SRS Guilty feelings from being happier

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Rumpelstiltskin, Oct 14, 2007.

  1. Rumpelstiltskin

    Rumpelstiltskin New Member

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    Posting this is my way to get some outside opinions from a nuetral third party. I will start by saying I broke up with my girlfriend of four years nearly three months ago. I think this will get asked I am 21 and she is 20. We seperated because I am moving from Michigan to Washington in a few months for a great job that will give me a good future. This break up is hard because there was no anger or hate to kill or ignore the love that I still have for her.

    She has been a great source of strength for me and has helped me more than anyone. I know its cliche but she was my best friend. I was a bad boyfriend. I did not appricate all that was done for me and I wasn't there for her. A few years ago she made me see I had significant problems and made me get treatment. From that I was diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder. I don't say this not as an excuse for what I did but a clearification of how I was unstable. That help was the first step in getting my life in order.

    I started going to school and doing something I really enjoy. The motivation that was given to me has made me be a better student than I ever was in high school. Now all the hard work I have put in is starting to shape the future I had wanted except that I don't have her anymore.

    Now I see how bad I was. I am that guy who thought that my medication was working so great that I did not need it anymore. This was making my moods very irrational but I just didn't see it till after I overreacted and broke up with her before we could talk it out. After I broke up with her I fell apart and had no idea what to do. I was drinking a lot and taking anything I could find to not feel pain or lonelyness. I was lucky to see that was not the way to handle my problems and within a week I was taking control of my life.

    I started to feel that breaking up with her was the best thing I had ever done for my life. It forced me to see all my flaws, weaknesses, insecurities and do something about it. Now I am taking steps to get rid of what I don't like about myself and I am happy now. It is very sad it took me losing my love to see this. But since I started making these changes I have been trying to get her back. It has been an idea we have be talking about for a few weeks now.

    This is where all my guilt kicks in. She is not doing well since we broke up. And I put her in the situtation that she is in. She tells me she cries every day and is very unhappy. She is in a growing debt from her friend who she is living with. I am afraid that I have ruined her chance at the life she wanted to have and the woman she wanted to be because I over reacted. Knowing I am so much happier and she is in a worse place hurts me so much. I still love her as much as I ever have and she tells me she loves me back but I have hurt her too much.

    I want her to move with me so bad. I know I can handle it alone and I will be happy and sucessful without her, but when I am around her I feel complete. I know I can help her and I know that we love each other. I just want a second chance at the life we had been thinking about having together. But this time with me being a much better person than who I was.

    I also want to add I know I am lucky that is is the worst of my problems. So I do not want to come across as if I am whining.

    This is a little bit of a long post so I'll try to make a quick summary for the lazy helpers out there.

    Broke up with my love mostly because I am moving too far away. She helped me grow up into a more confident and happy man. I feel very guilty for this because she has been falling apart and I have been doing great. I want a second chance to make everything right.

    Thanks for reading my thread.
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    You can't become happy by stepping over people to reach that goal of happyness. In my opinion its totally unfair that you didn't include her in your life, you two were partners in a relationship afterall.

    Partner > job.

    Further more there wasn't a valid reason to get rid of her, because both of you loved eachother.



    I think that the essensial problem behind everything is your decision making and the quality of those decisions. Life isn't intended to hurt others. And although you've learned this way were your flaws were, i think that even without breaking up it should have been perceivable where your flaws where. I hope you two make up soon, and don't make any more decisions that will cause unneccesary hurt towards eachother.
     
  3. Impossibles

    Impossibles OT loves cats, hates blacks, loves queers

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    She won't move? Have you asked her?
     
  4. Rumpelstiltskin

    Rumpelstiltskin New Member

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    I know I made the wrong decisions and how I responded was extremely immature. I never meant to hurt her but I ended up doing just that. I did try to include her in my life. I asked her to move then she said she just couldn't. That is when I overreacted and broke everything off without giving her a chance to talk it out with me. And now I just hope she can forgive me and what I did.
     
  5. ChaCha

    ChaCha Active Member

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    Do what's best for yourself.

    Don't get back together because you have sympathy for her.

    Long distance relationships are lots of work and often unsuccessful. Move on if she isn't going to be moving with you.
     
  6. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    I agree. I'm glad that you were able to see your flaws and correct them. Now, you'll just see if she'll be able to forgive you for what you've done. I wish you luck. Hopefully, both of you can look past this and you won't do anything else to further hurt any of you in the future.
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    1. Sounds to me like now you are just feeling guilty and second-guessing your actions because you feel bad. Everyone does this after ending a long term relationship. It's nice because it proves you did really care about her, but there's something to be said when you dropped her in one second over an argument that could have been communicated thoroughly and possibly solved.

    2. Now it seems like you are almost using her as a crutch. It's understandable to think your partner makes you a better person, but when you recognized too late that she completes you. After admitting that being apart from her made you realize who you really were, just sounds like you are gripping onto your past feelings now that you've fixed your flaws. She'll most likely never ever get over how you ended things in the first place and has already told you she doesn't want to move with you. So unless you want to start a LTR that will most likely end out of insecurity and trust issues I don't see why you wouldn't just move on knowing you can live without her.
     
  8. Rumpelstiltskin

    Rumpelstiltskin New Member

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    I know I broke up with her over something that could have been solved with simple communication, but that is becasue I acted like an idiot. There is no excuse for acting that way and I accept that. Also I don't believe it to be just second guessing or sympathy. However there is no way to prove that in words other than saying I love her still.

    I agree that a LTR will not work and I don't even want to try that. I can be happy without her but with her I know I will be even happier. I don't think I would use her as a crutch if we did get back together. This is becasue I did before I lacked confidence and was very insecure. I know I am not trying to just hold onto the past because I don't want to be who I was.

    Thank you all for reading my thread and giving me some help and opinions.
     
  9. PureEnergy

    PureEnergy New Member

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    Exactly.

    I learn the hard way that its best to look out for yourself not only in relationships, but in anything that you come across. Nobody will have sympathy for you. I bet if its the other way around, she'll try to take advantage of the situation.
     

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