since he's met pretty much all my friends, and he's not jealous at all. it's quite obvious that i have a platonic relationship with all of them, and i would never be romantically invovled with any of them. but i also act appropriately about it; i hang out with them from time to time, but it's never something like i go to his house at 11pm to "watch a movie" and hang out one-on-one and like sleep there or something.
     
  6. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    I have a lot of guy friends, always have, and I only gained girlfriends in the last couple of years (senior year of HS, and in college). When I got into my relationship, my bf knew that. I would never care if he had girlfriends, so he didnt say anything about my friends. I grew up with most of those guys, played football and baseball with them, and they are more like brothers to me than anything else. Some of them have had crushes on me, but my bf knows I would never have any interest in them that way. I think its easy for guys to have crushes on their platonic friends because she seems safe and nonthreatening.

    There are some guys that make my bf uncomfortable, and he has conveyed that information to me. He doesnt trust them, and doesnt want me hanging out alone with them. I put up a fight about it but generally I listen because I trust his judgement as an outside opinion. If youre uncomfortable about one guy in particular, you should be able to at least let her know, but make no attempt to control her or it will only backfire into claims of jealousy. As long as nothing crosses the line you have nothing to worry about.
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :mamoru: I only laugh because I know 98% of men couldn't hande me in a relationship. One important reason I love my bf so much and why we work is because of this exact subject. Since childhood I have had all guy friends, and when I mean all I mean all. I have maybe 2 girl friends, but they aren't even good friends-we just chat on AIM or on the phone from time to time.

    Anywho, all of my guy friends currently are my best buds. 1 I have actually dated, others have probably liked me romantically but either have gotten over it or would never dare try anything. I have no feelings like that for any of them. Most of the time they call me, I call them, we hang out at their places or my place-sometimes alone. Does my bf care? Not one bit. He trusts me and them completely, but mostly me. This is such a turn on for me.

    My entire dating life has always been filled with insecure men who got pissy and jealous if I wanted to hang with the guys for a night and he wasn't there. And yes, like your girlfriend I can understand the sort of good feeling she gets if she receives validation from them. I've felt that way many times if 3 of my guy friends say I look exceptionally nice that night, I'm human dammit. However, if you sense she goes way out of her way to ge validation from them over you, or doesn't invite you to be with them most of the time then I would start to wonder. My boyfriend hangs with us all I'd say 90% of the time because I invite him. Not inviting him over/out would just show I don't want him to be there for some reason.
     
  8. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    :werd:

    any attractive, female extrovert will have a lot of orbiters boosting her esteem. this is good for her. so why would you be upset about it? it doesn't change whatever she has - or doesn't have - with you.

    i'm shocked it took so long to find a non jealous guy.
     
  9. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Ugh, you just have no idea. Every single guy I've dated prior to my current SO has been jealous of my friendships with men, and they weren't pushover guys either, most were very confident men from the surface.
     
  10. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    i'm not down with her spending one-on-one time with another guy

    basically, as long as i'm her priority i don't have a problem with it
     
  11. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    Is this a new girl or the same one?
     
  12. Aronomy

    Aronomy Get your COME ON!

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    I'm always shocked to hear girls telling me they "just can't relate" to other girls. There is something wrong when a girl has no girlfriends.
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :hsugh: I don't see how. Most girls annoy the shit out of me.
     
  14. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    why would that mean there is soemthing wrong?? for the longest time, I simply shared no common interests with females. Im athletic and I enjoy watching sports, I never cared about fashion and shopping and all that, women are often too sensitive for my blunt personality, and frankly, I just wasnt drawn to them. Men are often much better friends than women, who will just as soon stab you in the back as be your best friend.
     
  15. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    The relationship i'm in now is the first one where my SO was okay with my male friends. He's actually gone out of his way to befriend a couple :dunno:
    He also has a lot of female friends, so I think he understands unlike my ex's who only had same-sex-friends.

    I actually didn't have a lot of girlfriends in high school, I made a lot in college though when I started meeting more like minded women. At this point I enjoy my friendships with females much more than with males with the exception of one or two male friends i've had since high school.
     
  16. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    werd, most have nothing interesting to talk about
     
  17. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Mother fucking . Seriously.
     
  18. Kinks

    Kinks Sup. OT Supporter

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    virtually the only women I get along with are the ones that feel exactly this way. I can think of one exception.
     
  19. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Yep. The only girls I've ever felt comfortable with calling my "friends" completely understood me and felt the same way.

    My least favorite thing in the world is when my friends and I go out to our fav bars and when I walk in the women's bathroom I am bombarded with these obnoxious women talking about how hot some guy is, re-applying mass amounts of makeup, talking shit about other girls :mb: Basically they make me glad that I am way low maitenance and chill.
     
  20. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    I'm totally with you. An inability to have close relationships with the same sex is a pretty big turn off to me. That whole "I get along better with the opposite sex" argument is garbage in my opinion. Just because something is easy or comfortable does NOT mean it is healthy.
     
  21. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :rofl: I get along with girls, just not all girls. It's pretty much a garbage argument in my opinion to say a girl having almost all male friends is "unhealthy." Having all girl friends and not having one guy friend would then be considered "unhealthy," am I right? If that were the case then women would know almost nothing about men, because all women do is talk back and forth about what they know about men-which is little.

    Please tell me how it is unhealthy, because I am curious. I recall you saying before you are insecure in relationships, so you thinking it is unhealthy more reads "I am too insecure and jealous to understand a woman having mostly male friends."
     
  22. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Um maybe because automatically discounting relationships with half the world's population based on gender is a serious sign of personal issues? Sexist much?

    Edit: I'm not saying there is anything wrong with having friends of the opposite sex. I'm saying if ALL your friends are the opposite sex, then something is wrong.
     
  23. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :rofl: Yes, you would know. I'm a feminist actually. Just because I prefer to hang out with guys, watch sports, play video games and chill without a ton of unnecessary drama doesn't mean I have "personal issues," it means I have a preference of how I spend my days.
     
  24. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Oh so girls can't enjoy those things too? Thats a very feminist thing to believe. :rolleyes:
     
  25. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :bowrofl: WTF are you talking about? Of course they can enjoy those things. But how many girls do you know that like to spend their Sundays in front of the TV watching football all day? Not many, at least I have unfortunately never met any. This is my predicament.

    Like I said before, I've had and do have "girl friends," but they are usually one's I hang out with here and there when I feel like going out dancing or going shopping (which is 5% of my time). I'm for the empowerment of women so that they don't act submissively to a man because that's what he wants, or trying to get them away from thinking that dressing and acting slutty is going to get men to really like them. I'm all for women believing in their abilities and not letting anyone put them down. Sadly, I don't meet many women that I respect in that way, hence, why I don't have many girl friends. Same thing goes for men, I'm not friends with guys that I don't respect.
     

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